Chapters
by Maxi-Luca
Summary: What was Tara's life before Sunnydale? Come explore Tara's life month by month, year by year. POSTPONED until further notice, no worries, this WILL be continued.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Tara or any of her family. They all belong to Joss Whedon. 

Author's Note: I never understood why people made Mr. Maclay so mean and horrible. I bet he was a VERY strict bapist man who did hit, but not really beat. I think he really did love his daughter Tara but just showed it in a different way. Also saying she was a demon, heh. Anyway, I'm going to base Mr. Maclay on my own father a bit. 

Untitled 

Prelude: Elementary to 6th grade 

Elementary school was a breeze. The schooling part of it anyway. All she had to do was just attend, pay attention, and do the work. She'd get the perfect attendence award, student of the week or month, honors, everything good. She was always the perfect student, very attentive and quiet. However, underneath all the good behavior and ideal role model for all the young students, slept a scared and insecure girl. 

Tara Maclay was one in a million. Her father and the rest of her family, except her mother, told her that she had an evil demon sleeping inside her. That it came from the women. She would be an ugly, evil, demon by the age of 20. That her practicing the magick and witchcraft would make it worse. It was all evil. 

So says her father, Dale Maclay, a devoted man of the Baptist church in Colorado Springs, CO. To Tara, her father was not a bad man. Just an angry man. She loved him and she knew he loved her, he just frightened her beyond anything. She was more afraid of his anger than of being a demon. Dale Maclay favored Donold, Tara's brother, over Tara, that was undeniable, but she knew despite his out lashes and the occasional hits, she could see in his eyes that he loved her. 

Throughout her elementary school life and sixth grade, right as she came home, she'd go straight to her room and start on her homework. It seemed so easy and simple to Tara. She'd always finish all of it within 10-30 minutes. 

Once she was finished, she'd go down stairs to help her mother cook or clean while her father was at work and her brother was outside with his friends. Tara never had friends, her friend was her mother. When the housework was finished, Tara and her mother, Amber Maclay (A/N: Seemed to make sense to me to name Tara's mother Amber, lol... Get the connection?) would go into the basement so Amber could teach Tara what it takes to be a white witch. To be noble, peaceful, and to respect the powers. 

"Always pay your respects to the Goddess, Tara. Treat her right and she will protect you." Amber would always tell her and with a smile. 

"I promise." Tara looked up at her mother with pale, ice blue eyes. 

After their magick lesson came her piano and violin lessons. She practiced each instrument for an hour each. She felt such a calm and peaceful feeling from the music she produced. 

Once that was done, Tara would practice her drawing and painting. Another way she could express her feelings was through her surreal and abstract art. She never kept her work though. If Dale had ever caught her doing actitivities aside from her music or housework, she feared to think. Whenever she did so something outside of that, he'd yell at her. Sometimes he'd grab her arms and jerk her. Then there were the times he would strike her. Donny would just watch, almost in amusment. When Amber would intervine, if Dale was angry enough, she would get the back of his hand also. 

Despite having her mother as her companion, Tara began to feel the lonelieness. She wanted friends of her own age, kids like her. But they'd never be like her, would they? They never spent their lunch hour reading books or drawing in a sketch book or practice witchcraft or have a demon sleeping inside of them. 

Tara graduated elementary school with honors. "My little girl is growing up," Dale told her with a proud smile on his face and glitter in his eyes, "You're going to be a smart and wonderful woman. You're going to make the perfect woman." 

"Thank you, daddy." Tara smiled to him as he hugged her. 

"Tara," Amber spoke as Dale let go of Tara and stepped aside, "I'm so proud of you, sweetie. Never was there a time I have been more proud." tears started to swell in her eyes. 

Then came middle school and the lonelieness continue to grow. Now, being in middle school, it was worse. The kids were turning into preteens who were cruel just so they could feel better. Tara would look around, see nothing. No one had a mind of their own. Everyone thought the same though. Had the same opinions. 

In class, Tara would sit in the corner in the back. When her classwork was finished, she'd either read or draw. 

One day, near the end of 6th grade, during lunch as she drew in her sketch book, a couple of 8th grade girls, bullies, came up to her, "Hey it's the girl who doesn't talk!" said the light brown haired girl with the short hair. 

"Yeah, she's so weird, always buried behind a book or drawing," the girl with the dirty blonde, longer hair, said, reaching for Tara's sketch book, "What do you draw anyway?" she took the sketch book. 

"Hey," Tara reached back for her sketch book, but the bigger girl with the short hair pushed her back. 

"Whoa! What the hell do you think you're doing?" she pushed Tara again, "It's our book now, weirdo." The two girls laughed at Tara and walked away tearing out pictures and drawing over others. 

Tara looked until they were lost in the crowd. Tears build in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. She gathered her bag and books and went to class early. 

Finally her first year of middle school was over and done with. She had hoped that she could've made one friend, but she didn't. Dale had given her hell because she didn't join the orchestra at her school and joined the art club instead. 7th grade would be better. It has to. She preyed to the Goddess for a better year and hoped she had done everything to deserve a better year. She also decided to join the band as well as art club in 7th grade. That way everyone will be happy, her father, her mother, and herself. It just has to be better. 

Author's Note: Well there we go! 2:40 in the AM! Lol, I know it went through 11 years of life there but... The real story doesn't start til 7th grade anyway cause that's when Tara will meet a friend! Yey! Also, the name Dale I just came up with... C'mon it's almost 3AM! Also I know there will be some stuff about 6th grade being in middle school, that's how it was for me so I'm writing what I know. I live in LA Cali, so I'm just writing what the grades were for me. :-) 


	2. 7th Grade

Disclaimer: Again I own nothing...   
  
Chapters  
  
Grade 7: September 1992  
  
The begining of the year had started out like all the others. Only this time she was occupied by art club and band. Tara still made no friends. September was always a slow month. Everything was routine as always, come home, finish homework, do a little magick, practice piano and violin, which have gone down to a 30 minute practice session each, do some house work, eat dinner, have a family game of cards or a board game, which Donny always hated, every Wednesday.  
  
"This is so lame! Why do I gatta be stuck doing this?" Donny complained as he slouched in his chair.  
  
"Donny, please. At least pretend to enjoy it. We hardly see you anymore." Amber said gently.  
  
"Your mother's right," Dale said, not looking up from his cards, "You're always out running around with your friends," he looked up at Donny, "This is your last year of high school, Donald. You'd better start settling down and find work. You're never gunna get married with that attitude of yours."  
  
Even during the family games, Tara rarely spoke. She would occasionally glance at Amber and smile. For the entire month it was like this.  
  
October  
  
Amber served the family ham and eggs with toast in the morning, "Tara, sweetie, your birthday is coming up. Anything special you 'd like to do?" she sat next to Tara and Dale.  
  
"Yeah right, Mom. Tara never does anything 'cause she ain't got no friends," he laughed and playfully punched her arm, "Hey c'mon Tara, I was only joking."  
  
Tara smiled, "I know."  
  
"I swear this Clinton better not win," Dale folded his newspaper and sipped his coffee, "He'll ruin our economy with his liberal ideals," he scoffed, "What we need is Ronald Reagan again. Now there was a fine man."  
  
"Yes dear, a fine man." Amber said with a smile.  
  
Dale cocked an eye brow and chuckled, "He is indeed."  
  
A honk came, "That's me!" Donny stood and chugged his orange juice and grabbed another piece of toast, "See ya'll later!" he ran out the door.  
  
Dale looked at Donny as he ran out the door and sighed, "I swear that boy needs to find some work," he looked over at Tara, "Are you excited about your birthday coming up? 12 years old."  
  
Tara smiled softly again, "Kinda."  
  
"Kinda? Why kinda?"  
  
Tara just shrugged. Her birthday never seemed important to her. She never had friends to invite over so when her birthday came along, with was always a small family gathering consisting of her parents, aunt and uncle, and her cousin Beth.  
  
The presents were always the same, little cute dresses, acessories, a little doll, always boring. But always at night, her mother would give her something that made Tara smile brightly. It was the only thing she looked forward to.  
  
"Well look at that! Now that's going to look precious on you!" exclaimed Dale as Tara opened her first present from her aunt and uncle.  
  
Amber smiled, "It is a very lovely flower dress." but it really wasn't. It was something all the other girls wore.  
  
Nonetheless, Tara smiled and hugged her relatives, "Thank you very much. It's beautiful."  
  
"Okay open mine now!" Beth exclaimed. The girl was only two years younger than Tara and was spoiled rotten.  
  
Tara smiled once again and took the small box from her cousin and began to carefully unpeal the tape.  
  
"God you take so long!" Donny groaned, "Why you gatta be so careful? Just rip it open!"  
  
Finally the wraping paper was off and she opened the shoe box and found a little stuffed Piglet, from Winnie the Pooh. "Wow Beth, this is really cute," Tara stood and walked to her cousin and gace her a hug, "Thank you."  
  
At the end of the night, the men, aside from Donny, were drinking and talking of politics while the women spoke of baking. When the uncle, aunt, and Beth left, Tara realized Dale had a bit much to drink.  
  
"Woman! I said I was fine! I can walk without you!" Dale slurred.  
  
"Dale, please," Amber pleaded as she sensed what was about to happen.  
  
Dale walked and tripped over a rug, "Dammit! I thought this place was clean!" He rose and faced Amber, "Did you clean?"  
  
"Yes I did, Dale."  
  
"Are you raising your voice at me?" anger rose in him.  
  
"No I'm not. I'm just telling you that-"  
  
Amber was cut off by Dale grabbing her arms, "You raised your voice at me!"  
  
Donny sat in a chair near by and did nothing. Tara stood at the base of the stairs. She closed her eyes for a minute to breathe. She wanted to do something, maybe she can calm her father down. She's done it before. What if she couldn't and made him more angry instead. He hits harder when he's angry. Tara opened her eyes and saw his anger was rising and saw Donny hadn't made a move to intervine.  
  
She took a deep breath and walked to her parents, "Please stop, Dad."  
  
Dale looked at Tara, "You too?"  
  
Donny, made a small chuckle sound.  
  
"N-no, Dad, I ment... Just please calm d-down." she pleaded as tears began to form, "Th-there's no need to get... angry."  
  
For a second, Dale looked like he had calmed, like he was going to sit down and sleep, but then his face shifted. He let go of Amber by pushing her away, into a wall, and grabbed Tara, "You little brat!" he spat, "You are nothing! You think you're smart but it's all for nothing cause you've got the evil inside. Without us, you will be nothing!" he pushed her to the floor and stepped over her walking into the kitchen and into the backyard.  
  
She stayed on the floor for a minute, letting the tears flow down her cheeks. Finally, she stood up and looked at her mother. Amber was just looking at her feet, also crying. Tara looked at Donny, he was sitting in a chair with a leg up biting his thumb nail like nothing had happened. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she started back up the stairs.  
  
Opening the door and walking through it, Tara gently closed it. She walked to the small twin sized bed against the wall, under the window. She put the stuffed Piglet on the shelf above her bed.   
  
There was a knock at her door then it opened revealing Donny, "Hey, you okay?" he asked as he walked in. A bit too casual to be safe.  
  
Tara sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand, "Yeah."  
  
"Aww," Donny said in a sarcastic tone as he slowly walked toward Tara, "You sure about that, Tara?"  
  
Tara looked up at her brother with glazed eyes filled with fear, "D-donny?"  
  
He picked up the Piglet, "It is kinda cute," he tighten his hold on it, "But pretty stupid. Like you," he turned to her and hit her shoulder knocking her off her bed, "I don't get this! You always do this to us. We were fine before you came. You ruined everything!" He grabbed her shoulder as she tried to stand and lifted her, "You really fucked up everything for us!" he jabbed her hard in the ribs, enough to knock the air out of her.  
  
Tara fell to the floor and clutched her side. She leaned over supporting herself with one arm as the other held onto her side. She could feel her ribs, they were bruised. She always bruised easily. With sharp, small breaths, Tara tried to get air into her body, but she wasn't having much success.  
  
Donny shook his head and walked out of Tara's room, slamming the door behind him. Her breaths were finally growing deeper, slowly but deeper.   
  
After several minutes, perhaps it was 30 or so, Tara finally stood up. Pain stayed in her right side, she could feel a small swell on her rib cage. Nothing broken, he didn't hit her that hard. Just bruised, she was just bruised.  
  
Slowly, Tara walked to her light switch and turned it off. Once the light was off, she walked to her bed and gently layed herself down on her back and stared out the window at the stars. She blinked a few times, softly placing her hand on her rib cage. Tears began to build in her eyes again and she blinked them away. Her breathing began to become rythmic and slow. She closed her eyes and slowly fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
November  
  
7th grade has been going slow and is almost exactly the same as the previous two months. The only difference was that she won Student of the Week. Only more ammo for all the kids who love to poke fun.  
  
Tara walked through the school library looking for a new book. She wanted to go for a horror this month, perhaps Stephan King.  
  
Looking through all the rows her eyes finally landed on "Carrie". Tara grabbed the thin book and looked at the back: A repressed girl who is the butt of every joke finally gets revenge. How nice, Tara thought sarcastically. Still, she decided to check it out.  
  
That very day at lunch, Tara sat outside near the gym where she always sat. She held the book in her hands but didn't open it. She just looked at the boys playing basketball or football on the field. Always being active.  
  
Soon, before she knew it, Thanksgiving Day came. Both Tara and Amber never cared much for this holiday, but Dale loved it. All an excuse to eat until he was full.  
  
"Geting all the good stuff right? Yams, mashed patatoes, and stuffing?" Dale said in an almost kiddish excitement.  
  
Amber giggled slightly, "Yes, of course. Has it ever been any other way?"  
  
Dale smiled and went into the living room leaving Tara and Amber to the cooking. Tara started on opening the can of yams with a manual can opener. She always opened the yams, every year, the same number of cans. Her mother taught her all the little secrets and the "just right" amount of ingredients for the entire meal.  
  
"Boy that was wonderful!" Dale exclaimed.  
  
Donny smiled and yawned in sheer joy, "Very good, Mom. It was great."  
  
As Amber and Tara picked up all the plates, Dale stood and said, "Well, I'm going to watch some TV. Donny?"  
  
Donny stood quickely, "Sure thing, Dad!" They both walked to the living room and Amber and Tara heard the sounds of the television as they collected all the plates and cups.  
  
In the kitchen mother and daughter began to wash the dishes they had collected. They worked in silence, walking around the kitchen putting little things, knick knacks, and dishes back in their rightful places. However, Tara's heart wasn't in it. Amber looked at her daughter and noticed her energy shift, and has been shifting for some time now. Amber continued to wash a plate as she said, "Tara, hun, is there something on your mind?"  
  
Tara turned to her mother from the chair she was standing on. She stared at her mother, and exact, older image of herself, honey blonde hair and ice blue eyes. Tara placed the cups back in the cup board then stepped off the chair, "Yeah, Mom. I'm fine. Why?"  
  
The dish was rinsed and placed on the rack with the rest as Amber turned to face Tara, "I can tell by your energy, Tara. It's changed. You're different."  
  
"Mom," Tara grabbed more dishes that were dry and began to put them away, "Please. I th-think you're exagerating."   
  
Amber exhaled and went back to washing the dishes, "I know it's late but, your birthday present is waiting under your bed."  
  
Tara turned back to her mother to see her back. Imediately Tara felt awful and closed her eyes. She breathed in a few times before saying, "I'm lonely."  
  
The movement at the sink stopped. Amber slowly turned and wore a sympathetic look oh her face, "Oh sweetie," she walked to Tara with her arms open and gathered her daughter and held her tightly. She began to rub her back softly as she heard small sniffs and wimpers coming from her daughter, "Sshhh, baby. I'm here for you. The Goddess is here for you also. Have some patience and the benevolent Goddess will help you." Amber held Tara tighter.  
  
"What is this talk?" Dale interupted, "Am I hearing this right?" he stepped into the kitchen.  
  
Amber let go of Tara and turned to face Dale, "Dale..."  
  
"What?" Dale stood right in front of Amber with his arms crossed, staring at her intensely, "What could you possibly say?" he glanced at Tara, "Telling my daughter about all this nonsense of Goddesses and magic and spells." He grabbed her arm.  
  
Amber tried to pull back but had no avail, however, her efforts did not go unpunished. Dale slapped her across the face, still holding her, "How dare you teach her of all that evil when she has that demon in her?"   
  
Taking a step forward in a bold move, Tara grabbed her father's free arm, "Dad, please no."  
  
Without thinking, Dale turned and backhanded Tara. She stummbled back and tripped over a chair falling to the ground. She leaned against the cup boards and looked up, terrified.  
  
"Damn you woman." he said and let her go. He walked out of the kitchen and left Amber and Tara to themselves.  
  
December  
  
The snow began to fall. Everywhere anyone would look, they'd see whiteness. The winters in Colorado Springs were like any other in the state of Colorado. Everyone is adviced to covered up as the temperature can go quite low.  
  
"Alright kids. There's way too much snow outside so... Looks like you're all stuck playing dodge ball. Everhart's and my classes verses the two Armendarez's classes. Get in places and we'll start in two minutes." announced Mr. Geofredo. Tara, being on Ms. A Amrendarez's class moved to that side of the gym. She looked at the twin teachers and smiled. How wonderful it must have been to have a twin sister growing up and then working together in adult life.   
  
In mid thought, the game began when Tara heard the whistle being blown and a ball flew right past her head. She turned her attention back to the other side and made her way toward the back. She hated being the first one hit. Seeing 3 more balls flying near her, Tara ducked, turned, and jumped out of the way with her pony tail flying about. She wanted to participate in this game but she was afraid of letting down her team. Her attention was caught by one ball on the floor. She took one step toward the ball and didn't notice the other ball coming toward her. Within a split second, the ball made contact with her head. The ball hit her quite hard, in fact she literally saw stars for a moment. With her hand to her head, Tara walked out of the game and sat at the bottom of the beachers and continued to watch the game.  
  
All she did was stare at the students playing the game. She glanced at the clock next to the painted Yellow Jacket, some mascot. Still a good 35 minutes left of class. Wonderful... Tara moved to the floor and brought up her knees to her chin and hugged her legs.  
  
Out of nowhere, a girl with brown hair that had a glow of red in it, perhaps it was red ash sat next to Tara, mimicking her exact possition. Tara closed her eyes for a moment and breathed in, 'Great... What now?' Tara thought, as she turned to the girl. About 3 seconds past until the girl turned to face Tara with a big smile on her face. Her pale white skin made her hazel/green eyes stick out (A/N: I swear It's not Willow... I'm describing a friend of mine and I just realized she have the same features as Alyson Hannigan. It's the Irish in them, but it's not a Willow lookalike). The girl finally spoke, "Hi! I'm Adrienne."  
  
Tara smiled, "Tara."  
  
Adrienne smiled and nodded, "Cool name. Ya know, we're in the same PE class."  
  
"I know. Also band. You play the flute right?"  
  
Adrienne made a small laugh, "Yeah, I like it. I also play electric bass." Adrienne Wilson was her name. She was the same age as Tara, a few months older. Her skin was quite pale even to compare with Tara's. Her brown/red hair even looked like it was super soft.   
  
"That's pretty cool," Tara began to get more enthusiastic, "I also play piano."  
  
"Wow," Adrienne shifted herself to face Tara, "That's awesome..."  
  
They continued to talk the entire period, then the bell rang. They walked together into the locker room. Their lockers were away from each other but once they were done changing, they met outside to wait for the bell to ring.  
  
Tara waited by a pillar, she looked down at herself and saw what she was dressed in. She had on a pair of blue jeans that were about one size too big, a maroon long sleeved shirt with flower designs at the bottom, a small black jacket, black converse shoes, and finally had her hair down. She felt like a complete idiot. Adrienne would surely laugh at her.  
  
"Hey, Tara!" Adrienne called as she came up to Tara. She was wearing a pair of black jeans with black boots, a black blouse, complete with a black back pack. Her hair was down and she had put on some black eye liner, "Cute shirt."  
  
Tara smiled shyly, "Thanks." She hugged her folder tighter as she looked at Adrienne again, wow did she look beautiful.  
  
January 1993  
  
Since that day in December, Tara and Adrienne would always talk to one another in PE. They'd always team up as partners for whatever the activity may be.  
  
"You should really eat lunch with me today, Tara. I'm always in the art room or band room talking to the teachers." Adrienne said as both she and Tara waited for the bell.  
  
Tara made a half smile, "Th-that'd be cool. I'm usually in the library alone. It's n-not my idea of fun." she chuckled.  
  
Adrienne smiled at Tara, "Great! But I have to go to my locker first. That okay?" she looked at Tara for an answer.  
  
"That's fine."  
  
The bell rang and they made their way through the hall packed with preteen students. Tara kept getting bumped into even though she tried to avoid it. Adrienne just walked without a second thought.  
  
When they finally got to Adrienne's locker, there was a guy with baggy black pants, red t-shirt with a logo on it, and a blue back pack. He looked up and reavealed his green eyes that matched his spiked dark brown hair. She smiled, "Hey Adrienne!"  
  
Her eyes went wide and a huge smile took over her face, "Oh my god, Tim!" she ran and nearly jumped on him to hug him. He seemed to be about 5'3" whereas Adrienne and herself were about 4'9", still a ways to go before he'd reach his full height. When he let her go she stood and looked up at him, "When did you get back?"  
  
Tim Cunliffe cocked up his head as if thinking of an outrageous story to tell, then he lowered his head and half smiled, "Got back pretty much now." He smiled again then looked to Tara then back at Adrienne.  
  
"Oh!" Adrienne exclaimed, "Tim! This is Tara. Tara this is Tim."  
  
He felt a lump in his throat when he said, "Hey." he almost forgot how to breathe.  
  
Tara looked up and smiled at him, "Hi." Tara felt uncomfortable as she looked at the situation. Here was this girl who finally noticed her and was close to becoming a friend and now, this girl is most likely going to ditch her for a friend who came back. "Well," Tara started, "I sh-should go. You guys can, um, catch up."  
  
"Hey," Adrienne said as she reached for Tara's shoulder, "You should hang with us. Besides, you said you'd eat lunch with me."  
  
She did have a point. Tara was never one to go back on her word. She simply smiled and nodded an okay.  
  
February  
  
"I never understood the whole theme dances. Back to school dance, winter dance, valentine's day dance, spring dance. It's all pretty lame. High school dances are way better I bet. Course the music they'll play is always going to suck." Tim ranted before picking up his bottle of pepsi before drinking it.  
  
Adrienne turned to Tara with a smile on her face, "Tim's got a thing about dances. He thinks they should all involve him playing drums."  
  
"Hey! There's a reason I'm section leader. I'm good." Tim smiled and fell onto his back.  
  
Their spot had become a corner of the grass field where it met the gym. Although, right now it was covered in snow. They'd eat lunch there and talk amongst themselves. No one ever bothered them and they bothered no one. The month past like a breeze.  
  
March  
  
"Damn," Tim said in awe as he looked through both Tara and Adrienne's sketch books, "You guys got some talent."  
  
Adrienne took a bite of her apple, "Hence why we're in art club." She crawled behind Tim, "See, we don't stay to one thing, like you. You are just in band. Tara and I have band, but also art. We're well rounded."  
  
Tim leaned back against Adrienne's lap, "Hey, I'm going to be a rock star. No need to be well rounded for me. Wow, that rhymed."  
  
At the end of the day, Tara was at her locker placing her text books in there. Despite knowing Tim and Adrienne, she still felt uncomfortable. Each guy she ever knew was awful to her. The only person she could trust was her mother and now she felt she could trust Adrienne. But still, Tara felt uneasy about Tim. She pulled out her checked out library book, this month it was "Old Magic" (A/N: It's an actual book, but I can't remember the author. When I find it, I'll post it.) which was about a young witch helping a boy lift a curse from his family.  
  
From behind her, an 8th grade boy grabbed the book from her hands, "Man, these books are getting just awful." He began to skim through the pages, "Who the hell is Jillian?"  
  
Tara reached for the book but the older boy pulled back, "Hey girl, you want this back?" He began to tease her, "You want your book back, nerd?" When she said nothing and looked down at her feet, the boy began to get angry. "Oh so that's it? What the hell? All you damn freaks are all the same!" he pushed her against her locker.  
  
That was the last straw for Tim. He opened the door and yelled out, "Hey Glenn!" he walked hard toward the older boy, "Are you so much of a jackass you'd push a girl into the lockers? Why not mess with me?" Tim stood right in front of Glenn, "What? You scared now?"  
  
Tara was in amazment because she had never had anyone stand up for her before. She was scared though, Glenn was bigger than Tim and she couldn't handle it if he got hurt because of her.  
  
Glenn took a swing at Tim, however, Tim dodged it with ease and jabbed Glenn right in the gut knocking him to the floor. Tim bent over and pulled Glenn up back to his feet by the collar of his shirt, "What now, big man?" Glenn made a noise, "What was that? Didn't quite hear you," Tim jabbed Glenn in the nose and let him go. Glenn got back up to his feet and held his nose, luckily it wasn't bleeding, "Stay away from her. Got it?" Glenn quickly nodded and ran out of the hallway.  
  
Tara was confused. No one stood up for her, she was glad but why did he do it?  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Awaken from her thoughts, Tara looked up at Tim, "Yeah. Thank you." She looked down for a moment then looked back up, "Why'd you do it?"  
  
Tim made a confused look, "Why'd I help you? You're my friend. It's what friends do, help each other." Tim smiled again and moved to Tara's side and put an arm around her as they began to walk, "I'll just be your guardian, your body guard!" he laughed.  
  
April  
  
This was a year to remember. What made Tara sad was that it was almost over. She preyed for friends and she got two great ones. She only was with them inside of school, hanging out away from school was a big step for Tara. One step at a time, girl. She would eventually be with them outside of school, but not yet.  
  
"Wow, you're going to be 13 years old. A teenager. You old hag!" Tim said in a jokingly matter.  
  
"It's almost like, uh, a right of passage." Tara said with smile on her face, then she imediately began to blush. Could she had said anything more stupid?  
  
Adrienne looked up at the clear blue sky, "Yeah," she said contently, "It sure is."  
  
Everyone was quiet for a moment, then Tim opened a can of soda and took a drink from it. He waited a couple seconds before speaking, "You know this means a party right?"  
  
"What? Oh no no no no." Adrienne said.  
  
"Why not? You know it's just going to be us three. No one else ever wants to hang with us." Tim explained.  
  
Adrienne laughed, "I know I know," she paused, "We'll see." She turned to Tara, "If I do, you're coming right?"  
  
"Oh, um, I don't know." Tara stammered.  
  
"Oh c'mon, you have to!"  
  
Tara exhaled, "Okay. I'll ask."  
  
But she never did. She was too afraid to startle up an argument with her parents. Tara decided she would wait. The only thing she could come up with as an excuse was that there was a family vacation when in reality, it was Dale going on a fishing trip with her uncle. She felt awful that she had wished so much for friends, then she lied to them.   
  
May  
  
"Bills, bills, and more bills. That's all we ever get!" Dale shouted, going through each envelope. "Tara, get me some water."  
  
She rose from her spot on the couch, moving her math text book from her lap and walked to the kitchen. She opened a cup board and reached for Dale's favorite glass that he got when he went on a hunting trip. Opening the freezer, she grabbed a few ice cubes and dropped them in the glass. Softly closing the freezer, she made her way to the sink and turned on the water filling up the glass about a centimeter away from the rim.  
  
Tara walked back into the dining room and place the glass in front of Dale, but she placed it a little too close to the paper. A little bit of water dripped onto a bill.  
  
"Tara!" Dale jumped from his seat, "What's wrong with you? You're spilling the water all over the place!" He began to reach for all the papers near the glass.  
  
"I'm... I'm really sorry, Dad." Tara lowered her head and looked up to her father.  
  
All the stress and anger rose and his eyes began to quiver, "You will speak when I say you can!" He quickly gave her a backhanded slap across the face, not enough to push her back, but enough to hurt, "Understand?"  
  
Tara slowly moved her head back up to face her father, "Yes, sir."  
  
Dale nodded and sat back down, "Good." He went back to his paper work. He looked back up, "You can go back in the other room now."  
  
With a sad smile and a nod, Tara went back into the living room. Picking up her text book, she stared at the pages but not really staring at them. She began to dred the upcoming summer vacation. Of course she would not be able to see her friends at all because she'd be stuck at home. She almost wanted to cry as the depression of that realization hit her.  
  
From the other room Dale called out, "Tara! You're slacking off on your practicing. I want to hear you practice either the violin or piano when you're done with you're homework. Got it?"  
  
With a soft and quite sigh, Tara replied, "Yes, sir."  
  
June  
  
On the last day of school, at the last period of the day, almost every student ran out the doors throwing papers and folders and back packs. Tara calmly walked out of the front gate and saw both Tim and Adrienne.  
  
"Tara!" Adrienne called.  
  
She smiled and walked toward them, "Hey."  
  
"Oh my god Tara! My sister, Andrea, just told me that we're going to Alabama to see our family for the summer!" she began to jump up and down, "I'm so excited! I haven't seen my mom in almost a year so I'm really excited."  
  
"Wow," Tara started, "That's really good. I'm really h-happy for you." She put on a smile, "So... You're going to be gone all s-summer?" she said trying to hide her dejected feeling.  
  
"Pretty much," the smile never left her face.  
  
"Guess she got bored of us eh?" Tim joked.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's just it ya punk." Adrienne laughed.  
  
"Wh-what are your plans... Tim?" Tara asked.  
  
He shruged, "Pretty much nothing. Or except summer school for English. Man, I'm telling you she hated me."  
  
"Awww," Adrienne went up to Tim and began to pinch his cheeks, "Poor baby! Who could ever hate you?"  
  
July  
  
Including the sketchbook that was taken by those bully girls, Tara had gone through 4 sketchbooks, and now she needed a new one. But she was tired of sketching and drawing with pencil, or even with charcoal. She was tired of that and wanted to do something new with the mediums or art. Adrienne loved acrylic paints. Tara really wanted to try that. It would be an interesting change for her, but how would she get the materials? Dale would never give her the money, no wasy in hell.  
  
The best thing may be to do what all young girls do: babysit. She was 12, turning 13 later that year, she's old enough to watch a little 4 year old girl for a couple of hours. Tara made up her mind, she could do some babysitting over the summer and earn a little extra cash since an allowance was non exsistant to her.  
  
Tara walked down the block to a house with a single mom that had a 4 year old daughter. She looked up at the door, just looking at it. Anxiety was begining to dwell on her. Come on Tara, knock already! Thoughts racing through her head a mile a minute. So many senarios of the outcome, most of them negetive.  
  
After much thought, Tara decided it was a bad idea. Who was she kidding? She'd never be able to- Her thoughts were interupted by the young mother opening the door, "Oh, Tara, hi. Can I help you?"  
  
"Uh, hi Ms. Williamson." Tara began to get very nervous.  
  
"What's on your mind?" Ashley Williamson asked as she began to gather the mail from the mail box.  
  
Tara gathered her thoughts then she spoke, "Well, my mother w-was telling me that, um, you're looking for, uh, a babysitter for, Monica."  
  
"Wow, Tara. You think you can handle her?" Ashley looked at Tara.  
  
Tara mearly nodded.  
  
With a smile, Ashley said, "Well, Tara, I trust you. But I'm going to need you a lot during the summer. Does 3 dollars an hour sound fair?" (A/N: In my mind that's way too little, but it IS 1992 and I think Minimum Wage was like $4.)  
  
"Sounds... Great to me." she replied with a smile.  
  
Well, a 4 year old sounded easier than it sounded, by little Monica wasn't all that bad once she was fed and read a book. By the time 9 o'clock came, she was always ready for bed or just knocked out. However, it took little Monica a few days to get used to Tara taking care of her.  
  
August  
  
Monday through Friday since the begining of July, Tara's been taking care of young Monica. She began to really grow accustom to the little girl. Only when she had sugar in her did Monica become a handful, but Tara was always able to calm her down. It never took much, Monica would usually quiet when Tara threatened not to read to her from a story book.  
  
"4 hours, that's $12 for you, Tara." Ashley began to pull out some dollar bills and began to count them, "Tara, you're so good with her. She's absolutely adores you. And I really appreciate that you read to her."  
  
With a proud smile on her face, Tara replied, "It's no problem... Really."  
  
At home, Tara continued to help Amber around the house, cooking and cleaning, but she was also added another chore to do, "Tara!" Donny yelled out.  
  
Like an obiediant dog, Tara came to her brother when he called her. She leaned on the doorway and poked her head around it to see inside Donny's room and see what he wanted.  
  
Once he had grabbed his wallet and put on his jacket, he finally turned and saw her, "Well, damn. About damn time. How long were you standing there?" he asked while he fixed the collar on his coat and around his wrists before finally checking his hair in the mirror. He never did anything special with it, even though he thought he did.  
  
"Um, n-not long." she replied, still leaning over the doorway, not moving.  
  
"Listen," he started as he began to shuffle through his dresser, "I'm late for work. I need you to clean up a bit in here. Ya know, the usual things, make the bed, vacum, a littl dusting. Oh, and toss my dirty clothes in the hamper."  
  
How did she know he was going to ask her to clean his room for him? Of course, he always asked ever since he started working at the propane shop with their father. He always had Tara clean up his messes but now it was way more obvious to Tara that he was doing it. "Um... S-sure." she said almost sulkingly.  
  
Donny cought that sulk. He began to grow angry, "What? You afraid to do a little house work or something?" He walked toward her, "Can't handle it or something? You think Mom is gunna be here forever to clean up?" He grabbed her shoulder, hard, "I think you better start learning, Tara." with that, he pushed her away. "Better be clean when I get back." and he walked out.  
  
With a hard sigh, Tara turned around and went back downstairs. She hated having to clean Donny's room, there were always dirty clothes and dirty plates. It was just disgusting. Sometimes, Tara would wonder why Donny hasn't gotten lepracy yet.   
  
Once Tara made it back in the kitchen, she went straight to the box of garbage bags and tore one out. Then she went to the sink and opened up the cup board beneath it and took out a couple of rags for dusting. After she got the supplies she needed, she went back upstairs to Donny's room and began to clean it. Trying desperately to hold her breath each time she found and old piece of food. Some of them she was sure had been there for at least a year.  
  
But she did eventually finish cleaning his room, and a damn good job she did. She smelled a hell of a lot better than before, and she was sure nothing would be growing from a plate. She made her way down the stairs, holding the big trash bag and walked outside to the trash cans to toss the bag. Now she would start on her own room. Yet, her room never needed much cleaning because Tara was always one to keep it clean. Well, at least it would be an easy job.  
  
All Tara's room needed was just a vacum and straighten out the bed. Once that was done, her room was perfect. The bed all neat in its little corner under the window, a small and organized book shelf/dresser right across from it, and finally, a desk that completes the room. It was smallest room in the house, but Tara loved it nonetheless. It was very calming and relaxing, much like the basement, which was the other room Tara loved.  
  
Tara got on her knees and reached for a small shoe box under her bed. Once she got it, she opened it. It was her mother's birthday gift to her. A grey necklace with a celtic symbol on it. She hadn't worn it for fear of her father seeing it, but every so often, she'd pull it out and look at it and the longing to wear it grew. She put it back and reached for an envelope in between the matress and frame. After pulling it out, Tara opened it and counted the money she had saved all summer, very little of it was spent. She had babysat for about 35 days, 4 hours a day, at $3 an hour... A good $400 she had. A nice chunk of change that so far, only Amber knew about. Tara would make sure that only Amber would know about it.   
  
Taking a quick minute to reflect on this past year, Tara actually smiled. She liked how the whole year turned out. She finally made friends and she's not making some money. For the first time in her entire life, Tara Maclay looked forward to the next school year, for 8th grade. More specifically, she looked forward to Adrienne and Tim. Even more so to Adrienne.  
  
Author's Note: Wow, I dunno if I'll keep that format of going month by month. I probably will since it forces me to write out long chapters. Anyway, the next chapter I'll work on religiously but it may take a couple of weeks to get out. On forth 8th grade! 


	3. 8th Grade

Disclaimer: Holds up glasses All I own! You sue, that's all you get! Oh and this half used lady speed stick deodorant. Want it?  
  
Author's Note: I've looked and looked and never understood the difference between Paganism and Wicca so... I'm making it simple for myself, Wiccans do witchcraft, Pagans are more spiritual. Shrugs If I'm wrong may some super natural being strike me down!  
  
"Chapters"  
  
September 1993  
  
For the first time, Tara looked forward to going back to school. She was happier than he had ever been. What's not to be happy about? She was babysitting and making money, she bought art supplies, fixed the bow for her violin, and, oh, here's a goodie, she made friends: Adrienne Wilson and Tim Cunliffe.  
  
It was the first day of school, a day Tara usually dreaded, but not this time. She checked herself in the mirror. Black converse shoes, nice blue jeans that fit perfectly, a long sleeve black shirt with little designs at the bottom, hair down, and a little black jacket that matched her little black back pack. She felt somewhat confidant in herself and everything else. That's a first, she thought sarcastically.  
  
She picked up her back pack and made her way down stairs before Dale or Donny, dropped her back pack in the living room, then went into the kitchen to help Amber set up breakfast. Oatmeal and toast with orange juice, a nicely balanced breakfast.  
  
"Mom? What should I set up?" Tara asked, waiting in the doorway.  
  
Amber looked up from the stove, "Oh, good morning, Tara. Um, I suppose just set up the bowls so I could pour in the oatmeal." She stured the oatmeal one last time, "And the small dishes for the toast."  
  
With a swift move to the cupboard, Tara did what her mother asked, grabbing four bowls and placeing them on the table. Then she went back and got four small plates for toast and set them next to the bowls. Seeing Amber busy with pouring the oatmeal, Tara took it upon herself to grabb some glasses for the orange juice. Once she was finished placing the glasses, she looked at the table and half smiled.  
  
"So how'd that job treating you, Donny boy?" Dale said as he walked into the kitchen, stretching out his arms.  
  
"Eh, pretty good. Can't complain. All I can say, at least I don't work with the actual garbage," he said then laughed as he and Dale sat in their usual seats for breakfast.  
  
Dale looked into his bowl and saw the toast with just the right amount of butter. He breathed in the scent and smiled, "Mmm mmm. Amber this all smells absolutely delicious." He picked up a spoon and began to dig into his bowl of oatmeal.  
  
Once everyone was done with breakfast, Donny and Dale left for work while Tara helped Amber clean up. "Oh Tara," Amber looked at the clock on the wall, "You're going to be late for school. You'd better hurry. I'll finish up in here."  
  
"Oh, thanks, Mom!" Tara gave Amber a quick hug and went out the kitchen to get her back pack and out the front door and began her morning walk to school.  
  
Ever since she was in elementary she had walked to school, but when she was young, Amber would walk with her and pick her up. But once Tara got into middle school, Tara began to walk alone.  
  
October  
  
"13! You're a teenager Tara bear!" Adrienne shouted out as she hugged Tara tightly and spinned her around.  
  
Tara laughed aloud and once Adrienne release her, Tim came from behind her and picked her up saying, "Our little Tara is growing up!" he kept her in the air and began spinning in circles as he shouted, "You go girl!"  
  
Again, Tara laughed hard. There they were, in the front of the school, in the middle of the grass, spinning her around and shouted out to the whole world that she was 13. Wow, she thought as she looked at her situation. This had never happened before, then again, Tara had never had friends before.  
  
By the time Tim put her back down and they walked through the front doors of the middle school, there was 10 minutes til the bell.  
  
"Hey Tara," Tim said as he began to look through his back pack, "Here's a little something to hold you over until Adrienne and I can do something for your birthday," he continued to look through until he finally found it. "Here is it!" He pulled out a small bag full of fruit loops, "The best frickin' cereal ever!" he handed her the bag.  
  
Tara smiled and made a small laugh as she took the bag, "Wow, thanks Tim. They, um, smell really good." She hugged him.  
  
At lunch time, the three friends went to their usual spot and sat together as they looked on the other kids playing basketball or football.  
  
"Idiots! They play because that's what they want you to do!" Tim shouted, "You can't give in." he looked to Tara and Adrienne, "Don't give in! They want to program us like their little robots. Don't give into society." he finished with a grin.  
  
"Um," Adrienne mummbled, "Right... Anyway, Tara, what does your family have planned for you?"  
  
Tara thought for a moment, then spoke, "Well, probably wh-what we do every year. Small family dinner." she weakly smiled and nodded, "It's really not... That big of a deal. Really."  
  
"Aw man Tara, you gatta let us take you out!" Tim exclaimed.  
  
"Or at least come to my house." Adrienne interjected.  
  
Tara shook her head, "I don't know. We always just have... A small family dinner. My dad, um, looks forward to... It." she shrugged.  
  
"Well," Adrienne started, "Come over anyway!" she said with a big smile on her face, "If not today then some other day. Some day soon. Whaddya say? Say yes!"  
  
Tara smiled softly, "I'll see wh-what my dad... Says."  
  
Later that day when Tara came home, she came home to find that neither Dale or Donny were there. She was confused because normally Dale was home by the time Tara got home from school. Where could they have gone? Who knows. Trying not to let it bother her, Tara made her way upstairs to her room and dropped her back pack on the floor and plopped on her bed and hugged her pillows.  
  
Now that was something she couldn't live without: Pillows. And her pillows were just perfect. They were so soft and the cases were always cool to lay her face on. She hugged one of her pillows tightly and closed her eyes as she layed on her side. It always helped Tara think better when she layed like this.  
  
Lately, Tara had been doing a lot of thinking. And not about school or music or anything like that. Tara had been thinking about sexuality. This was something that began to scare her. Tara had never had crushes on anyone in her entire life. She was sure she knew the difference between a friendship liking and a crush, but now she wasn't so sure. This thought began to scare her because not only did she think she may have a crush, but what really scared her was that she feared it was on a girl. Specifically on Adrienne.  
  
Yeah, she was definitely scared. Did this mean she was bisexual? A lesbian? Maybe it wasn't a crush, just some crazy thought. Yeah, it had to have been a crazy thought. Yes. There is a demon in there, she had to just keep herself kind of normal. She did not need any confusing feelings running around in her head. Especially about a silly thing like sexuality.  
  
Still, thinking back, she never did have any sort of crushes on guys. But she always did look at certain girls in a different way... No. She shook her head vigorously. She needed to keep some feeling of normalcy within her.  
  
She sighed, "Tara, you're going crazy." she told herself aloud.  
  
She walked to her desk and pulled out her books and folders and began on her homework. As she pulled out a piece of paper and started the heading, she remembered about Adrienne wanting her to go over to her house. She closed her eyes at that thought and massaged her forehead. Of course her father would say no, especially since she was still in middle school. Dale believed that Tara should not go out and about to other people's houses unless she was already in high school when she was responsible.  
  
But it was okay because Tara knew that this year was the last year of complete house arrest. Even though Dale would be tough on her during high school because she would be older, at least she would be able to go outside once in a while. But until then, Tara had to wait.  
  
November  
  
Tara decided to ignore the thoughts and feelings she'd been having and fell into a complete and utter denial. She made up her mind, she was being silly when it came to this sexuality thing. Should she talk to her mother about this? Would Amber understand? Or would she freak out and blame the demon?  
  
Cursing herself inwardly, Tara thought about her question. Of course Amber would not freak and blame the demon. That would be Dale's job. Amber would never do that. She was the one who was always telling Tara that they didn't have demons. That they were just Wiccan. They were Witches. But good witches who wanted to protect the Earth and help people. Not disgusting, ugly, evil demons.  
  
Once she walked through the front doors of the school, Tara was greeted by Adrienne and Tim. The three friends smiled at each other and all hugged and all that nice stuff. Making a quick scan on Adrienne, Tara noticed that Adrienne was still wearing all black, but also begining to wear more punkish clothing. Although, she did not go overboard at all. Tara made the hug to Adrienne extra long, only by two seconds.  
  
When Tara realized she had hugged Adrienne that extra couple of seconds, she immediately let her go and backed up, "Um, sorry."  
  
Adrienne blinked, "Huh? For what?"  
  
"Oh, um, n-nothing." Tara smiled.  
  
At lunch time, the trio met in their usual spot. It was getting closer to winter and the air was telling everyone that it would be here soon. As the friends sat there and breathed in the crisp Colorado air, they were quiet.  
  
It was Tim that broke the silence, "Ya know Tara, I really wish we could've done something about your birthday."  
  
Adrienne, who was laying on her back looking up at the sky, rolled onto her side and looked at Tara, "Yeah. We could still do something if you want?"  
  
"Oh, um, no that's okay. It's already... Over," she smiled and sighed, "It's not... A b-big deal."  
  
Both Tim and Adrienne's jaws dropped, but it was Adrienne who spoke, "Oh don't tell me your birthday is not a big deal, Tara. It is a big deal. It's your birthday. It's a good day to pay respects to the Goddess too."  
  
Tara lifted her head at that. An eye brow went up and her jaw dropped, "D-did you say, Goddess?"  
  
"Um yeah. C'mon Tara, I thought you knew I was Pagan." Adrienne said in a matter of fact kind of voice.  
  
Tara shruged, "I d-didn't think... I mean, I wasn't sure if... I was afraid I m-might've been, you know, wrong." she weakly smiled.  
  
"Tara," Adrienne moved closer to her, "You could've just asked. If you were wrong, who cares?"  
  
"Yeah," Tim spoke up, "You could even ask her about her boyfriend and kiss!" he began to tease her by making kissy noises.  
  
With that tease, Adrienne punched Tim in the arm, "Hey, anyone can make a mistake." she turned back.  
  
"Manuel?"  
  
Tara's eye widened, "Manny was your f-first boyfriend?" she was ready to laugh.  
  
Adrienne buried her face in her hands in embarrassment, "It lasted for week!"  
  
"Nikki?" Tim raised an eyebrow and smirked.  
  
Tara turned to Adrienne with a confused look on her face. Nikki? She looked down at her lap. Did he mean that other punkish girl? Wait, was Tim implying Adrienne had a relationship with Nikki? So many thoughts and wonders were going through Tara's head and they were all confusing her even more than she already was. What the hell? Tara finally looked up and waited for a response from Adrienne.  
  
Adrienne saw that both were staring at her, so she took a sip from her Sprite can then said, "Okay, yeah, I'm bisexual and made out with a girl... Nikki. She wasn't my girlfriend but, we just made out."  
  
"How come you guys didn't... Become girlfriends?" Tara asked.  
  
Adrienne thought for a moment, "She's wild. She's way into partying and doing drugs. All that crazy stuff." she shook her head at the memory.  
  
After a couple of weeks, Tara came home one day and went straight to her room. The information that Adrienne was bisexual never hit her until now, a random day in November.  
  
Tara walked inside her room and placed her back pack on the floor next to her bed and fell into the bed. She rolled onto her back and looked out the window at the sky. She smiled at the information, maybe she had a... No! Tara shook her head. Just because Adrienne was bisexual didn't mean she herself was bisexual.  
  
With a huge sigh, Tara got up from her bed and picked up her back pack to get out homework. She looked through her agenda and saw that she didn't have any homework except reading one chapter in April Morning. She figured that she could wait on that little piece of homework for later. After dinner most likely. So in the mean time, Tara figured she'd try out her new paints.  
  
December  
  
The snow began to fall once again. However, unlike most of Colorado, the little town of Colorado Springs never got huge amounts of snow. There was never huge blizzards but it was pretty chilly.  
  
Tara looked away from her new painting and smirked at it. Her first painting and it came out pretty decent. It was completely abstract and even Tara herself wasn't sure what it meant. Still, she shrugged and put it under her bed. While her hand was under her bed, Tara grabbed her shoebox and pulled it out and opened it. She took out her birthday gift from her mother, a scented candle in a metal container with little designs on it. She opened the lid and smelled it. So lovely, almost like roses.  
  
After hearing someone coming inside the house, Tara quickly covered the candle and placed it back in the shoe box, back under the bed. She got up to her feet and started gathering her art supplies and putting them away. She grabbed the used paint brushes and the cup of water and went into the bathroom with them. Once it was all cleaned she went back into her room and put all the supplies away.  
  
When Tara realized no one called her name, she went downstairs and found Dale looking through the mail. He heard movements and looked up and saw his daughter, "Oh, hello, Tara."  
  
Tara stopped moving, "Hi, Dad."  
  
Once he went through every envelope, he looked up at her and half smiled, "Did you have a good day at school today?" he motioned for her to follow him and he went into the living room.  
  
Tara followed him, "Um, yeah. Today I learned about, um, viruses and...b-bacteria. How they... Infect our b-bodies."  
  
Dale scoffed, "Right. Like that's important." He turned and looked at her and noticed the black and blue and green paints on her hands, "What's on your hands?"  
  
Tara froze, "Wh-what?" She looked at her hands, "Um... It's... It's just... Paints, Sir."  
  
Dale stood there, his nostrils flared, "Paints?" his breathing began to deepen.  
  
Tara swallowed hard, "Y-yes... Sir. I-in m-my... art... class. W-we painted."  
  
Dale scoffed again, "Art class? What did I tell you, Tara?" he grabbed her shoulders, jerking her, "Women do not need this art crap. Especially when you have an evil thing living in you." The anger was rising within him every second. His heart was pounding and his blood flowing quickly in his viens, "Dammit, Tara!" he backhanded her and she fell to the ground.  
  
Tara leaned against the couch, quivering. She held up an arm over her face in defense, although she knew it would not be much of a defense. She wanted to badly to back up more but she couldn't with the couch there, so Tara began to move toward the side, trying anything to get away from her enraged father.  
  
"Art? It's almost as bad as magic, Tara!" he grabbed her arm, hard, and brought her to her feet, "You're only feeding the evil in you." he shook her, "After all we've done, all we're trying to do, filling you with God and His love... You go and toss it away!" he hit her again. This time she didn't fall to the floor because he had held onto her, "I can't believe you, Tara. I really can't." he pushed her away and turned his back to her, walking away.  
  
She was left alone in the living room. She had tried to hard to stop the tears from coming down her cheeks. But they came down anyway. She wiped them with the back of her hand as she made her way back upstairs to her bedroom. She felt so drained and weak. Once she got inside her room, she gently closed the door and dragged her feet to her bed where she fell into it and hugged her pillow. Then more tears came down. Why did she have to be so wrong? Everything with her was wrong.  
  
After a few minutes, she rolled out of bed and sat on the floor. She reached under her bed for a different shoe box. After she pulled it out she opened it and took out some pictures. They were pictures of Tim, Adrienne, and herself. She studied herself on the picture and saw a ghost of a girl. Why did she always have to look scared? But Tara did find a lovely picture of the three of them. Tim made an "oh I'm so sexy" face, Adrienne stuck out her tongue, and Tara looked up at the sky.  
  
She put the pictures back and took out a small box. She opened it and pulled out the ring inside. It was a ring that had a Celtic symbol on it, different sign than from her necklace. She looked at the ring almost longingly. It was a gift from Adrienne for her birthday. Another gift that Tara could not let her father see. She put it back in its box then again in the shoe box and back under the bed. She went over to her violin case and opened it pulling out her violin. She began with scales before moving onto actual music.  
  
While she played, her thoughts ran through her head a mile a minute. All the same thoughts. She couldn't keep this to herself much longer. Tara needed to talk to someone about these thoughts and feelings.  
  
January 1994  
  
The school year was almost half over and then was the next big step: High School. Tara was almost scared about going to high school because of all the older kids, harder classes, and greater expectations. But right now, in the middle of 8th grade, Tara didn't want to think about the hard future that lies ahead of her. She wanted to focus on the present with her friends, with her life, and with her inner self.  
  
Tara went down the stairs and into the kitchen where Amber was getting out food to make for dinner. Tara slowly walked into the kitchen, almost afraid to open her mouth about what she wanted to ask, but she knew she had to.  
  
Amber had put about 6 patatoes in the sink then she turned around and saw Tara standing in the doorway with a downcasted face. She wiped her hands with a towel and asked, "Tara? Are you okay?"  
  
Looking up at her mother, Tara smiled weakly, "Yeah... I-I think so."  
  
Amber placed her hands on her hips and smiled at her daughter, "What's going through your head?"  
  
Nearly breaking down, Tara asked in a shakey voice, "Is it wrong?"  
  
A confused look washed over Amber's face, "Is what wrong?"  
  
Tears began to build in Tara's eyes, "Me. Am I wrong?" The tears began to fall down her cheeks.  
  
"Oh honey," Amber went directly to her daughter and embraced her tightly, "Tara, I really don't understand what you're talking about. But there is no way you're wrong in any way."  
  
Never releasing the embrace, Tara said, "I'm confused, Mom. I d-don't understand."  
  
"What?" Amber asked and she ran her hand through Tara's honey blonde hair, "What is it?"  
  
This is it, Tara thought to herself, time to face the music. Tara pulled away from her mother's embrace and stared at her feet for a moment before moving her head to look at Amber. Her mouth was slightly open and her cheeks were stained with tears. Finally she said in a weak and very shakey voice, "Mom... I th-think... I might... l-l-like a... a..." she put her head down again and more tears fell.  
  
Confusion was the only thing Amber could manage at this point, however, she had a feeling where Tara was going, "A girl?"  
  
Tara jerked her head upward, her jaw just about dropped. Quickly, she shut her mouth tightly and nodded. Her cheeks were reflecting light, that's how wet with tears they were.  
  
To Tara's suprise, sympathy and compasion could be read on Amber's face, not anger or disgust. Amber quickly hugged her daughter again in a tight and loving embrace, "Shh, honey. It's okay," she whispered into Tara's ear, "It's okay. There is nothing wrong with it. Nothing at all." She gently rocked Tara in a soothing motion releasing some of her energy to calm her daughter down while running her hand through Tara's hair.  
  
All Tara could do was just let herself be held and rocked and whispered to. Crying always made her feel weak and sleepy afterwards and now she was feeling just that. She sniffed and looked up to meet Amber's eyes and she whispered, "Th-thanks, Mom."  
  
Amber smiled and nodded to Tara as Tara made her way out of the kitchen, up the stairs and through her room. She fell on her bed, face first, into her pillows. She cursed herself for not having told her mother everything, but felt like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders just because she simply told her mother what she felt. And she was okay with it! Amber told Tara that it was okay, that it was not wrong!  
  
With her head still dug in the pillow, Tara smiled. She was incredibly happy that she told her mother. Yeah, a weight was definitely lifted off her shoulders. However, there were many more blocks that had to be taken up, but they could wait.  
  
From the doorway, Donny was staring at Tara. His mouth was shut tightly and his nostrils were flaring. His arms her crossed over his chest. His breathing was begining to deepen and he finally made his way inside Tara's room. He closed the door and locked it form the inside.  
  
At the noise Tara shot up and turned to see her brother glaring at her. Fear rose inside her, she swallowed the giant lump in her throat, "D-donny, wh-what happened?" Her breaths were sharp and shallow while the terror was rising.  
  
Donny slowly walked in, taking his time, arms still crossed. Without looking up to look at his sister, he said "I heard what you said to Mom." he continued to walk, very slowly, "That you might be a dyke."  
  
Tara froze. Her heart stopped and her blood turned to ice. She felt all the blood drain from her face and her skin grew paler than what it was. All that was screaming in Tara's head was; Oh shit!  
  
He finally looked up at her, still walking toward her, "I really can't believe you, Tara. I really can't." He stopped right in front of her, looking down on her, "You are actually letting that demon take over you. Liking other girls?" he began to grow disgusted, not a good combination with anger, "It's wrong and just completely fucked up!"  
  
The anger was too much and he struck her with the back of his hand across her face so hard she fell to the ground. He made no move, he stared at the corner biting his lip and not blinking. Tara saw his fists were clenching hard, his knuckles were turning white and red. Donny's fist was shaking and then it traveled through his arm and his entire arm began to shake.  
  
Without his head moving, Donny moved his eyes and looked at his sister, she was still on the floor supporting herself with one arm. So many thoughts were running through his head, and as much as he wanted, he decided against telling his father, "You... I..." he huffed and in a heartbeat he grabbed Tara by the neck and squeezed, "You are lucky I'm not going to tell Dad," he pulled her closer and whispered, "But you better not give me shit. Got it?"  
  
She couldn't speak so Tara nodded as her vision began to blur, not because of a lack of oxygen, although that might become a problem if Donny were to squeeze any harder, but of tears. She kept nodding hoping that Donny would let her go.  
  
Donny let her go, he saw her fall almost flat on the floor slightly coughing and breathing in air deeply. He rolled his eyes and sighed. Then he tightly closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Once his eyes were opened, Tara couldn't see anything in them. He started toward the door, then stopped. He didn't turn around, just stared at the door, "It's wrong Tara. It's wrong and evil. Dad won't like it and neither will God. You're going to hell." after that, he walked out of the room and closed the door, leaving Tara on the floor, crying to herself.  
  
February  
  
The month of love. The one month of the year everyone pretends to be happy and supposidly likes everyone else. And it's all so fake, always fake. Valentine's Day, the fakest day of the year.  
  
Tara walked into her school, seeing all these kids, boys and girls, hugging, kissing, giving each other notes, cards, and candy. She never did enjoy this particular holiday, mainly because she knew that the cards she got were not sincere and just like every other meaningless jesture.  
  
"Tara, hey," Adrienne said as she walked up to her friend, hugging her, "Happy Valentine's Day. I got you a little something..." she pulled her arm out from around her back and she held a card out to her with one hand, "It's not much."  
  
Reaching out her arm and grasping the card, Tara looked at it. It was a hand drawn picture of a rainbow and clouds. It was beautifully done and only Adrienne could make it seem so peaceful. Tara smiled at it and looked up at Adrienne, "Thank you."  
  
With a giggle and a roll of her eyes, Adrienne said "Open it."  
  
"Oh," Tara breathed and smiled as she opened the card. There was writing on it, a poem:  
  
_Breaking Through  
  
There's that shell around me,  
I fight it but it won't crack.  
There's that fog around me,  
I bat it but it won't fade.  
  
Voices tell me that I'm wrong,  
I try not to listen.  
Voices tell me to hide myself,  
I jump through the glass.  
  
You're there to help me.  
You're there to carry me.  
You're there to save me.  
You're there to find me.  
  
_Tara bit her lower lip as she closed the the card up. No one had ever given her such a thing that came from the heart, except her mother. What got to Tara even more was that Adrienne had written it herself especially for Tara. She looked up at Adrienne and smiled gently, "Thank you so much. It's b-beautiful." she hugged Adrienne.  
  
When she had release Tara, Adrienne took a step back, "It was nothing," she batted her hand in the air, "Glad you like it though. I kind of, put some thought into it." she smiled.  
  
Tim began to make some wimper noises on purpose. Tara, with a smile on her face, turned to Tim and saw him clutching a bag to his chest. He had a puppy dog look on his face and a small smirk. Tara made a small chuckle, "Tim?"  
  
He held out the bag to Tara with a huge grin on his face, "Open mine! Please open mine!"  
  
A laugh escaped her mouth, "Okay Tim." Tara took the bag and peaked in. She put her hand inside and pulled out the contents. It was a diary. A silver diary with Japanese markings for peace and butterflies all over the cover. It was beautiful, "Oh my... Tim... This is... Lovely." She turned to him and hugged him. When she stepped back she said to him, "Thank you."  
  
Tara took a step back away from Adrienne and Tim and looked at them. She felt so awful, she had nothing for them. Her head hung, "You guys... I'm s-sorry. I-I don't have... Anything for you." she looked up.  
  
Tim laughed, "Oh please. I don't care at all. V-day is just another made up holiday that society made to make us waste our money. I'm telling you, they want us to think we have to spend money. That we need a day to tell someone that we love them. I mean, I don't need a day to say 'I love you' to anyone. If it be my girlfriend or you guys, no special day is nesessary." she closed his lips tightly and nodded his head strongly.  
  
With a nod in agreement Adrienne added, "It's true. There's nothing authentic about it." She smiled almost knowingly at Tara. She tilted her head down and looked up. The corner of her mouth curled up into a half smile, "Only real thing is what comes from the heart."  
  
Tara blinked a few times and smiled. She looked back down and kept the smile on her face, "Yeah," she looked back up.  
  
It had been a while since the fake Valentine's Day, yet Tara still read that poem Adrienne had written her on a daily basis. She could not stop reading it.  
  
After she read the poem about 50 times, Tara pulled out the diary that Tim had given her. She was already making her first entry:  
  
_I've always wanted one of these. Never thought of putting a "Dear Diary" though. To me it seems a bit... Adolescent, I guess? I don't know. I'm still an adolescent myself. Maybe that's why I'm so confused. Why am I confused? I never really liked anyone before. How do I know that... Well that's silly to ask, the answer is obvious. Any idiot knows the difference. But liking a girl? Liking Adrienne? It's got to be the demon in me making me think these things. It has to be. No normal person would would have these thoughts... Would they? Gods, I don't know. I know I preyed to the Goddess for my friends but... Could this be a price? No, why would it be? Well, chores are waiting for me.  
  
_She enjoyed having this diary to write her thoughts in. It was not only a way to remember small details that could soon become forgotten, but it was also fun. The diary became a book she carried with her everywhere. It was like her sketchbook. It was a part of her now, something that could not be taken away.  
  
Once she closed the book she got onto the floor and pulled out one of the shoe boxes. She placed the card with Adrienne's poem and the diary inside it and closed it. Once it was slid back under the bed, Tara went downstairs to get her list of chores to do.  
  
March  
  
"Alright guys here's your project," Ms. Fellman started, Tara and Adrienne's English teacher, "As you know in The Giver, our hero is given the memories of the past. Now your project, and you can have a parter for this, I want you to make a poster, or a video, anything and have your memories put on there. But the reason why you need a partner, if you want, is for the world's events. What events would you think is most important and should be remembered?"  
  
After their English class was over, Tara and Adrienne, walked out of the classroom and made their way outside to the front of the school and were greeted by Tim. They explained their project to him in the most annoyed tone. It was an extremely lame project to do.  
  
"Lord! Today was too long of a day," Tim exclaimed as he stretched out his arms in the air, "What why the hell did you guys get an assignment like that?"  
  
Shrugging her shoulders, Adrienne replied "Who knows. You know that Ms. Fellman is a weirdo. She's cool, but weird. Least I got a partner, if Tara wants to be partners?"  
  
Tara saw the look on Adrienne's face. Althought Tara knew Adrienne was making the puppy dog face on purpose and for the sole purpose of being cute and funny, Tara could not resist, "Of course we can be p-partners." she smiled.  
  
"Great! Now all we got to do is get together and do this cheesy project." Adrienne adjusted her back pack, "What do you want to do? Video, poster, what?"  
  
Tara shrugged her shoulders, "I d-don't really... Mind. It's, um, up to you." she half smiled.  
  
Those half smiles of hers were becoming trademark, both Adrienne and Tim noticed. "Well, I say we should do something big and incredible. A video, almost like a documentary, and have the storyboard and stuff?" she turned to Tara with a huge grin on her face, "What do you think?"  
  
She made a small chuckle and looked down at her feet for a moment then looked up with a small smile on her face, "Sounds fun."  
  
The two girls continued for a short time to talk about their plans for their project as Tim looked on. He never had a single class with them, except band, and that was a joke of a class. Never had they had concerts and never played outside of school so, it was more of a hangout hour. But still, Tim looked on and continued to admire the two people he cared most about in his life.  
  
"Well, I'd better go. My dad, he, uh, w-wants me home by 3:30." Tara hugged them both, "Give me a call wh-when you... Want to get, um, together. For the... Project."  
  
After Adrienne nodded Tara began to walk in the direction of her home. On the way home, thoughts and senarios of Tara asking her father to go over to Adrienne's house for the purpose of a school project were running through her head. How could she do this? Dale had a set rule about going out of the house. Tara was not allowed to, unless it was babysitting, to go out until she was in high school. Why was this a rule, Tara had no clue. It was pretty dumb.  
  
Once she had gotten home, she went to practicing her violin. High school was coming up and she had wanted to make sure she was adaquet enough for the high school band.  
  
About an hour and a half later, Adrienne had called. Dale had answered the phone, "Hello?"  
  
"Hi!" Adrienne said, "May I please speak to Tara?"  
  
Confusion hit Dale, "Tara? Who is this? Why do you want to talk to her?"  
  
"I'm a friend from school. We're doing a project for English together and I just need to, um, run some stuff by her. For our project."  
  
Dale scoffed, "I see. Hand on..." he set the phone down and went up stairs and knocked on Tara's door, "Tara, the phone's for you. No more than 5 minutes, got it? I wanna keep that phone line free." he went back down stairs.  
  
"Yes, sir." Tara herself was hit by confusion, who the hell would call her? She thought. Once she picked up the phone, "H-hello?"  
  
She heard Adrienne's voice, "Tara!"  
  
"Oh, hey Adrienne." Tara remembered Adrienne was going to call her about their assignment.  
  
"So I was thinking for our project... My sister is going to let us use some stuff and John, that's her husband, is going to let us use his video camera. We have to get together this weekend? My house on Saturday?"  
  
Oh damn, Tara thought. The rule, that stupid rule! Maybe Dale would wave it for school. Maybe he might not. What is she going to do? "Um... Yeah. I'll h-have to ask though. I'll tell you, um, tomorrow. Okay?"  
  
"Alright. See you tomorrow."  
  
"Bye." Tara smiled into the phone as she hung it back up. Wow, Adrienne sounded beautifully on the phone, almost as much as she did in person. Tara stood there, looking as the counter for a few seconds then stood up straight and looked in the direction her father was in. Her smiled quickly faded for she was about to ask for something that was nearly impossible.  
  
Making her way through the dinning room and into the living room, Tara stood right next to the chair Dale was sitting in. He noticed her standing there so he looked up at her, "Yes, Tara?"  
  
"Um, Dad? F-for that project... My partner and I... H-have to, um, get to-together to...W-work on it." Tara swollowed, "Can I, uh... Go over to, um, her house this S-saturday?" she clenched her jaw.  
  
He grabbed her hand, but to Tara's suprise, it wasn't hard or rough. It was gently, almost lovingly, "Tara, you know the rules. You can't go over to anyone's house until you're in high school. Right now you're far to vunerable and it's dangerous out there."  
  
She opened her mouth and took a few breaths, she knew she had to choose her next words very carefully, "B-but we need to... W-work on this. It's for s-school." Dale didn't change his facial expression, "Wh-what if... She comes here?" Tara left a ghost of a smile after she had finished her question.  
  
Dale thought about that for a moment. It was obvious that they did have to work on something for school and by denying them to work together, he would be hurting not just Tara's but another girl's grade. He looked back up at Tara, "Alright... But she can only stay from 3 to 7. After that she's got to go home. Understood?"  
  
Tara smiled, "Yes, sir. Thank you."  
  
Dale also smiled, "Good. Now, get back to your homework."  
  
With a smile and a nod, Tara made her way back upstairs into her room. She gently closed the door and fell on her bed. She looked out the window to the sky and smiled again. This was absolutely wonderful. She couldn't go over to Adrienne's but that's okay because Adrienne could come over to her house.  
  
Then it hit her: Tim. Poor guy, he'd be all alone. But Tara could most definitely not have a boy come over. Maybe not ever. Tara's smile began to fade and the feeling of guilt began to sink in.  
  
On Saturday, Adrienne had came over and the girls made a poster, decorated it themselves, no pictures yet for the memories, but that was on the way. They ran through ideas for the video. Right before it was 7, they settled on making the video almost like dream sequences, it had been Tara's idea.  
  
After Adrienne had left, Dale and Amber went up to Tara, "She's very nice. And polite." Dale said.  
  
"She really is. I'm glad you have her as a friend, Tara." Amber added.  
  
Dale nodded in agreement and both he and Amber went into the dinning room. Tara made her way upstairs and walked past her bedroom to get to the bathroom. She had to pass Donny's room first, "Your girlfriend is kinda cute." he said, not moving from his chair.  
  
Tara stoped dead in her tracks, "Wh-what?" she asked turning her head to look into Donny's room.  
  
He smirked, "You heard."  
  
Slowly, Tara went into the bathroom, trying desperately to ignore her brother.  
  
April  
  
The year was almost over. More so, middle school was almost over. Only three more months and onto the next big step of the hell hole of life: High School. However, April was always a beautiful month when Spring really began to bloom. It was always beautiful seeing the green coming to life in the trees and the little flower buds barely begining to wake from their slumber.  
  
And for the first time, Tara enjoyed seeing all these things, not to escape the harsh reality, but to embrace it. After all these years, Tara welcomed life.  
  
She stayed in her bed a few extra minutes laying on her side, hugging her pillow. There was a small grin on Tara's face when she realized what date it was. It was Adrienne's birthday. Her friend turned 14 years old today, closer to adulthood. Tara had been waiting for this day for a while trying to figure out what kind of gift she should give the girl.  
  
Finally Tara rolled out of bed and onto the floor. She smiled and giggled to herself at her sillyness of just rolling off the bed and landing on the floor. Something she hadn't done since she was 4 or 5 years old. She reached under her bed for an empty shoe box and pulled it out. Again she reached under the bed and pulled out another shoe box and opened it. From within, she pulled out the scented candle her mother had given her for her birthday.  
  
Tara loved the candle and the metal container it was held in, mainly the design. Everything about the candle was wonderful and soothing. Especially the scent of it. It was just exhilarating to breathe it in.  
  
A smile creeped on Tara's face, perfect. She covered the candle and placed it in the box. She rose to her feet and looked around her room. A stuffed animal would be cute to give, right? She found a small stuffed dog, something Tara had won in a game at one of the church's carnivals that her family would go to. She liked the dog but decided it would suit as a good gift. Tara looked through her drawer and found a sticker of Betty Boop. Where the hell had Tara gotten a sticker of Betty Boop? She couldn't remember where she had gotten it and frankly didn't care. It was cute so she placed it in the shoebox along with the stuffed dog.  
  
She closed the box and sighed. She had bought nothing but had given Adrienne items that Tara held close to herself. She also added a nice little letter:  
  
_Dear Adrienne,  
  
I hope these little things find you well. I know it's not much but I hope you like them anyway. Especially the candle. It ment the most to me so I'm giving it to you. Take care of it because it's a part of me that you now own.  
  
Love,  
Tara_  
  
There she was at school in the front just staring at the front door. She took a few deep breaths and finally walked into the school. Upon entering the school, she spotted Adrienne nearly surrounded by students she had seen, but never taken the oppurtunity to get to know. Tara definitely knew them, but they were mear lackies, never interested in important issues. Yet for some reason she felt slightly threatened, especially when she saw Nikki give Adrienne some flowers.  
  
"Don't worry Tara," Tim said behind her putting his hand on her shoulder, "We mean more to her. All of them, they're nothing but phonies. I don't even know their real names." Tim smiled warmly at her, "We're not a part of their group, but we mean more to Adrienne than they do because she asked me to ask you to go to her house for her birthday today. Just you and me, not the rest of them."  
  
Tara smiled weakly and sighed, "Wish I could. B-but my dad w-wouldn't let me." She looked down at the floor and frowned, "I would r-really love... to go."  
  
"Maybe Adrienne can talk to him?" Tim offered, "He did say he liked her right?"  
  
Once Adrienne had gotten away form those groupies, she made her way to Tara and Tim, "Hey guys!" she greeted.  
  
Tim was the first to hug her, "Happy birthday, Chica." He smiled at her, "I will give you your gift later today okay?"  
  
"Tim, don't even worry about it."  
  
"Um, Adrienne?" Tara mummbled.  
  
Adrienne turned to Tara with a questioning look in her face.  
  
Tara held out the shoebox to Adrienne, "Um... It's, uh... M-my gift to... You..." she handed the box to Adrienne and saw that she had opened it, "I-its not... Much but... I hope you... Like it." she made a small smile.  
  
"Wow," Adrienne nearly breathed, "Tara... This is lovely. The candle is beautiful, the dog it cute, and the sticker is adorable." She closed the box and hugged Tara warmly, "Thank you." she said in Tara's ear.  
  
"Adrienne, call Tara's folks and put in a good word so she can hang today!" Tim exclaimed.  
  
"Not a bad idea." Adrienne thought about it and she decided she would do it.  
  
And it had worked. But she was only allowed to stay for two hours, which ment she was to be home at 6:30. That was fine, but what wasn't fine was that Tim couldn't be there until 5:30 so Tara would only be able to spend one hour with both of them together.  
  
When Tara had gotten to Adrienne's house, she froze. She was actually there in front of her house. In front of Adrienne's house. Tara wanted someone to pinch her to make sure it wasn't a dream.  
  
Finally, after what seemed like hours, Tara walked up to the door and knocked four times. In the few seconds after, Tara almost wanted to turn around and get away, then the door was being opened.  
  
"Oh hey Tara!" Adrienne greeted as she opened the door. "Come on in."  
  
Adrienne stepped aside and allowed Tara to enter. Upon entering, Tara looked around, "Wow," she whispered. She had never been to anyone's house before, except her aunt and uncle's. It was a completely new expirance for Tara, and she could not believe her father had let her come over. Whatever Adrienne had said, it must've been good.  
  
With the first 30 minutes, Adrienne showed Tara around her house. She showed Tara her sister's computer, her brother in law's bass, and also showed Tara her own bass guitar. Adrienne even let Tara hold and tinker with her bass, Onyx was its name.  
  
After the tour, they settled into Adrienne's room. Tara checked it out, it was very interesting. The walls were black and there were faerie lights hanging on the ceiling. Above the bed, a matress on the floor, there were christmas lights making the form of a penticle. Tara was definitely amazed by that, "Wow... The elements."  
  
Adrienne smiled, "Yup. Told ya, Pagan here."  
  
Tara smiled and looked at Adrienne's cabinet and noticed it was used as an alter as well. She stood, "Wow... That's amazing." From the corner of her eye, Tara could see Adrienne was smiling as she examined the alter. It was a beautiful Pagan design with candles and gems and... The candle she had given her. "Hey, my candle is in the middle." Tara said as she smiled and sat back down in front of Adrienne.  
  
"Well," Adrienne started, "Of course it is. It's the most special." Adrienne smiled again and looked at Tara right in the eyes.  
  
For a moment that seemed like an eternity, the girls continued to look at each other and smile. Tara kept smiling as she looked into Adrienne's eyes. In her eyes, Tara saw pain, sorrow, and love. Whatever Adrienne has in her past, she was not ready to share it yet. Tara felt so much as she stared into Adrienne's eyes. Yes... Tara finally knew, she liked her. Finally Tara can say she has a crush and it makes her feel like she's floating among the clouds. But what really confused Tara was the way Adrienne was looking at her too. Could the feelings there be the same? Slowly, Tara can feel herself leaning forward and Adrienne doing the same. Yet neither of the girls broke eye contact as both were leaning toward each other.  
  
Then there was a knock at the front door and both girls jumped back away from each other, both blushing. Tara looked down at her lap with an almost horrified look on her face as Adrienne got up and took off to her door. She heard Adrienne and Tim greeting each other and walked into Adrienne's room.  
  
"Alright girls!" Tim said aloud, "I got the cake and sodas so lets eat like pigs!"  
  
The girls just smiled and nodded to Tim. It could become awkward for them from here on if they allow it to be.  
  
May  
  
_Tara smiled and looked at Adrienne's cabinet and noticed it was used as an alter as well. She stood, "Wow... That's amazing." From the corner of her eye, Tara could see Adrienne was smiling as she examined the alter. It was a beautiful Pagan design with candles and gems and... The candle she had given her. "Hey, my candle is in the middle." Tara said as she smiled and sat back down in front of Adrienne.  
  
"Well," Adrienne started, "Of course it is. It's the most special." Adrienne smiled again and looked at Tara right in the eyes.  
  
For a moment that seemed like an eternity, the girls continued to look at each other and smile. Tara kept smiling as she looked into Adrienne's eyes. In her eyes, Tara saw pain, sorrow, and love. Whatever Adrienne has in her past, she was not ready to share it yet. Tara felt so much as she stared into Adrienne's eyes. Yes... Tara finally knew, she liked her. Finally Tara can say she has a crush and it makes her feel like she's floating among the clouds. But what really confused Tara was the way Adrienne was looking at her too. Could the feelings there be the same? Slowly, Tara can feel herself leaning forward and Adrienne doing the same. Yet neither of the girls broke eye contact as both were leaning toward each other.  
  
Finally their lips touched and both girls could feel the sparks flowing throughout their bodies. Their lips moving with each other, slowly at first, but soon their pace quickened. Tara could feel Adrienne's tongue enter her mouth and could feel the passion and heat rising...  
  
_The blaring sound of beeps from the alarm clock on the shelf rang in Tara's ears. At first, Tara did nothing to shut it off. She cursed the alarm for going off before her dream had finished then she hit the snooze button before turning it off completely.  
  
She stayed in the bed for an extra few seconds. It was almost as if a burden was lifted off her shoulders. Finally, she admitted to herself her feelings, and possibly her sexuality. That, however, was still in the grey. But at least now she can freely say that she likes a girl and that girl was her friend Adrienne Wilson.  
  
But she knew she had to wake up and get ready for school. It didn't take much time for Tara to finish.  
  
Once she had gotten down stairs, Tara came into the kitchen smiling, especially knowing it was Tim's birthday. Tara had spent the previous night making a sweet treat for him. She knew his favorite cereal was Fruit Loops so she made "Fruit Loop Treats", same as Rice Krispies Treats, but with Fruit Loops.  
  
"You seem cheery." Amber noticed Tara nearly glowing.  
  
Tara smiled shyly and a small blush creeped onto Tara's face, "Yeah."  
  
There was definitely something going on in Tara's head, and Amber could see it. She lifted up an eye brow, "You have a crush don't you?" she teased.  
  
"Mom," Tara said sheepishly. How did Amber always know?  
  
But Amber knew exactly who the crush was on and she could not be happier. Amber smiled again, oh this would certainly embarass Tara beyond words, "It's Adrienne isn't it?" she smiled.  
  
Tara's face turned absolutely red and her jaw fell open. Sounds, noised, and mummbles came out of Tara's mouth but nothing that could be understood.  
  
"Sweetie, it's okay," Amber smiled lovingly, "I told you it's okay."  
  
Facing the front doors of the school was something Tara has grown accustomed to. She held the tupperware full of the fruit loop treats close to her. She smiled inwardly and made her way through the doors. Almost instantly Tara was greeted by her two friends.  
  
With a quick hug from Adrienne and Tim, Tara handed Tim the tupperware, "It's not m-much... But I know... How much you l-like... Fruit Loops so..." she shrugged and smiled.  
  
Again Tim gave Tara a hug and opened the lid and smelled the treat. He smelled marshmellows and fruit loops and it smelled just wonderful and mouth watering. In fact, his mouth had begun to water. He took out a small piece and put it in his mouth and ate it. It tasted almost like heaven to him, "God, Tara..." he muffled, "This is great!"  
  
Tara made a half smile, one that is quickly becoming trademark, "I'm glad you, uh, like them."  
  
The day went by relatively slow, as usual, but when the day finally did end, Tim was more than happy to show his happiness, "Hellz yeah! This day went by way too damn slow!" she jumped onto a tree stump, "4 more years and no more you damn school system!" he shouted out and jumped back down.  
  
"Tara," Adrienne said, "How much sugar was in those fruit loops treats?" she giggled.  
  
All Tara did was just laugh and shook her head.  
  
Once Tim was done with his shouting and jumping, he went up to the girls with a hug grin on his face, "We should see 'The Crow' today."  
  
Adrienne's eye went wide, "Oh yeah, we really should. Not only is the story good, Brandon Lee... So hot..." she sighed.  
  
Although the idea of seeing a movie with her two best friends seem absolutely wonderful, however, Tara knew that was definitely out of the question. She sighed, "I can't. I'm s-sorry."  
  
Tim turned to look at Tara with a look of sympathy on his face, "Your dad?" Tara answered him with a nod, "I know the feeling. My dad used to be a total dick. But my mom finally threw his sorry ass out about two years ago. Easy going since then." He smiled, but not to gloat, just to let Tara knew that he understood.  
  
Adrienne looked at both of her friends and she could feel each of their auoras and can feel their energies. Both had pain, as she herself did. "Hey guys," she spoke, "One day, we're all going to have a long talk." she meakly smiled.  
  
The next day, Tim and Adrienne could not stop talking about "The Crow".  
  
"The music was just kick ass! They had Pantera, The Cure-" Tim said.  
  
"Nine Inch Nails!" Adrienne interupted, "And Tara, he was just drool worthy."  
  
"The make up looked awesome!"  
  
"And the story..." Adrienne closed her eyes for a moment then reopened them, "That poor guy, Eric... He went through so much."  
  
"Wow... You guys are... making me jealous." Tara finally spoke.  
  
"Don't worry, Tara," Tim said looking up from his hands, "When it comes out on video, we'll have a movie night." he smirked.  
  
Tara smiled, "I'd l-like that."  
  
And now it would be something else Tara could look forward to. A nice little movie night with her friends. Wow, now that is something she definitely would never have dreamed would ever happen to her. But she was thankful for it. She would always be thankful for her friends.  
  
June  
  
Three long years of middle school and finally, graduation was just around the corner. Adrienne had tried to dye her hair some warm color shade, but it somehow turned into a bright orange. Tara and Tim poke very little fun at it, but Adrienne didn't care. Tim pointed out, "There won't be any problem locating you in a crowd." he finished with a laugh that both Tara and Adrienne joined in on.  
  
Then finally 8th grade graduation came. All the graduating 8th graders looked forward to this day for the past 3 years. It was 3 long, agonizing years that went by slower than a snail.  
  
For Tara, it was yet another step closer to her "destiny" her father had bestowed upon her.  
  
Both Dale and Amber were running around the house trying to rush to make it to the school so they wouldn't be late. Donny of course couldn't give a rat's ass about anything that had to do with Tara, so he took his sweet time in dressing and everything else he was doing.  
  
Tara was wearing a simple black skirt with a semi fancy/semi casual maroon long sleeved shirt. Her hair was down and looked soft and shined in the sun light. She had on her feet black strapped shoes with a small heel. She looked not only beautiful but also angelic because her honey blonde hair shaped her face and mde her icy blue eyes shine.  
  
Tim wore black slacks, polished black shoes, a black long sleeved shirt and a red tie. His brown hair was spiked up perfectly with gel tht made his hair not only shiny but smell just amazingly good.  
  
Adrienne was the most unique of the three. She had dyed her hair purple, although it was ment to be blue. Her dress was a beautiful black gothic-like dress. It really brought out her eyes and pale, yet beautiful fair skin. She looked like a beautiful gothic faerie from pictures.  
  
The graduation ceremony was long and it was hot. The auditorium had no air conditioning and hardly any ventlation. But once the 8th graders, about to be high schoolers, began to collect their certificates proving they graduated middle school, everything was wonderful. The room filled with proud eyes and smiles and tears.  
  
"Oh God, Tara!" Dale shouted as he saw his daughter come out of the auditorium, he went up to her and hugged her tightly, "I'm so proud of you."  
  
When he let her go, Amber came up to her with tears in her eyes, "Oh sweetie," she hugged her gently, "This is so wonderful," she whispered in Tara's ear, "I knew the Goddess would look after you. She still is." She looked at Tara in the eyes and kissed her forehead.  
  
Donny didn't make a move at first, he just smiled with his hands behind his back.  
  
Adrienne and Tim came up to Tara with huge smiles on their faces. Tim was the first to speak, "Man it's great to be out of that messed-" he took notice of Dale, "Hot and stuffy auditorium. I'm going to miss these past years."  
  
"Me too," Adrienne said sincerely, "It was the most amazing time of my life. It's going to take a lot to top this."  
  
"I'm Tara's father, Dale Maclay." Dale said holding out his hand to Tim.  
  
It took a moment for Tim to actually take Dale's hand, but he was a bit hesitant when he did, "Tim Cunliffe."  
  
Once they took back their hands, Dale said "We'll give you a few minutes. We'll be at the car." He smiled and then moved for the car being followed by Amber and Donny.  
  
"Your dad's... Stern." Tim said with uneasiness.  
  
"Yeah," Adrienne added, "I sense hostility. And a lot of anger. But your brother just down right scares me."  
  
Tara smiled softly, "You know... Families... Make you crazy."  
  
July  
  
It was night time and Tara did what she had always done at the 4th of July. Dale would have a small BBQ with his friends from work and then would watch the fireworks once the night came.  
  
Tara looked back at her year and smiled. Everything was good and very mellow. She hadn't gotten in trouble or even yelled at nearly as much as she had in the previous years. All was going smooth. But then Tara frowned. For every good there was always a balance of bad.  
  
Unfortunately, not everything is sunshine and rainbows, much to everyone's dismay. Tara began to worry about what the fates have instore for her. She had been the happiest she had ever been, but what's going to balance it? What is going to happen that will balance the scales? Tara shuddered to think.  
  
"Who's gunna cut the damn watermelon?!" Donny yelled as he came out of the house with a beer in his hand. Donny wasn't even 21 yet but Dale let him drink. Like father like son, Donny was not a nice drunk.  
  
"Don't yell so loudly." Dale told him, "You want the neighbors to think we're low class idiots? Stop shouting so loudly."  
  
Donny was on his 5th beer and was already feeling the alcohol running through his veins. Where he walked, he would wobble and come close to falling. The fool was a lightweight when it came to drinking, but he thought he could handle much more booze, "I really... Need some more." he said to Tara.  
  
"Um, Donny, I think you've had enough." Tara said with concern.  
  
"I've had enough?" he stared at Tara with glazed eyes, his mouth hung open slightly with the tiniest of drool threatening to come down the corner of his mouth, "I've had... ENOUGH?!"  
  
Tara simply stared at her brother. Her lips trembled, she felt a knot in her throat, a stone in the pit of her stomach. All in all, she was begining to become terrified. She couldn't move or even speak. Nothing but tiny and faint sounds came out of her mouth.  
  
"You just gunna sit there?" he hovered over her.  
  
"Donny!"  
  
He turned and saw that the sound of his name came from his mother. Amber stood tall with her arms crossed over her chest. She stood confidant and strong.  
  
Donny just looked at her for a moment then threw his arms up and back down and staggered off elsewhere.  
  
Amber moved toward the frightened Tara and sat next to her, "Tara? You alright?" She put an arm around Tara's shoulders.  
  
Even though Tara found comfort in her mother's arms, she was still frightened of her brother, "I'm... Fine."  
  
Amber sighed and brought Tara into a tight and loving embrace.  
  
August  
  
"Tara I might need you to stay a little late tonight." Ashley said as she scrambled to get her belongings, "My meeting may run a little late because... Oh, this whole advertising thing is just so complicated. Can you stay a couple hours later? I'll pay you." Ashley smiled.  
  
With a smile and a nod, Tara agreed, "It's really no... problem, Ms. Williamson. I r-really enjoy spending time with, Monica."  
  
Ashley smiled, "Tara, you can call me Ashley. And you, my dear, are a life saver! I can't thank you enough." she walked toward her door and stopped to put on a coat, "She really looks up to you, Tara. You do a great job." with a smile, Ashley left.  
  
"Tara!" a shout came from the living room.  
  
A little startled, Tara quickly made her way to the living and saw young Monica sitting on the couch watching "Might Morphin Power Rangers". Tara smiled as she saw the little girl watch without blinking, "What happened, Mon?"  
  
"The pink ranger is my favorite!" she pointed at the screen when Kimberly, the pink power ranger came on.  
  
Tara's eyes went wide. Wow, that girl, that actress Amy Jo Johnson, well she was just one of the hottest girls Tara ever seen on television. Her character, Kymberly, was a gymnist. Now that'd be something to get into, Tara thought. But her mind wouldn't function completely as long as the brown hair actress was on the screen.  
  
"Watch with me, Tara!" Monica shouted excitedly.  
  
Slowly Tara sat down next to Monica and stared with her jaw almost falling on the floor. She could not take her eyes off the TV screen. It just hooked her and wouldn't let go. The flow of the jumps and kicks and everything that Kymberly did. It was all just so entracing.  
  
By the end of the night, Tara had her first celebrity crush: Amy Jo Johnson. She was a fine looking chick too. Once Ashley came home and paid Tara, she made her way back to her own house.  
  
What a summer. Everything was grand and everything was going good. But still, the feeling of worry of the balance was getting to Tara. She couldn't help but worry. What between Heaven and Earth could take the equal of this bliss of happiness? 


	4. 9th Grade

Author's Note: I feel that the ending for my last chapter was a bit rushed, but I had severe writer's block and alcoholic beverages do NOT help, lol. Anyway, on with the story!  
  
**"Chapters"**  
  
**September: 1994**  
  
The high school was about the same distance from her house as the middle school was, so again, Tara walked to school. It was the first day of high school. Everything was going to be new and different, almost like it would be a whole new begining.  
  
There was a group of stares leading up to the main enterance of the high school with a big bulldog painted on the windows. Tara looked up at the big enterance and looked around the front and noticed many groups of friends huddled together. There were big people and small people and medium sized. There were big groups and little groups and individuals.  
  
Once Tara stepped into the hall, she was amazed. The halls were kind of dark and there were so many bodies moving around and moving about. Then she finally saw someone she knew.  
  
She came at Tara with a look almost of fright, but she knew at she was only playing, "Tara!" she shouted, "Oh my god! It's so weird! We're so tiny!"  
  
Tara smiled and looked at Adrienne and found that she wore something a bit different than her usual attire. Sure Adrienne always wore black, but now there was a different tone. What was the term they used? Tara thought about it for a moment then it hit her: Gothic. Adrienne was no where near the punk goths but was going closer to the traditional gothic look. And she looked just down right beautiful, "Um, yeah."  
  
Within the middle of the crowd, Tim popped out with a half terrified half amused look as he stummbled his way toward the girls.  
  
"Tim!" Adrienne shouted and she reached for him.  
  
"Oh God guys!" Tim said, "I know it's going to freakin' blow here!" he finished off his statment with a grin and both the girls smiled at his remark.  
  
As the day went on, Tara learned that high school was not much different than middle school. Only that the students are bigger, the staff is more bitter, and that it'll take an extra year to get out. The art club was run by a bunch of anime loving, pimply, and sweaty guys and the band was full of kids with sticks up their butts. It was just utterly wonderful! Not... She wasn't even in the Marching Band, but she sure wished she was. Tim and Adrienne were in it, but what could she play? A marching violin? That idea was laughable.  
  
At lunch, the trio met near the gym. For the first 10 minutes of lunch, not one of the three friends spoke a word.  
  
For Adrienne, she was in many honors classes (English, Biology, and Health), and a geometry class. The band director, which all three shared, was and old man that needed to retire. Mr. Immel, the band director, hated the fact she was a good flute and bass player and wasn't in the Orchestra (Strings only) or the Concert Band. She also joined begining dance which her sister was very proud of.  
  
For Tim, everything was boring. He had gotten a D in pre-algebra in 8th grade, so they put him in a two year long algebra course. It was usless because Tim was actually quite smart, he just never applied himself like he should have. He hated Immel, but never said anything because he wanted to become the percussion section leader. But Immel constintly harassed Tim to join the concert band. Tim always said he'd think about it because it interfered with his auto shop class. Immel always came back with "Learning about cars is more important than band?"...  
  
And finally for Tara, everything was new and intimidating. She had an honors English class, regular algebra, regular bio, orchestra, and art. Yet all of them seemed almost minuscule.  
  
The friends looked at each other, almost in defeat. Tim was drinking from a bottle or Mr. Pibb AKA Dr. Pepper, not saying a word suprisingly. Adrienne was chewing on the same bite of her egg salad sandwich for the past few minutes. And finally Tara kept staring at her jello cup. She just didn't feel like eating.  
  
"So... We're all very talkative aren't we?" Tim asked, breaking the awkward silence between all of them.  
  
"Guess we all h-had a... Rough day." Tara offered.  
  
"High school barely came and already I'm sick of it." Adrienne added.  
  
**October**  
  
"The big day is coming up, Tara!" Tim smiled and clapped his hands then rubbed them together as if eyeing a piece of pie.  
  
With a sheepish laugh Tara replied, "It's really... no big deal."  
  
"What do you mean 'no big deal'? It's a huge deal." Adrienne added, "You only turn 14 once in your life. Enjoy it while you can." she finished with a smile.  
  
"Well... All I ever do r-really is just... Stay at home." Tara paused for a beat, "So I'm not... Used to... Big stuff."  
  
A smirk appeared on Tim's face as he turned to face Adrienne. They met each other's eyes and both smirked. Then they both slowly blinked their eyes and nodded their heads.  
  
Tara cocked up an eye brow as she wondered what those two weirdos were doing. As crazy as those two could get, Tara loved them dearly. They were the only people, aside from her mother, that she trusted with her life and would do anything for them.  
  
Adrienne gently placed a hand on Tara's shoulder, "How about this: Tim and I buy two large pizzas, one for your family and one of the three of us, and we rent 'The Crow' and watch it at your house. Sound good?"  
  
"I'd have to... Check with my dad first." Tara meakly said.  
  
When she did, Dale's first instinct was a big "NO". Tara didn't fight him though. She just dropped her head, apologized for having brought the subject up, and made her way up the stairs.  
  
Once she was inside her room, she slowly closed the door, making sure not to let it slam or even make a loud noise. Slowly and dejectedly, Tara walked to her bed then around it. She grabbed onto something she hadn't touched in a while: Her violin. She placed the case on the bed and opened it. All she did for a whole minute was stare at the piece of wood. Finally she grabbed it and picked it up along with her bow. Slowly she played the simple C scale with ease. As she finished the scale, she played an A. Then another A followed by an F sharp.  
  
Not too bad, Tara thought to herself. Quickly Tara grabbed a pencil and some sheet music and made the notes on the bar lines. She added a few more notes to the bar lines before she played them out loud. Once she added a few more, she put her pencil down and picked up her bow and played what she'd written down: A A F# A A (hold to) B A F# (A/N: It's a song... Here's a hint "I lived my life in shadow..."... Remember it? Lol.) It sounded nice, almost lovely.  
  
Then there was a knock at her door. It startled Tara enough that she almost dropped her violin. Her door opened and Dale stepped through. Suprisingly he didn't have his terrifying angry face.  
  
He walked in further and looked at his daughter with an unreadable face. He walked futher in and sat on Tara's desk chair. He inhaled deeply then exhaled and leaned forward, "Tara, I was doing some thinking," he stared, "I think, you should have your friends come over for a while. But only for three hours. Maybe this Saturday from 3-6?"  
  
Tara smiled widely, "Thank you, sir." she went and hugged her father.  
  
Outside her door, Donny was listening. He began to fume. He hated his sister with a passion. He didn't give a rat's ass about her in the least, and that was obvious. Infact, the only woman he could stand at all was his mother. And then it was only because she was his mother and she does care for him. And for some reason, as he was growing up, everytime he was upset or hurt Amber would always make him feel better.  
  
When Dale walked out of Tara's room and closed her door, Donny was in front of his own room with his arms crossed over his shoulders. He stared at his father with his nostrils flaring.  
  
"Donny, calm down." Dale said nonchalantly.  
  
"Dad, you know what she is," he whispered harshly, "We shouldn't let her be out and about with innocent people. She could... She... She might hurt them." he said trying to make a serious face.  
  
"Son, listen to me," Dale said as he put an arm around Donny's shoulder, "I know it seems like I'm giving her all this freedom. But you see, she's going to be locked up once she's 20. I'd really hate to have her live in ignorance of the world after that. Do you understand?"  
  
Donny nodded his head. He understood but what he didn't understand was why did Dale care so much if Tara lived in ignorance? Something Donny would never understand.  
  
When Saturday finally came, Tara was happy. Amber was happy for Tara. Even Dale was somewhat excited.  
  
The three friends were in the living room, being left alone by Dale, Amber, and suprisingly enough, Donny. The girls sat comfortably on the sofa and Tim layed on the floor. They split the pizza between the three of them and were just entranced with "The Crow"... It was an amazing movie. But it ended very quickly for the friends.  
  
Once the movie officially ended, Tim rolled onto his back, "Man I can't wait 'til 'Mortal Kombat' comes out. That movie is gunna rock! And Mortal Kombat 3 the game is coming too! Well next year I mean. Guys!" he sat up, "We gatta go watch it for my birthday! Please, we just have to!"  
  
Adrienne patted Tim on the head, "Don't worry. We know how much you love anything that has to do with Mortal Kombat. We'll go, don't worry." she smiled, "I promise."  
  
Finally Tara felt contentment. Something she feared didn't exist. She fell into a daze but was taken out of it almost as quickly as she fell into it. She heared her father and brother talking to her mother. They both needed to leave to the propane shop. Something happened with one of the tanks, but Tara didn't much care. She was finally content, and in her own home! It was the first time... But hopefully not the last.  
  
**November**  
  
So far, everything was good and easy. Tara practiced her violin and her piano more and more. She continued her drawing and painting, which was becoming more surreal and even abstract. And she was enjoying every moment of her life, finally. Finally and for once, Tara Maclay was enjoying her life. All those years of repression and of living in fear have finally got their balance.  
  
Dale and Donny had to go in at the propane dealership early so Amber and Tara had some free time before getting down to cleaning the house and all of that fun stuff. It wasn't all the time that both men were out of the house and the women were left to rest and relax.  
  
Both women were in the basement doing a lesson in the mystic arts of magick. Only this time, it wasn't just Amber and Tara, but Adrienne was with them too.  
  
The women sat in a circle facing each other with their legs crossed. All had their eyes closed and were concentrating on their breathing. It was a meditation excercise to build concentration and focus. They all sat and focused on their breathing for about 10 minutes, and it was quite intense.  
  
"Alright girls, open your eyes and take in the images you see." Amber said as she exhaled and slowly opened her eyes.  
  
Tara and Adrienne both exhaled as well and slowly opened their eyes. To both of them, everything seemed like it had color missing, but they knew it was because they had their eyes closed and hadn't moved a muscle for so long.  
  
They both stole glances from each other and blushes were faintly seen on both of their faces. Though it was obvious to Amber what was going on, she didn't want to embarrass either girl about it. It was a difficult time for a young teenage girl, for both of them. At these times, it would be confusing and nerve racking to think about sexuality and what not. But Amber knew both girls were strong and could manage with or without help. She could sense it.  
  
"Now Tara, I know we're working on the light. How is that coming?" Amber asked her daughter.  
  
Tara looked at her mother, "It's um... I'm getting b-better. Still working... On it." she smiled.  
  
Amber smiled, "That's good." she turned to Adrienne, "What about you? How much experiance do you have?"  
  
Adrienne became embarrassed. She was Pagan, but she never tried anything having to do with witch craft. She was religious and loyal to Paganism, but she had never believed that magick and witches were actually real. "Oh um... I never... I'm not... Wiccan. I'm Pagan and I never dealed with... Magick and stuff."  
  
"But you have the potential. Paganism and Wicca are very similer. Sometimes it's almost hard to tell what the differences are (A/N: It is! I don't know the differences myself so if anyone knows, please feel free to tell!)." Amber smiled, "I can sense some power in you. I'll start you off with something simple, a small telekinetic type of excercise," Amber stood and walking over near the washing machine and grabbed a pencil and held it up, "Make this pencil float."  
  
"Whoa!" Adrienne started waving her arms in front of herself, "Telekinesis is a no for me. I can't do that."  
  
Tara gently touched Adrienne's arm, "Yeah you can. All you have to do is just focus on it," she glanced at the pencil that was now on the floor, "Feel it. Then make it float." she smiled.  
  
Staring into Tara's eyes and seeing the faith in them, Adrienne tightened her lips and nodded her head. If Tara had some faith in her, the least she could do is try. She turned and faced the pencil and stared at it.  
  
A laugh was heard coming from Amber, "Oh my... Adrienne, sweetie, you're trying too hard. You're going to strain yourself," she walked toward the girls and kneeled behind them and put a hand on both of their shoulders and leaned in and whispered into Adrienne's ear, "Just relax and feel the essence of the pencil. Remember, everything has an essence. You must feel its essence."  
  
Adrienne looked again at the pencil. This time, she concentrated on finding the essence of the pencil and not just the surface. She felt a connection. She felt the essence. Slowly the pencil began to wobble. It rised about half a centimeter then fell back onto the ground and stayed still.  
  
A grin came over Amber's face and she glanced at Tara, who was smiling, then to Adrienne who stared at the pencil in disbelief. Her jaw was hanging from her mouth yet nothing came from it. "You did it." Amber said simply.  
  
"Oh my god. I... I can't believe it. I made it move." Adrienne still couldn't believe it. Magick was real. Witches were real. This opened a whole new door on her perspective of the world. And it was thanks to Tara. Wait, Adrienne thought, this must mean Tara's a witch too. She turned to Tara, "You're a... A witch? Both of you?"  
  
Tara smiled with Amber smiling right behind her. Slowly, both mother and daughter nodded at the young girl.  
  
**December**  
  
The town was covered in a small blanket of white snow. Everyone was filled with cheer and bliss of "the season of giving" as it was more commonly known as. The mall and stores were full of people trying to buy gifts and all the little knick knacks they may want for the upcoming season and year. This time, for Tara, it seemed so much brighter.  
  
Houses had colorful lights on them, strangers singing their hearts out, and everyone just seemed a lot more cheerful. It was crazy how everything seemed brighter, livelier, and just all around better.  
  
Not only was this Christmas time or Winter Solstice but also, it meant extra magick practicing because Dale and Donny would be working overtime at the propane shop. Cold weather means more propane needs which mean Dale and Donny work more than the rest of the year. Tara swears that one day there will be a show with a conservative man being in love with propane...  
  
Neither Amber or Tara minded though. They always loved it when the men were out of their hair in some way that way they could both relax and not be stiff. They usually spent those days relaxing in the living room or practicing magick techniques and spells.  
  
They both sat in the basement, legs crossed, eyes closed, and in perfect rhythm in their breathing. They were meditating to strengthen their focus, their concentration. Or in reality, Amber was helping Tara in concentration. She could never stress to Tara that magick was not a right, it was a privilege and gift bestowed upon her. That she must always respect it.  
  
Amber opened an eye to look at her daughter. Tara was still and meditating, and Amber smiled. She was so proud of her daughter. She knew Tara was one of a kind and that she would be something in the future. Something good and wonderful. One day she'll stand on her feet tall and strong and Amber couldn't wait for that day.  
  
"Okay sweetie, open your eyes." Amber said.  
  
Once Tara opened her eyes, she had to rub them and let them slowly adjust to the light. It took a few minutes but her eyes finally adjusted to the light and she could see fine. She looked toward her mother for instructions.  
  
Tara always loved to practice magick and techniques and meditations with Amber. It just felt exhilarating when Tara would do this. It was almost like a high, but Amber made sure that Tara would never get addicted. She knew that her mother became addicted once and nearly became consumed. Because of this, Tara was extra careful when it came to magick. She knew what could happen when it was used wrongly.  
  
Picking up a pencil from the table, Amber held it up and looked at Tara. She made a small and knowing smiled then let go of the pencil. It went fast to the ground but it didn't hit it. It levitated and floated back up to Amber's hand. She stared at the pencil for a moment and then grabbed it and smiled at her daughter, "You've improved a lot. I'm proud." She put the pencil back on the table, "Now, the light."  
  
Tara closed her eyes and began to breath. She silently said a few words and a small ball of light began to form. It was tiny and faint, but was stronger than before. Amber could tell that Tara had been practicing her concentration and she inwardly smiled before it dissapeared.  
  
"Sorry," Tara whispered, "I couldn't hold it longer."  
  
"Tara, it's okay. You're improving and that's the important thing." Amber smiled, "Soon, in about six months, you'll be able to do this..." she lifted her right arm and turned her palm face up. She didn't even speak the incantation and a softball sized, maybe even bigger, ball of light appeared and hovered over Amber's palm. It glowed like a beautiful orb.  
  
She smiled proudly at her mother. One day she could do that, one day. If Amber had faith in her then Tara knew it was possible. It just need some time, time and patience and, of course, practice.  
  
**January**_  
  
I really should write in here more often but, oh well. I'm lucky if I get a break between school, babysitting, piano and violin practice, and magick practice... I'm complaining again. I really need to stop. I also need to stop crushing on Adrienne so much. She is going out with that guy, Pat. Was that his name? I don't remember. Ugh, I get so jealous everytime I see them together. Okay, I need to calm down and "release my negative vibes" so to speak. But still... She spends so much time with him and they've been together for, like, 2 weeks. Okay, I need to calm down. It's not like I don't have Tim around me so I'm not lonely. It's just this crush! She's never going to like me like that so why should I stay stuck on a crush going nowhere? And why am I always worried? This sixth sense is driving me insane. I hate knowing something bad is going to happen and I can't stop it because I don't know what it is. It's really getting annoying...  
  
_The new year had come and all was calm. There were no disasters, natural or otherwise. But there was something in the air. An eiree calm feeling. Almost like the eye of a hurricane. But what could it be? Tara knew that something was bound to happen. Something big and something she probably couldn't control.  
  
At school, Tara made sure to keep her eyes and ears, inner and outter, opened for anything. She walked down the pale halls watching for any sign. Something to tell her she was either right or wrong. She hoped to all the Powers That Be, to all of the Endless the was wrong.  
  
Walking down the halls, Tara spotted Adrienne walking up to her with her head down. Tara began to worry, why was Adrienne sad? What happened?  
  
Finally they reached each other, both stopped in front of each other, "Adrienne? What's wrong?"  
  
Adrienne lifted her head, she wasn't crying and hadn't been. She just looked really sad, "You know Pat?"  
  
Tara thought for a moment, "That... Guy you've been seeing? Kind of... Seeing?"  
  
She nodded then said, "Yeah... Not anymore." then she shrugged.  
  
Tara blinked. Did Adrienne just shrug? Apparently so. Tara couldn't believe it. Adrienne was so into the guy and she just shrugged him off like nothing. "Oh?"  
  
"Yeah..." Adrienne began to walk down the stairs to her lockerm "He was being a real asshole."  
  
The thought of anyone being as asshole to Adrienne was just too much for Tara. In mid thought, Tim came from behind Tara and placed an arm around her, "Who was being an asshole?"  
  
Looking from her locker to Tim, Adrienne said, almost dejectedly, "Pat. He was beginning to get controling and not very friendly."  
  
Tim Straightened up, "What?"  
  
Both Tara and Adrienne could tell that Tim was getting angry. Tara never knew why Tim was so sensitive toward the treatment of women. Sure he make an obscene joke or a remark every now and then, but she couldn't help but adore him for being so sweet to the female race.  
  
"Tim, calm down." Adrienne said.  
  
"Did he hurt you?" Tim waited and continued when she didn't answer, "What did he do to you?"  
  
Why hadn't Adrienne said anything before? If Pat was abusive, in any way, why didn't Adrienne say anything? Why hadn't she said anything to Tara?  
  
Adrienne put a hand on Tim's shoulder, "Please calm down. He didn't hurt me. He just yelled a lot."  
  
"So he thought he was above you, huh?"  
  
Adrienne sighed, Tim was being difficult, "Does it matter what he thought? It's over between him and I. He didn't deserve me."  
  
Inwardly, Tara smiled. She loved that Adrienne had confidence in herself. Just one of the many things she loved. Woah! Did Tara just think love? No way...  
  
"I think I'm going to have a talk with him." and Tim left before either girl could stop him.  
  
Adrienne turned to Tara with a sorrowful face, "I hope he doesn't do anything that will get him in trouble." Tara nodded in agreement.  
  
He walked down the halls looking for Pat. Tim mummbled to himself, "Son of a bitch." once he spotted him at his locker.  
  
Casually, Tim walked up to Pat and nudged him, "Hey man. What's up?"  
  
Pat just glanced at Tim and nodded.  
  
"So... How are things with you and Adrienne?"  
  
"What the fuck fo you care?" Pat said without even looking up.  
  
"Oh I care." Tim stated. Pat seemed to think he can talk as much shit as he wanted just because he was a junior.  
  
Pat turned and looked at Tim in the eyes, "Are you her fucking body guard or something?"  
  
With a smirk Tim responded, "Maybe." The way he said it, it was plain and simple, yet, showed that Pat is going to regret mistreating Adrienne.  
  
Anger was rising in Pat, "Don't worry. I didn't sleep with her. Bitch wouldn't give it up." he finished with a grin knowing that would piss Tim off royally.  
  
And boy it did. Tim saw red and everything went blurry. Without even thinking, Tim grabbed Pat's shirt and swung him into the row of lockers. Although suprised bu the sudden action of this, Pat expected it and wanted it to happen. He saw Tim was ready to punch him so he dodged and Tim's fist made contact with the locker instead.  
  
That hurt, badly. Tim immediatly let go and groaned in pain. Pat took that oppertunity and tackled Tim into the opposite wall of lockers. Punches were thrown and bodies were being pushed into lockers and trash cans.  
  
A crowd began to gather as the boys continued to fight. Both Tara and Adrienne noticed and both knew that it involved Tim. They glanced at each other and rushed to the crowd.  
  
Sure enough, it was Tim rolling around on the ground with, "Pat!?" Adrienne exclaimed.  
  
"Break it up!" Two security guards came and broke the boys up. Then the principal came.  
  
The principal was definitely not happy, "Mr. Cunliffe, I am suprised at you... Mr. Pat Nelson, I am not the least bit suprised." Both boys were being taken to the office and Tim caught a glance from Tara and Adrienne.  
  
"Timothy, you're suspended for the rest of the month. Patrick Nelson... You're exspelled." Principal De Roos said.  
  
"What!?" Pat exclaimed, "I didn't even start it!"  
  
"But you didn't stop it. And this isn't your first fight. You're out of here Nelson."  
  
Pat stood and turned to Tim, "You better watch out, Cunliffe."  
  
**February  
  
**It was mind numbingly dull without Tim the past two weeks. Sure Tara was glad she was with Adrienne still, but Adrienne was just down because she felt responsible for Tim. But Tara knew that it wasn't her fault. Every person was responsible for their own actions, yet, Tara understood why Adrienne felt the way she did. Tara herself often felt responsible for events she couldn't control.  
  
It was Tim's first day back at school and both Tara and Adrienne waited impatiently. They looked around the campus before finally spotting him walking through the hall.  
  
Both girls rushed to him and embraced him in a group hug. Adrienne was the first to speak, "Tim, we've missed you so much!"  
  
"Yeah... It's been really boring... without you." Tara added with a smile.  
  
"Awwwww guys!" Tim began to fake tear up, "You love me! You really love me!" he hugged both girls again.  
  
Adrienne soon calmed and looked at Tim seriously and sincerely, "Tim... I'm sorry I got you in trouble. It was my fault."  
  
"Oh, no!" Time exclaimed, "I was the one who went up to Pat. I was the one who started it. Not you, me. I did it all." he finished with a caring smile.  
  
Tara looked on at the scene before her. She wanted to cry herself. It was just such a beautiful scene. A scene of a loving friendship whose bond can not be undone. Tara wanted to cry at how beautiful it was but also because she truely believed that no matter how much her friends loved her, she knew she could never have a bound the way they had. Tara wanted that, but because of what she is, she knows it can never happen.  
  
By the end of the day, the eiree feeling haunted Tara again. What could it mean this time? She walked out with Adrienne and Tim, not speaking as she normally did. She loved to listen to her friends, she seldom talked for fear of saying something wrong. What Tara didn't know was that both Adrienne and Tim cared for her deeply and wished she'd be more social with them.  
  
The three friends walked together almost in complete silence. They felt almost happy though. What they didn't realize was Pat and his posse were watching them and waiting for the perfect moment to strike.  
  
"My exit," Tara stated. She smiled at her friends and turned on her street heading for her house.  
  
Adrienne and Tim continued to walk in silence. After a few moments Pat stepped out from behind a bush, "Well, well. The bitch and the dead man." he crossed his arms.  
  
Tim clenched on his drum sticks, he was getting angry, "Hey, listen asshole... Just step aside."  
  
"Or else what?" one of Pat's buddies stepped out. Then two more came out.  
  
Adrienne and Tim began to get nervous. Neither have ever been in this possition before. They had absolutely no idea what to do.  
  
"Pat, please, just leave us alone." Adrienne pleaded.  
  
All he did was laugh and then went up to Adrienne and grabbed her by the arms, "It's time for some fun, babe."  
  
Tara was almost at her house when the feeling struck her like a mack truck. They were in trouble and she knew it. Without thinking, Tara broke into a run back in the direction she had been coming from.  
  
Tim lungged at Pat, but met a fist in the stomach, knocking the air out of him. Pat's buddies began to bash Tim, punching and kicking while he was on the ground. Pat then pushed Adrienne to the ground and made his way to Tim, pulling out a switch blade, "You are one stupid fucker." he said before grabbing Tim's collar, bringing him to his feet then sticking the blade into his stomach.  
  
"No!!!" Adrienne shouted while Pat's buddies laughed. They split into two groups. One went for Adrienne and the other went for Tim. The group that headed for Tim wasted no time in bashing him.  
  
Just then, Tara came around the corner and saw the sight before her. No, she thought. "No!" she yelled and broke into a sprint. They were a good block apart but she ran as fast as her legs could take her.  
  
Without thinking, Tara reached out her arm and hand and yelled, "Dislavo!" A blue light shot out from her palm and hit Pat and the rest of his friends sending them all flying backwards.  
  
She finally reached them and saw that Tim was bleeding. Adrienne was terrified. "Oh god." Tara whispered.  
  
Pat slowly got up and saw Tara, "What the fuck? It's the mouse?" he got to his feet.  
  
Tara looked up, not caring about hiding her powers, "Hold mine victims," an invisble barrier formed, holding Pat and his friends at bay. They were stuck.  
  
Tim groaned in pain. He was in bad shape. Tara put a hand on his head and his wound, "Goddess of healing, please take his pain."  
  
Slowly Tim's pain was going away. He was still bleeding and it still hurt, but the pain wasn't as bad, it was barable. He opened his eyes and saw Tara looking down at him, like a guardian angel.  
  
At that moment the police came. Pat tried to run but the unseen force would not let him move more than a few feet. Shit, he thought, shit shit shit.  
  
When the officers stepped out and walked toward Pat, Tara whispered, "Release," just as they reached them, and they got arrested.  
  
The ambulance was called and took Tim to the hospital. Reports were taken from witnesses and from Adrienne and Tara. The girls made sure to leave out certain details.  
  
Once all of that was done, Tara walked Adrienne to her house, a good half mile away from her own house. She was going to be late and her father wouldn't be happy, but she didn't care.  
  
"Thanks for not... Telling them about me."  
  
"Oh, your secret's safe with me." Adrienne stopped walking and turned to Tara and suddenly threw her arms around the blonde and began to bawl. Tara just held Adrienne and gently rubbed her back as she cried.  
  
Once Tara got home, Dale was waiting, "Where have you been?"  
  
Fear rose in Tara, "I was... I w-walked Adrienne home."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Tara gulped, "She... She was s-sad and didn't w-want to... walk alone."  
  
Dale was silent for an entire minute, 60 seconds. He finally spoke, "Never do something like that again without my permission!" and back handed her. "You are grounded for the rest of the month. Go to your room now!"  
  
She obeyed. School, home, sleep. A routine she remembered and did for the rest of the month.  
  
**March**  
  
Tim had been back for about two and a half weeks and Pat and his crew were in juvenile hall and on their way to prison if they stayed on that path. Adrienne felt awful and she avoided having any deep conversation with Tim. Little did she know that she was hurting him. With all that, Tara was stuck in the middle.  
  
"Why don't you t-talk to him?" Tara asked Adrienne as they sat and waited for the bell to ring so that their Honors English class could begin.  
  
"I fell so bad. It's my fault. I know that if it wasn't for me-"  
  
"That's not true."  
  
"It is..." Adrienne paused. "No one sticks up for me the way he does. When I lived in Alabama, my brother was heavy into drugs. My mom was never home so Andy would take me outside then usually go crazy and think I was an alien or something. He'd shoot me with a BB gun. Never intentionally though." she closed her eyes, "He'd cry when he realized what he did saying 'I thought I was protecting you... I'm an awful brother... I don't deserve a sister like you.' Then, I moved here. I guess Tim is like the brother I never had so I feel responsible for what happened."  
  
That was something Tara didn't know about Adrienne, about her past. It saddened Tara to hear that in a way, Adrienne was abused, much like Tara herself. But right now, Tara wanted to comfort her, "People choose their own actions... He chose to confront Pat. Wh-what happened wasn't your fault. We all play our parts and... choose our own paths."  
  
It made sense and did make Adrienne feel better.  
  
At lunch, Adrienne went to the art room to work on a project, so Tim and Tara sat alone together in their corner of the bleachers.  
  
"I'm glad that son of a bitch is in juvi. Maybe he'll get a taste of his own medicine." Tim stated. He shifted his possition and groaned, gently touching his stomach. He was still sore and in pain.  
  
"Why'd you do it?" Tara asked.  
  
He looked at Tara and knew what she was talking about. No use in hiding it any more, "Guys shouldn't treat girls like that." He noticed Tara arch her eye brow. He continued, "My dad was an asshole. He would always hit my mom. It made me angry thinking 'This is my father. He's not suppose to hurt my mom. He's suppose to love her. Love us.' I swore I'd never be like that. Never."  
  
Small tears sweeled in Tim's eyes. Tara made a sympathetic face and moved to hug him. Her arms were around his neck. He continued to fight the tears as he buried his head in Tara shoulder. After a few minutes, Tara shifted so that one arm was around him, both bodies faced the same direction, and she held one of his hands in her own as his head leaned on her shoulder.  
  
What if... What a thought! Tim closed his eyes and smelled her hair, which was down and slightly blowing in the gently breeze. The first thing that came to mind was flowers. Her hair smelled like some kind of flower.  
  
A lot was revealed to Tara that day. She was almost over whelmed by what Adrienne and Tim told her. She had so much in common with them. They understood each other more than they thought, or Tara understood more. Adrienne and Tim still had no idea about Tara's history or her background.  
  
**April**  
  
The three friends sat at their spot on the bleachers in the far right corner, which over looked the field.  
  
"I'm... going to get some water. I'll be back." Tara said as she got up and walked down the stairs. On the way to the nearest vending mechine, Tara accidentally bumped into another girl. A punkish girl with light brown/red hair with bright red streaks, "S-sorry." Tara stammered.  
  
The girl looked at Tara and Tara looked back. This girl is kind of cute, Tara thought.  
  
"No problem." the girl said and walked away.  
  
After a few days, Tara and Tim began to discuss about Adrienne's birthday. The girl was going to be 15, a good age to live life.  
  
"Alright, I talked to Andrea, Adrienne's sister, and she's totally down for it. I know a couple of her friends, some other cool people. You know anyone?" Tim asked as he took a swig from his Dr. Pepper.  
  
"Umm," Tara thought for a moment but no one came to mind. "N-no..." she looked down at her lap.  
  
"THat's okay. Less phonies." Tim smiled and chuckled. He pulled out a notebook and a pencil, "Let's see... We've got Rickie, Jenn, Jason, Ellie, Sean, he's my buddy and is probably the only other straight guy, other than me, who'll be there..."  
  
Tara was overwhelmed. Who were these people? Would she fit in? So many doubt and insecurities were flying all through her head. This was going to be hell indeed and because how anti-social Tara was, she was sure she wouldn't have a good time.  
  
When the day came, sure enough, Tara was alone in the corner. She looked at everyone and what they were wearing. Jaime, whom she met briefly, was wearing smug navy blue dickies, long sleeved brown turtle necy, and a vest that matched him perfectly. Then she spotted Jenn, who was wearing ripped jeans, a black tank top, and a black leather jacket. She was dancing with her biker boyfriend. Looking more, Tara saw Jason, who looked like he was Eric Draven straight out of "The Crow." Black leather pants, black long sleeved polyester shirt, long leather jacket, long hair down, black eye liner, and black boots. Soon she found Tim, sporting his head banger enesmeble, baggyish pants, black t-shirt with the band name "Panterra" on it. He was talking to another guy, Sean, she assumed, who was busting out a "gangsta" look. Baggy jeans, white tank top, grey sweat jacket, complete with a black beanie.  
  
Finally Tara spotted Adrienne and froze. Adrienne looked absolutely radient and breath taking. Tara looked at her; she was wearing a black and baby blue medieval dress. Her face was sweet and pale, her hair was dyed a dark purple/blue, her eyes were perfectly outlined with the eye liner. Everything was perfect on her. She truly was a gothic beauty.  
  
Then Tara looked down at herself. She wore a green/brown faded jean, long, skirt, long sleeved burgandy top, a celtic/wiccan pendant her mother gave her, and finally, her honey blonde hair was straight down. She felt so out of place. She felt like a complete dork and she chastised herself for coming to Adrienne's birthday party.  
  
"Hey, haven't I seen you before?"  
  
Tara looked up and saw that punk girl she had bumped into earlier that day, "Um," she started, "We, uh, b-bumped... Earlier."  
  
"That's right," the girl smiled, "Mind of I have a seat?"  
  
Tara motioned to the seat and the girl sat. She looked at the girl, she had firey brown/red hair, which was teased and pushed back by a black head band. She wore a long sleeved black shirt with a white design. A necklace with small spikes hung around her neck loosely. She also had an knee length black and red laced skirt, arm warmers, and finally, knee high black boots. Tara also saw her eyes, a unique shade of grey.  
  
"My name is Ellie. Ellie Nash."  
  
"Tara Maclay."  
  
Tara and Ellie continued to talk amongst themselves for about an hour. Tara learned that Ellie was on the track team, played the bass clarinet in band, and was in the tech crew for the drama team, she was very into art, but not in the club, was involved in an underground student newspaper, and finally, she was Canadian.  
  
"Hey! You guys met!" Adrienne exclaimed, "Ellie is the only other cool person in band! Other than Tim and I that is." Adrienne was glowing and Tara was happy that Adrienne was enjoying herself so much.  
  
"Riiiight." Ellie replied in a stoic-like manner.  
  
"Well I'm glad you guys are having fun!" Adrienne finished and returned to the party, leaving in a smooth, cloak-like motion.  
  
The party wasn't all bad. Tara, to her suprise, had a good time, only because Ellie had talked to her. It was an interesting time.  
  
**May**  
  
"Goddess, bring life, let live..." Tara said in a low voice, her fingers were touching the soil in a pot of a dying plant. Her hand and the soil began to glow a color of the sun. Slowly the plant began to turn green and straighten. It was alive again and its color was a lively and healthy green. Tara smiled and looked to her mother for approval.  
  
Amber put a hand on Tara's shoulder and smiled proudly at her daughter, "Tara, you did a great job. I'm very proud of you. You're going to be an amazing witch." She gave Tara a final squeeze then removed her hand a took a few steps back, "Now... The light."  
  
With a smile, Tara turned back around and preformed the spell. The blue light, which looked like a faerie almost, appeared and moved around the room. It stayed strong and bright. When it finally died, it was because Tara willed it away. She was definitely getting more powerful.  
  
At school, Tara, Adrienne, and Tim all sat in their corner on the bleachers, all eating their lunches.  
  
"Alright girls, I know it's a little early but, for my birthday I really want to watch 'Mortal Kombat'! Please!?" Tim bugged.  
  
Adrienne rolled her eyes with a smile, "Hey dorkass, relax. We're going. Wouldn't miss it for anything." She smiled and gently mudged Tara. Tara was a bit startled, then smiled, "Um, yeah."  
  
They all laughed and enjoyed the rest of their lunch.  
  
Soon the day came and the three friends enjoyed their night out. During the movie, Tim was in utter amazment. In his eyes, the movie was awesome. Seeing Scorpion, his favorite character, use his trademark move, Tim was just estatic.  
  
Tara herself was getting into the movie. Seeing all th fights was just a bit overwhelming, still, it was hard to turn her eyes from Sonya and Kitana. Both were beautiful and utterly hott.  
  
Discreetly, Tara turned to peek a glance at Adrienne, who was glued to the screen. Tara smiled at Adrienne's amusment. She must like the special effects, Tara thought. She looked closer and noticed Adrienne's eyes were beaming with delight. Yup, definitely loving the special effects.  
  
Once the movie was done, the three friends walked out in delight. Tara got to go to a big movie theater with her friends, Adrienne saw amazing special effects, and Tim got to see his favorite video game as a movie. This night was amazing!  
  
"Ready for your present, Turbo?" Adrienne asked with Tara smiling right behind her.  
  
"Oh, you guys didn't have to do that." Tim blushed.  
  
"Well, we still did."  
  
As Adrienne began to dig into her bag, Tara turned to Tim and said "W-we know how much you like... 'Mortal Kombat' so..."  
  
"So we got you this..." Adrienne handed Tim a rectangular shaped box that was wrapped.  
  
Tim took it and held it. He was scared and excited. He knew what it was but couldn't believe it. Slowly he ripped open the paper, and there it was smiling at him. He began to shake. He was holding the brand new Mortal Kombat 3 video game and he couldn't believe it. "Oh... Holy shit." Finally he began to breathe, "How...?" he looked up at them.  
  
"We both pitched in." Adrienne said.  
  
"Yeah, we had to, um... Pre-order." Tara added.  
  
Tim was speechless. He had no clue what to say. The two people he loved most in the entire world took him to see the movie he'd been waiting to see for a long time and got him the new addition to his favorite video game series. He jumped up and hugged the girls tightly, then sat back, "Wow... Thank you guys."  
  
"No problem." they said in unison.  
  
**June**  
  
"We definitely could use a mallets player in the Marching Band." Mr. Immel, the band director at Colorado Springs High School, said to Tara.  
  
"Um..." Tara was hesitant. She wasn't sure how her father would react to her being in Marching Band. "I'd ha-have to... Check with my, my parents."  
  
"As good as you are at the piano, you'd have no problem with the bells and mallets." He patted her on the shoulder and walked away.  
  
There was something to look forward to, more Immel, Tara thought sarcastically. Knowing him, he's already signed her up for Marching Band without telling her, but at least, Marching Band would give her the PE credits she was lacking.  
  
She picked up her bag and packed up her music, getting ready for the walk home. Adrienne and Tim should be waiting for her outside in about 10 minutes so she didn't rush.  
  
Once everything was packed, Tara picked up her violin case and was ready to walk out... Then she heard a low instrument playing. It seemed like a tragic song. This intrigued Tara, enough that she began to follow it.  
  
Finally Tara reached a practice room in the back of the band room. She peeked in and found Ellie Nash playing her bass clarinet.  
  
After a few moments, Ellie found Tara looking in, luckily she was nearly done with the song and gave it the tragic ending. Ellie stood up, holding onto her bass clarinet and opened the door, "Hey, Tara. What's up?"  
  
"Hey... I just... I heard the playing and I, I w-wanted to see who was, um, playing." Tara studdered.  
  
"Why? Was I that bad?" Ellie laughed.  
  
Tara smiled, she knew Ellie was joking, "It's... It was pretty good."  
  
"Thanks," Ellie smiled. She waited a moment, "So you're going to introduce the marching violin?"  
  
Tara let out a small chuckle, "No... Um, Mr. Immel wants me to, uh, play mallets."  
  
"Hey! That cool! We need the mallets. It's a nice sound. You should. Besides, band need more cool people." Ellie smiled.  
  
Wow, Ellie thought she was cool? No one ever said that except Adrienne and Tim, "Umm... Well I s-still have to, um, talk to my, my dad about it."  
  
"I see, well, I hope he lets you," Ellie smiled, "Well, I got to go. I'll see you around." she disappeared into the instrument locker room.  
  
By the time Tara walked out, Adrienne and Tim had been waiting for her, "What took you so long?" Adrienne asked.  
  
"I was, um," Tara thought for a moment, "Talking to Mr. Immel."  
  
"What did he want?"  
  
"To know if I wanted to play mallets in the marching band."  
  
"Mallets? Like the xylophone?"  
  
Tara nodded.  
  
"Are you?" Tim asked, "'Cause that's part of the percussion and I'm in the percussion section." he smiled.  
  
"I don't know yet." she shruged, "Have to ask my dad."  
  
"Well if Immel wants you, he's signed you up already without you knowing."  
  
It took a few days to finally cough up the courage to ask Dale, but Tara finally got around to it. Now, Tara just had to time it right.  
  
"Mom," Tara spoke out as she helped her mother cook, "I was thinking about... Joining the Marching Band." she looked up at her mother.  
  
Amber look back at her daughter, "What would you play?"  
  
"The, uh, mallets. Xylophone."  
  
"Oh, that'd be interesting." Amber smiled, "Have you asked your father?"  
  
Tara hung her head. It was an obvious no.  
  
"He's in a good mood. Ask him tonight after dinner."  
  
Tara brought her head back up and smiled at her mother. That's exactly what she'd do, they were making his favorite dish, meatloaf and mashed patatoes. He'd be happy once he ate.  
  
When dinner time came, Dale stayed in his good mood. He finished his meal and was onto his desert, peach cobbler. "Mmmmm, Amber, this is the best peach cobbler you've ever made."  
  
She smiled back, "Thank you."  
  
"Yeah Mom, it's really sweet." Donny added.  
  
Both Amber and Tara smiled, then Amber looked at Tara, telling her it was time. Right now would be the best, Tara thought. She took a deep breath, "Dad?"  
  
Dale looked up at his daughter, "Yes, Tara?"  
  
"Um," she began, "I w-was thinking... I'd want... I'd like to, um, join the, uh, Marching Band. May I?" she was terrified.  
  
Donny bursted into laughter, "You?! Oh you got to be kidding me! You're so damn clumsy, you'd mess up the band!" he laughed again.  
  
He's right, Tara thought. What was she thinking? She wanted to cry, but why? She should've known she couldn't do it. She was too much of a klutz.  
  
Despite Donny's chuckles, Dale still thought about it. Suprisingly, he liked the idea. This would definitely teach Tara dicipline and to obey authority, "Donald, quiet. Why couldn't you be more into school like that? You're the man, you should have been one to join something like that."  
  
"Football." he replied.  
  
"You dropped out." That shut Donny up, "Tara, I like that idea. If you do it, you're going to be practicing double time. Understood? No more extra hanging out with your friends. Only on the weekends, but on school days, no. Got it?"  
  
Tara nodded, "Yes, sir." There it was, his permission. She also noticed how lieniant he was being and she couldn't understand why. It was almost like he wanted her to see the world that surounded her.  
  
That's exactly the feeling she was getting. What could it mean?  
  
**July**  
  
"Tara!" the little Monica Williamson yelled at the top of her lungs.  
  
Because Tara was only in the kitchen while Monica was in the living room, the yelling was unnessessary. But try telling that to a 6 year old.  
  
Tara came in almost running, "What happened?"  
  
"Watch with me!" she pointed to the television set. Sure enough, the Power Rangers were on.  
  
Even though she wanted to, more for being with Monica than actually watching it, Tara was busy, "Oh, Moni, I can't. Don't you... You want me to finish your chicken and s-stars soup?"  
  
The little girl pouted, "No. I want you to watch with me."  
  
How could anyone resist that face, Tara thought. Monica had the biggest puppy dog eyes and she was sticking out her lower lip. Tara almost wanted to cry it was so cute and adorable. She gave in, "Alright Monica, you win. Let me just clean up."  
  
Monica smiled big and bright, then turned her attention back to the screen. The show was barely starting. Tara hurried to the kitchen and began to clean quickly.  
  
It didn't take her long at all, only about seven minutes. Once she was done, Tara went into the living room and sat down on the couch with Monica next to her. Monica was in amazment of the TV. She got really into it, the screen was a mass of colors jumping all around.  
  
The entire day was spent watching TV and coloring and reading. Around 8:30, Monica was wiped out. "Tara?" she said in a drowsy voice, "I'm sleepy."  
  
"Well then, let's get you to bed." Tara took the girl by the hand and let her to her room. Ashley, Monica's mother, was a single mom so her house was small and only one story.  
  
Tara put the little girl in her pajamas and tucked her in, "Tara?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I'm scared."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"The night monsters."  
  
"The what?" Tara was intrigued, she gently sat on the bed with young girl.  
  
"The night monsters. They have yellow eyes and sharpe teeth and they say they eat blood. They come to my window at night."  
  
Tara could see that Monica was really scared, "Oh sweetie, d-don't worry. I'm here and I w-won't let anything happen to you, I promise." Tara slowly layed beside the young girl and put an arm around her so that the girl would feel safe.  
  
But Tara thought about the "night monsters" that drank blood. Could it be vampires? Tara hadn't seen one herself, but her mother had told her about them and about other demons and werewolves and slayers. She had yet to see any of them, but she knew they exsisted.  
  
The front foor opened and closed gently. Ashley was home. Tara looked at Monica and saw she was asleep. Very slowly Tara got up and walked out of Monica;s room and down the stairs.  
  
"Hello, Tara. Did you have a productive night?" Ashley asked while removing her coat and hanging it up.  
  
"Uh, sure?"  
  
Ashley laughed, "That's good." She began to rumage through her bag, "Okay, for the past two weeks, I owe you... About $150?... Yeah..."  
  
"Really? That much?"  
  
"Everyday for four hours. I think I should give you more."  
  
"No, th-that's fine. I enjoy it." Tara smiled.  
  
Ashley smiled back, "It's getting late. Do you need a ride?"  
  
"No... it's okay. I'll be fine."  
  
The door was closed behind her gently and Tara began to walk down the long block to her house. It was nearing 10PM and it was dark. An uneasy feeling of anxiety washed over Tara and she looked around herself yet saw nothing.  
  
Her legs began to pump faster. Quickly she glanced behind her and saw two figures. They walked behind her at a steady pace.  
  
Finally Tara spotted her house and she broke into a jog and made it across the lawn, onto the porch, and to the door. When she realized it was locked, she reached into her bag to look for her keys. She pulled the out and fiddled with them and glanced back. They stood still in front of the yard, watch her, playing with her.  
  
It took a few moments until she got her key and opened the door. She quickly closed it and locked it then looked out the window and saw they were walking away. Then she heard a growl, one of them growled. They were vampires. Tara had just seen her first vampire.  
  
**August  
  
**"I can't believe they demoted us!" Dale shouted as he walked in through the door, while Donny slamed it shut. "Who in the hell do they think they are?!"  
  
Tara peeked out of her room and saw they were both fuming mad. Panic and fear sank in Tara. She began to shake and she gre terrified.  
  
Gently she closed the door and walked to her desk. She closed her sketch book and put it under her bed pillow and looked back at her painting, it was still wet.  
  
With a sigh fulle of fear, she began to gather the paints and put them in the drawer in her desk. Then she grabbed the brushes she used and dunked them in the cup of water in attempts to clean them.  
  
Finally they were clean enough to put away. The picture still wasn't dry enough so she slid it under her bed.  
  
Just at that moment, Dale burst through the door, smoke coming out of his ears. He glared at Tara, who was frozen on the floor, "What are you doing? he growled.  
  
It took a few seconds but Tara finally answered, "I-I just... I'm cleaning m-my room... Sir." she continued to shake.  
  
He didn't move at all, "Where is your mother?"  
  
She swollowed the hard lump in her throat, "Sh-sh-she w-w-w-"  
  
The studder made him snap. He charged in the room and grabbed Tara by the arms and shook her, "Where is she?!" he yelled in her face.  
  
She couldn't think. Everything was still. Time didn't move. Nothing exsisted except for Tara and Dale, with him holding her by the arms tightly, tightening his grip with every second.  
  
"S-store..." she finally managed to say.  
  
He held her for another second then dropped her. Slowly, in a smooth fashion, Dale turned his back to her and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  
  
Time slowly began to move again and Tara began to breathe. Her heart was still pounding and she could feel it in her throat and in her ears. Tears began to build in her eyes. First time it's happen in a long time.  
  
Author's Note: SOOOOOOO SORRY!!!! I know it's been a long ass time since I've updated but... Man I'm super busy! I was planning on having at least one chapter out every month but... That's a bit out of reach. I will try my hardest to have a chapter out every other month. I have BIG plans for Tara and everyone else who's invloved in her life.  
  
Answers to Reviews:  
  
Blackcat200- I don't really know where that mistake was. I checked but can't find it.  
  
Destiny girl- Thanks!  
  
Omar- I plan on going up until Tara's sophmore year of college! Maybe further (Yet unlikely since that's when her and Willow met).  
  
me2- Tim and Adrienne are gunna play a HUGE part of Tara's life. Adrienne especially but... I think I may change it a bit out of guilt.  
  
Slayergirl1362- Don't worry, I'm gunna continue. Just may take a little longer than planned... I started a new job and it's killing me! Plus college, grr.  
  
Nora Night- Thanks! And I know the crush on an actress who played a Power Ranger is a little weird... But Amy Jo Johnson had it going ON back then, still kinda does. I was younger than Tara but older than Monica when I was into PR and I crushed on both Tommy and Kymberly, lol, so I'm just putting some crazy, real life stuff in there. 


	5. 10th Grade Part 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Also, incase you all didn't get it, lol, Ellie and Sean are from Degrassi: TNG. I don't own them either, just borrowing them. Tim and Adrienne are mine though as they are based on my friends.

Author's Note: I've had this down on paper for a few weeks now, but I can FINALLY put it on the comp! looks Where are the reviews? :-( How sad... Lol, it's okay. I dun need reviews. Goes to a corner and cries HAHA just kidding! Also, I kinda like my writing style, going month by month, lol. But it feels weird, does it read weird? Are you guys reading it okay?

**"Chapters"**

**September: 1995**

Sophmore year finally came. The students seem to change their personas, trying to act older yet not realizing they were still mearly kids. The school didn't change, the halls were still bland, lights were dim, and the roaches walked freely.

Registration took a while but after it was finished, Adrienne and Tim asked Tara to join them in a milkshake, but Tara refused. Dale was still on the prowl and Tara made sure she stayed on his good side. She cleaned the house til it was spotless, never asked to go out with her friends, she basically became a fly on the wall, and school wasn't much different.

The band director, Mr. Immel, had added Tara in marching band without asking her, Tara not being suprised at all. The class started an hour earlier so Tara had be out of the door an hour sooner than she was used to. The walk seemed longer when she was tired, it was a new adjustment, but Tara didn't mind.

Once at school, Tara walked through the doors of the band room and saw band students conversing with each other and completely ignoring her, but she didn't care. At about eight minutes before the bell would ring, Adrienne walked in, Sean and Tim following her. She was wearing a beautiful black laced long skirt with a medieval looking black and burgandy top, her hair was a deep dark violet, and her nails were painted black. A true gothic beauty. Tim was in long loose shorts, a big black "Slayer" t-shirt, and spikey hair. Sean was just in baggy jeans, sleeveless red shirt, and a grey sweat jacket, no beanie suprisingly.

The guys shook hands and Sean touched Adrienne's shoulder before heading out. 'What was that all about?' Tara thought to herself, unknowing to her, the faintest hint of jealousy creeped up on her.

Then a hand placed itself on her shoulder and Tara turned. It was Ellie, wearing black knee high boots, fish nets, black and red skirt, black shirt with a design on it with see through sleeves, and black arm warmers. She had on chains around her neck, a necklace with spikes, and a choker. Finally her hair was in two braids. Her grey eyes were sparkling, "So you're playing mallets huh?"

"Uh," Tara paused, "Yeah. Um, hey."

Ellie chuckled, "Don't be nervous," she smiled brightly, "You're just the only mallet player we have. No pressure." She patted Tara on the shoulder and walked away.

"Tara!"

Quickly she turned around and saw Adrienne smiling at her, "How've you been?"

In Tara's eyes, Adrienne kept getting more and more beautiful. Her green/hazel eyes were so breath taking. Tara cleared her throat, "Um... Al-alright. You?"

"Went to Alabama. Saw my mom and my brother."

"Oh? How are... They?"

Adrienne rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Same as ever. Glad I live with my sister and her hubby John."

"To your spots! Everyone hurry up!" Immel yelled.

All the students scrambled to get to their spots. Tara moved to the back where all the other percussionists were. There was one other girl, she possitioned herself in front of a snaire drum next to Tim, "Tara, stand in front of the xylophone." he whispered. She obeyed.

Music was passed out and everyone attempted to play. Of course it was far from perfect but Immel still yelled, "You are the laziest musicians I have ever taught! You are the worst!"

"Calm down old man before you get a heart attack." the girl at the drum whispered making Tim laugh.

"Good one, Redfield." he responded.

"Claire!" Immel yelled, "Outside! You can join her, Tim." They walked out of the room. "No more distruptions!"

Everyone was silent. No one spoke, "The field show and the parade is less than a week! All you do is mess up on purpose!... Why do you all want to make me look bad?" (A/N: This was really how my band director was, lol, exactly like this.)

Him look bad? Was he serious? Tara closed her eyes and looked down. This was going to be a horrible year, she could feel it.

Later that month, school proved to be exactly like the others. Tara kind of enjoyed her classes however. She had a full course: Chemistry, Geometry, Honors English, World History, Marching Band, Orchestra, and finally Art. For Art, she had a new teacher, cute and young and she seemed eager to teach. Her name was Laurel Hill, blonde, blue eyed, and from Venice Beach California. All good, home however, was a different story...

"Damn bastards! They demoted me. I'm the best salesman they've got!" Dale mummbled to his drunken self from his chair in the living room. He held a bottle of whiskey and stared blankly at the TV.

Tara made sure she was invisible, at least, that's what she was hoping as she walked in the house, heading right for the stairs.

"Tara!" Great, she thought. He saw her. "Get in here."

She obeyed.

"How was school?"

"Fine."

"What do you want in the future?"

She gulped, "To, um, go to... To college."

"Why? What do you want out of that?"

"Learn more."

Dale bursted out in laughter, "Learn more?! What does a demon like you need to learn more for?"

That hit her hard. It was true though. She didn't really need an education, did she?

**October**

Early morning, Tara rose on her birthday. Another year closer to being a demon. Now her birthdays were days of dread, of loathing, and of disgust. Slowly Tara got out of bed and turned her alarm clock off before it rang.

Tara made her way down to the kitchen and found her mother meditating. She smiled proudly, her mother practiced despite what her father would say. It was a part of her... Them. Tara loved it as much as Amber. They were Wiccans and born witches. They loved nature and treated all living things with respect. No way was Dale right.

Amber opened her eyes, "Tara? It's 5AM, you shouldn't be up for another hour."

Scratching her head Tara replied, "I know. Didn't sleep too well."

"Sweetheart, come here." Amber opened her arms and motioned for Tara to sit with her on the floor, and she did, "What's bothering you?"

Tara shook her head, "Nothing."

"Tara..."

"It's my birthday."

"Why is that bad?"

"Because I'm... Closer to... Being 20."

Immediately Amber knew what Tara was talking about, "Tara, you are not evil and you will never be evil or ugly or wrong. Whether or not your father is right, it will not change who you are. I've stayed the same, never changed." She put an arm around Tara, "Dale believes all things mystical are evil. He believes what he wants."

Oddly enough, this made Tara feel better. They both rose from the floor and Tara helped Amber make breakfast.

"Attention!" Becca, the drum major for the band, called out.

The entire band stood straight, tall, and silent. Tim had no problem carrying his snaire drum, and of course Adrienne had no problem carrying her flute. Tara, however, wasn't holding up too well. Who knew the xylophone was so heavy? It was also hard for her to keep in step, count, and play her music all at once.

"Parade rest!" Becca yelled as she blew the whistle, they'd start marching in seconds, then they were off. Tara wobbled and tried her hardest to stay in a straight line.

"No, no, NO!!! ALL WRONG! Why are you ruining it?!" Immel yelled, not at Tara, but at the entire band. "You want to NOT work? Then neither will I!" he walked off the field. (A/N: I know that seems far fetched, but my band director really did walk off the field once, lol)

"Man, he threw a big ass hissy fit." Claire laughed as the class finished.

"I know! I was trying so hard not to laugh." Tim exclaimed. He turned quickly to Adrienne and Tara, "Off to Auto!" he left with Claire at his side.

"Looks like Tim is smittened." Adrienne laughed.

The girls got to their lockers and found Sean Cameron waiting there, "Hey girls!" he smiled and looked at Adrienne, "So, can I walk you to class?... Since it's, you know, right next to mine?"

"Sure." Adrienne replied with the slightest blush. Once she was done gathering her books, she said bye to Tara and walked off.

Tara looked on, pain stabbing her in the chest. She felt like she wanted to cry. Her crush of 3 years was going off with someone else.

"Sucks doesn't it?"

Tara turned and found Ellie at her own locker, only a few away from Tara's, "What?"

"When your friends find other people and ditch you. Sucks."

"Did it happen to you?"

She nodded but said nothing, "Good bed time story." she shrugged and got her books. "Later." then walked away.

Home was nothing special. Dale was getting drunk in his chair, Donny wasn't even home, and Amber was the only one who was with Tara, who really didn't feel like celebrating. She helped her mother clean and cook.

At dinner, Dale and Donny seemed to have forgotten all about Tara's birthday, but she didn't care. After dinner, Tara went straight into her room. There awaited her a box. It was from Amber. She picked it up and opened it; inside was a silver ring with a jade in the center. On the jade, a beautiful Earth sign was carved in it.

Tara nearly cried, this was Amber's favorite ring and the one Tara thought was the most beautiful. Tears ran down her cheeks.

The next morning Tara found her locker all decorated and a big "Happy Be-lated Birthday" sign on it. She smiled softly and opened her locker. Inside was a letter:

_Dear Tara,_

We both love you. We're sorry about not wishing you a happy birthday yesterday and believe us, we feel really bad about it. We'll make it up to you and go above and beyond about it. You're always in our hearts.

Love,

Adrienne and Tim

Her eyes began to water and her vision got blurry. They still cared about her. They still loved her.

**November**

"I need another beer." Dale slurred as he struggled to get up to his feet, but was unsuccessful, "Aww nevermind!" he slouched back in his chair.

Tara sat at the dinning room table in clear view of Dale. She tried not to look at him and concentrate on her homework. He was beginning to get bad. Tara wondered if he would get so bad, he wouldn't need alcohol to explode. It was a scary thought that was coming to be more and more a reality.

The parades were the only thing Tara looked forward to. They would always get 1st place or even sweepstakes. Immel would be happy and not yell, and Tara would be able to just forget about her father.

At this parade, in a nearby city, Tara was a bit nervous. She was center, which meant the rest of the rank (AKA the row) would have to be in line with her. She would have to make sure she kept the right distance between herself and the rank in front of her... And she did just that. No chocking, no tripping, no nothing. She proved Donny wrong!

After the parade, she waited for the awards to begin. Tim wandered off with Claire, they officially came out to announce they were an item. Tara was happy for them but she worried. Claire was nice, but she was a junior, who was suppose to be a senior, meaning she was two years older than Tim. Claire was also a biker chick, wild and reckless. But Tara knew Tim was smart and could handle himself.

Adrienne came and sat next to Tara putting her head on her shoulder, "Hey girlie. How are you?"

Tara smiled, "Hey you. I've b-been okay," That was a lie but Tara sprayed Adrienne wouldn't be able to tell. "How are you?"

Adrienne smiled and cuddled against Tara, "Pretty good."

They sat there with their black polo band shirts and black pants and bright white band jackets, flashy indeed.

'Wow, her hair smells great,' Tara thought, 'Really, really great.' Tara closed her eyes and leaned her head against Adrienne's.

Both girls sat there with their eyes closed, leaning on each other. On the ground, their hands barely touching, yet could feel everything.

Tara wanted so badly to touch Adrienne's hand, so much that it hurt. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Perhaps it was hormones, but Tara's blood began to boil. Her breathing slightly increased. Things were getting bad. At home and within herself. All she wanted to was to feel wanted, loved, and safe.

**December**

"We don't have money for so many damn gifts!" Dale yelled toward Amber, "You think we're made out of money?!"

Amber just shook her head. All she had done was remind Dale to do the Christmas shopping before the stores got hectic.

He just stared at Amber and pushed her hard into the counter, hurting her lower back. Slowly Amber sank to the ground, holding her back.

With nothing to say, Dale walked out of the kitchen. Tara had just walked through the door as Dale pushed her and walked out.

Slowly Tara shut the door, noting Dale was in a pissed off mood, what else is new? In the background, Tara heard soft wimpers coming from the kitchen. She took one small step toward the kitchen, then she realized it was her mother.

Tara's eyes went wide and she hurried to the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her... Amber was on the floor supporting herself with one arm, while the other was on her back. Her head was toward the floor so she had no idea Tara was at the doorway.

"Mommy?" Tara whispered, feeling as if she was losing her mind. Time was standing still all around her.

Amber looked up at her daughter, her eyes threatening to let the tears flow, "Tara..." was all she said.

Moving slowly, Tara made her way to the ground next to her mother. She dared not touch her, "Mom... Wh-what happened?" No answer, "It... It was him. Wasn't it?" Again no answer.

Something stired within Tara. Something she didn't know was in her: Anger. She loved her father, but only because he was a good provider. But he was far from having Tara's respect.

Determination flowed through Tara. This is enough, it's time to leave... 'Soon,' Tara thought, 'Soon.' Soon Tara would get them both out and away from her father. The plan: Get more money, save, get out!

"Can you get up?" Tara asked, fighting tears.

Amber nodded but still used Tara for support. At that moment Donny came in through the kitchen door and saw what was going on. His mother was hurt, "Mom?" he rushed to her, grabbing her, pushing Tara away, "What happened?" He began to help Amber to the living room.

"My back," knowing not to mention anything else.

Without a second thought, Tara placed a gentle hand on Amber's back. She concentrated and made the pain minimal.

Slowly Amber struggled to get up, Donny helped her and took her up the stairs with Tara following. They gently layed Amber down onto the bed, Tara not letting go of Amber's hand.

Donny left the room without a word. Tara layed next to Amber, "Mom? What... What can I do?"

From the bed, Amber smiled and put her hand on Tara's cheek. Even though Amber said nothing, only smiled, tears began to run down Tara's cheeks.

Very slowly, Tara put her head down on the pillow and cried, never letting go of her mother's hand.

**January: 1996**

_Things have certainly balanced. All that good that happened, it's finally being countered. Dad is drinking more, but he doesn't need the alcohol to hurt us. Mom's back is hurting her a lot. Donny's helping with Mom, but saying I'm getting in the way. She's looking more pale. The life that burns in her eyes is slowly fading. I want to tell her to hold on a little longer. I'm going to get us out of here. Please, Mommy, just hold on..._

She closed her journal, a tear running down her cheek, then placed her head, face down, on her desk. Silently she cried to herself. It was obvious what was happening to Amber, Tara knew. It was some kind of sickness, slowly eating at her life force, her essence. There was nothing Tara could do to stop it.

From downstairs, Tara heard her father come in. Slowly she creeped to her door and silently opened it a crack. She listened...

"Damn house is a mess! Amber! Amber!" Dale yelled.

Tara grew angry and her tears grew hot. Her hand gripped the door and her nails dug into the wood. Amber was down stairs, calmly takling to Dale as he shouted.

Heavy foot steps came up the stairs, daddy was coming. Tara closed the door and hurried to her desk, putting away her journal, along with other items that may anger her father.

Just as she closed her drawer, Dale pounded on the door. Without a sound coming from her, Dale threw the door open and just stood there.

Tara gulped and was frozen.

"Why haven't you helped your mother clean?" he stood there, very still.

"I-I, um, w-was doing my, my homework." she gulped again.

"Oh!" he mocked, "Your homework!" He quickly walked toward her and struck her to the ground. "Why? You think an education is going to save you from your demon part?" she looked up at him with a tear covered face, "You are nothing because of it. You are a worthless and useless piece of trash!" He scoffed, "No one will ever love you. No one will ever love a demon like you." He walked toward the door, "Help keep the house clean." he walked out, leaving Tara on the floor.

Tears continued to flow and she got up and went to get her journal...

_I am useless._

She looked at the words intensely...

_Evil demon._

Again she stared...

_Worthless._

**February**

The school seemed happy. Everyone seemed to be coupling up left and right. It's the damn holiday of Valentine's Day. It was almost sickening to see everyone's hormones raging. Not for Tara, for Ellie. She'd always hung out in the Drama Tech room, but it was closed this day, so Ellie went into the bandroom. Through all the noise, Ellie heard something beautiful. She went into the back and peaked into one of the practice rooms, one in the way back; 'Sound proof my ass,' Ellie thought, but for this beautiful violin music, she was glad it was fully sound proof.

The violinist was a girl, a blonde. She had on a long, greenish/brown skirt, with a brown, long flared sleeved shirt. The music was beaufitul, Ellie wanted to see who it was, but she waited.

Once the violinist was done, she turned; it was Tara. Ellie noticed she looked sad, there was no smile and she hid behind her hair. Either way, Ellie knocked, Tara looked up and was mortified. Slowly she entered, "Gotcha back." Ellie said and smiled.

Tara stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights. She knew what the punk girl was talking about, but still, she was embarrassed beyond words, "Umm... S-sorry if... It w-was, um, bad."

"It wasn't bad, Tara. It was beautiful. You normally come here to practice?"

"No, just today." She began to put her violin away.

"Why just today?"

Tara smiled a sad smile and shrugged, "Just felt l-like practicing."

"Oh," Ellie sat. She knew Tara was close to Adrienne and Tim, and now both had a honey on their arm. She figured Tara just felt like a 5th wheel. "You know Rickie Torres?"

Tara looked at Ellie and sat, "Um, heard of him."

"He and I," she smiled, "We went out for like five minutes. Then he realized he was gay." Ellie chuckled, "Then Sean, I went out with him for a couple months then... We sorta drifted."

"I'm sorry." Tara said sincerely.

"No, no, it's fine. I like to keep my options open anyway." Ellie smiled at looked at Tara, making eye contact. Then the bell rang, "Well, time to get going. Bye." Ellie said and walked out of the room.

Tara put away her violin and just as she opened the door, Adrienne was there, "Tara! Let's get to class!" she grabbed her hand and they walked to class.

Class was long and annoying. Both Adrienne and Tara walked out of class shoulder to shoulder. "Tara, you look nice today."

Tara stopped in her tracks and froze. It felt like hours she stood there. Slowly she moved her head and looked at Adrienne, a deep blush on her cheeks, "Wh-what?"

"You look really good today." Adrienne repeated sincerely, "You have no idea how beautiful you are."

"Uh," she was speechless. What was one suppose to say to that?

Nonetheless, Adrienne smiled and touched Tara's shoulder, "C'mon, time to pry Tim away from Claire and start the walk home."

Soon they found him, with his mechanic buddies, and Claire. Both were right next to each other. Then Sean, in his beanie, came out. He saw Adrienne and smiled, she inturned smiled. They walked to each other, gave a quick kiss on the lips and hugged.

Tara tilted her head, they looked kind of cute. A Gothic beauty and a gangsta white boy, weird indeed. Still, she felt horrible that she was jealous, but she knew it was human nature. But she couldn't help but grumble inside.

"You guys heading home already?" Sean said. Tara flinched at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah." Adrienne replied in a soft voice with a smile.

Tim got up, Claire following his movement. He turned and wrapped his arms around her, "I'll call you tonight?"

She nodded and they kissed. Adrienne and Sean did the same.

The three friends walked home and Tara was quiet, more than usual and Adrienne and Tim caught on but didn't bother her.

"There's a party next month at Claire's. You're both invited." Tim said.

"Awesome," Adrienne replied.

Tara smiled, "I'll see what I can do." She knew she'd have to tell her father a little white lie, but it'd be worth it... Right?

**March**

The party day came. Claire lived in a small two story house on the edge of the city. Most of her friends were bikers and high school drop outs. It was barely 7PM and already more than half the people were drunk.

Neither Tara nor Adrienne felt as if they were okay to be there. Sean stayed near Adrienne, protectively, watching all the drunkards. "You guys thirsty?" he asked, almost yelling over the loud music.

"Yeah, but not for booze." Adrienne replied.

"I'll see what I can find." he smiled at both girls and walked into the kitchen.

The girls made their way around the house to the porch in the back yard and sat. It was a sad back yard. The grass was brown and dead and all over the yard was car parts, laying about. Claire and her family were obviously mechanics.

For a few minutes there was silence, then Adrienne spoke, "How've you been?"

Tara turned, "Okay. You?"

"I've been great, but, I want to know what's going on with you. Home life and such."

Now that was not a pretty subject, "Umm..."

Right away Adrienne knew, "You don't have to keep living like that."

Tara looked down at her lap then back up at Adrienne.

"Listen, there are lots of places that could help. There's a ton of groups and shelters-"

"No." Tara interrupted. They'd never give refuge to demons like them, "They'd be no help." but she couldn't let Adrienne know why.

"Tara," she got close to Tara and put a hand on hers and gently squeezed it, "I worry so much about you. Whether you want to admit it or not, your dad's abusive. You're abused, so was I, so was Tim. Us abused kids, we sense each other. It's like some sick radar." She paused, then continued, "Point is, I care about you, Tara. You're so amazing and beautiful, you have one of the purest souls I've ever seen, you don't deserve to live like that."

Tears had built in Tara's eyes. She knew it was true, the abuse part, but no way could Tara believe that she was beautiful and pure. Demons weren't pure! she screamed in her head. The tears fell, Tara didn't move.

"I love you, Tara. You're always in my heart and are a part of me. I never want to see you in pain but you always are." Tara's tears flowed down her cheeks. Adrienne's heart broke in half. Her own eyes had tears in them. Adrienne leaned in and kissed Tara on her cheek, which lingered for about two seconds.

She leaned back and stared at Tara, who's eyes were red and puffy. Her mouth was opened and after a few moments, Tara finally said, "I love you to." Of course, in Tara mind, her words had a much different meaning than Adrienne's.

It took less than a second for the girls to hug. Tara felt so safe and loved in Adrienne's arms, it was amazing.

She opened finally, "I h-hate it there." Tara said through tears, "I'm worthless."

Adrienne pulled back and held Tara's shoulders and looked at her intensely, "No! No you're not!"

"You don't know," she gulpped, "E-everything about me."

"I know enough." she leaned and kissed Tara's forehead slowly and gently. As she backed away, she locked eyes with Tara.

Both girls stared at each other long and hard, deep into each others eyes. Adrienne had always felt an attraction to her friend, but for her, it was hard liking two people at the same time, but she made her choice, and it was Sean. Still, Tara would always be in her heart. Tara was so fragile, vulnerable, soft, and warm, Adrienne felt like she might break her if she hugged too hard.

In Adrienne's heart, Tara would always have a place and she'd never be replaced, but she also fell in love with someone.

"Sorry guys," Sean said as he walked out, holding three cups, "All they had was grape soda. Hope that's okay."

The girls broke their embrace and took a cup that Sean held out for them. 

"Ellie didn't come huh?" Sean asked.

Adrienne shook her head, "She said it wasn't her crowd. Not really mine either."

The three teens just stayed in the back yard, staring at the sky, while the party went on inside.

**April**

"I'm going to Jane's Addiction!" Adrienne shouted excitedly, "This is so frickin' amazing! I LOVE Jane's Addiction! Dave Navarro is so hott and... GOD they are just great!"

Tara smiled, knowing that Jane's Addiction was Adrienne's favorite band, she was going to see them, live in concert for her birthday in Denver. She was happy that Adrienne was happy.

Arms came around Adrienne's waist from behind and she smiled. it was Sean and she knew it, "Hey."

"Hey yourself." He let go and sat next to her. Lunch time on the bleachers, a great time.

Tim finally came up, Claire right behind him, "Hey people. How goes it?" he sat, Claire right in front of him. Sean and Tim exchanged a high five and settled back down.

Tara felt very awkward being "alone". She tried to smile though and keep on a happy face, but it was hard. She sat quietly as the other continued to talk amongst themselves. Then the bell rang and Tara sighed in relief, "Time for class." Quickly Tara gathered her things and said her goodbyes and went down the bleachers, a backpack slung on her shoulder and a big folder in her hands.

A few days passed and Tara continued to feel awkward. She had always been used to it always being her, Adrienne, and Tim. Always just the three of them. It was good that way. Still, Tara spent this day in the library, claiming she needed to do some extra studying. She sat at a table in the nealy empty library with an open book, not even looking at the words. Her head was on her arm; she was almost falling asleep.

A noise next to her stirred her awake. She sat up and looked around, seeing what caused the noise, it was Ellie. The punk girl sat down, not even looking at Tara, "Hey. Studying hard?"

A tiny smile creeped on Tara's face, "Yeah."

"Why are you in here?" Ellie finally looked up at Tara.

Tara looked down at her hands for a moment and looked back up with a sad smile, not saying a word.

"Ah, I see." Ellie smiled, knowing, "Well, if you ever feel like that, come get me." she smiled.

Adrienne's birthday came and passed, she had spent the night home alone with Sean where they shared their love, so to speak. Andrea, Adrienne's sister hadn't been home but had let Adrienne stay home and invite a few friends. The only person she had invited was Sean.

It hurt Tara that it wasn't her that Adrienne loved, but she knew that the heart chooses who it wants to love, and it wasn't her. It was Sean. There was nothing she could do.

Then the day for the concert, which came out of nowhere, arrived. Adrienne and Sean and Tim and Claire had gone together, Tara felt it best to stay behind, knowing full well that a concert was not the best environment given her anxiety. The only resentment she felt was just that she couldn't be near Adrienne while she was at her happiest peak, something Tara regreted.

**End of the 1st part of 10th grade**

Author's Note: Sorry everyone, had to end it there as a cliff hanger. Part 2 (May-August) of 10th grade sorta needs it's own chapter, you'll see why.

Answers to Reviews: HOW SAD!!! Lol, only two new reviews!

Ashleey- Thank you kindly. I'm trying to update as much as possible, but being a student and having a job, it's a bit hard. Hopefully I'll update like every 2-3 months... My chapters are KIND of long anyway, hehe.

Rowlingfan217- Working on updating! I swear! :) 


	6. 10th Grade Part 2

**May**

The sky was gloomy and the sun couldn't break through the clouds. It wasn't supposed to rain, or even seem like it. It was spring time, the sun should be out and it should be warm. Yet it was gloomy. Even the air felt depressing and flat. 

Tara sat silent as did Tim and Claire, with Sean sitting a few feet away, by himself on the bleachers. It was the third day Adrienne was absent in two weeks. Under normal circumstances, Adrienne was never absent, even if she was sick. Everyone was worried, everyone who cared about her.

Seeing the small group from the field, Ellie Nash began to climb the steps slowly. She was friends with Adrienne and knew this was not the girl's normal behavior. It took a few moments but the young punk girl made it to the top with everyone else. They all looked at her with sullen faces. Gently she touched and squeezed Sean's shoulder, he glanced up to acknowledge her and slowly nodded. Then Ellie turned to Tim and Claire, they smiled at her.

Finally, Ellie turned toward Tara. Her grey eyes locked with Tara's ice blues. She made her way to the blonde and sat next to her. Ellie put an arm around Tara's shoulder and held her close as Tara leaned her head on Ellie's shoulder and closed her eyes.

Everyone was worried, everyone felt it. 

Days passed and Adrienne kept up a happy face, not wanting her friends to worry. The pain in her stomach and chest was getting worse, but she continued to smile, "You guys, relax. It's probably nothing. I'm going to the doctor in a few days." She smiled warmly, "It's nothing. You'll see."

And for those few days she continued that same speech pattern. "Stop worrying about me. Tim, you're birthday is tomorrow! Stop being so gloomy." Adrienne said as she playfully smacked Tim's arm, then returned to her spot on Sean's arm, using him to support herself. The pain was worsening, but she tried to hide it.

But Tara knew. She could see the pain in Adrienne's eyes, how much it hurt. Even Ellie and Claire saw, but they said nothing.

That day, Tara sat in her room and looked at a picture of herself and Adrienne sitting at the bleachers a few months back. Her eyes filled with tears.

The next day, Adrienne was absent. Tim sat in his math class, a balloon tied to his chair, but he did not feel cheery at all. Tara sat in her honors English class, the class she shared with Adrienne, alone. Sean was in his computer class, not paying attention as he stared at the clock. Ellie feeling sluggish in her tech class, didn't participate in the set designs.

At the end of the day, they all met right outside of Adrienne's locker, knowing she wouldn't be there and hadn't been there. No one spoke. Tara stole a glance at Sean, who looked like he was about to cry. She felt sympathy toward him, also guilt for being jealous. Without a word, they all split and walked their ways, Tara and Tim side by side.

Adrienne hadn't been there the entire week, then finally, Tara's English teacher announced what was going on, "As you all know, Adrienne Wilson has been sick. She won't be returning for the rest of the year."

Knots formed in the pit of Tara's stomach. She gulped hard, tensed up, and felt as if she was getting ready to be hung. Very still she sat in her chair, gripping the desk, shaking, waiting, not ready for the news.

"Why?" a student asked.

The teacher looked down at the floor and sighed. Her eyes were saddened and ready to open the gates for the tears that were waiting to be let out. She brought her head up and breathed in, "She's been... Diagnosed with liver cancer."

All the blood froze in Tara's veins, drained from her face, all of time went still. She could feel her heart beating a mile a second, yet felt so light headed. When time sped up, she was dizzy. She wanted to faint, vomit, cry, scream, everything to wake up from that nightmare. No, it couldn't be... It is.

She saw Tim at his locker, staring blankly at it. He looked so pale and stiff. Her feet began to make their way toward him, slowly and cautiously. Once she got to him, he placed a hand on his shoulder.

Slowly he turned and faced her, tilting his head lower to see her, given that she was somewhat shorter than him. His eyes were lifeless and dark. He held eye contact for a moment then closed his eyes tightly. When he reopened them, he looked toward the ground and bit his lower lip.

Tara could almost feel his heart beating, so slow and weak from sadness. She wanted to hug him, but she could feel his wall building, a wall similar to her own. Then his breathing increased as did his heart rate. Faster and faster, he looked at Tara and said in a hoarsed voice, "Sorry... I want to be alone." then slammed his locker and walked away from Tara.

Standing there with shock, Tara closed her eyes and tilted her head downward. Within moment, she walked out the door of the school. She moved her head to look at the world in front of her, so many kids, children, laughing and enjoying life, as they should, taking everything for granted, but she didn't get angry, she got sad. Things changed for her, for Adrienne, for Tim, for Sean, for Ellie, for Andrea, for everyone involved in Adrienne's life.

Suddenly, getting home on time didn't seem so important, so Tara took her time with each step. Her feet felt heavy, her shoulders were slumped. Then she saw him, saw Sean. He was standing on a corner leaning on a stop sign. 

Tara walked toward him, knowing he was in pain. Once she reached him, she softly said his name, "Sean?"

Slowly he lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes red and puffy. He had been crying hard and long. His breathing was sharp and hollow and his body began to slightly shake. His eyes began to twitch as more tears fell from them, his lip quivered as he opened his mouth barely, attempting to speak, yet nothing came out.

Not knowing what to do or what to say, Tara put a gentle hand on his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He hugged back and began to bawl on her shoulder. She in turn began to cry onto his, however, she held in more than he did. They stood there, on the corner, hugging and crying onto one another's shoulder. Tara put aside and destroyed her feelings of jealousy, and understood his pain. She promised herself she would be there for him and would help him in whatever way she could. 

Minutes later, he pulled back and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, "Sorry," he mumbled, "I should go." He paused and looked at Tara, and gave a small and weak smile. His eyes said "thank you" to her and her eyes said "your welcome".

Tara began the walk to her house alone. Seemed like miles and miles, but in reality it was only about two. She was a few blocks from her house when she saw someone, a petite person in black standing on the corner of her street. She walked closer and quickly recognized the girl, it was Ellie. Tara exhaled and continued to walk.

It was then that Ellie turned and looked up, "Tara," was all the girl could say. She to had been crying.

Neither girl knew what to do. Then, without thinking, they embraced each other in a tight hug and cried on each other's shoulder.

**June**

Music and art were the only window out of the harsh and cruel reality that Tara lived in. Knowing the one person who saved her, who helped her in so many ways, was dying; Tara felt hollow. School ended and Tara was almost like a zombie. A zombie with saddened eyes, sluggish movements, and saw the world almost grey.

_Her light is fading away, and there's nothing I can do about it. Why am I so weak? Why can't I help her? All I do is cry and pray to the Goddess for strength. Tim needs her, Sean needs her, everyone needs her... I need her. I love her, I can't imagine the world without her. She's too beautiful and caring and lovely and everything good to not be here. I can't imagine life with her gone. She saved me, showed me life can be worth living, helped me find my sexuality. _

What else could she do?

Then the phone rang. She made no attempt to reach for it. Then it stopped, someone downstairs had gotten it. She didn't care, she just stared blankly at the page in her journal. The world around her could wait for her to return as she stayed in her comfort zone within her mind... Then there was a knock at her door.

Slowly the door opened and Amber popped in holding the cordless phone, "It's Tim." she said gently, holding the phone to her daughter.

Tara lifted her hand to reach for it, her hand heavier than a brick, and grabbed the phone, just holding it. Amber placed a gentle hand on her daughter's head and ran her fingers through her hair before leaving the room.

For a few moments, Tara stared at the phone then brought it up to her ear, "Hello?" she whispered.

There was a dead silence, then, a voice muffled, "Tara?"

It was Tim, but he sounded like he hadn't slept in days. 'He probably hasn't,' Tara thought. "You okay? Where are you?" she asked.

"I'm at Claire's. Spent the night here," he paused, "Dammit. I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry." then a click, then a dial tone.

For a moment, Tara was dumbfounded. She began to worry about Tim. But what could she do? He was so stand offish lately and he seemed like he was ready to explode like a big volcano at any second. He still needed time, Tara realized. He needed time just as she did.

Several days passed and Tara had not heard from Tim. She hadn't even seen him at school. Could he be avoiding her? Was he ill? That couldn't be, he sounded fine, if only a little distraught.

There was nothing left to analyze of the phone call. Tara noticed she had been doing that a bit in her head; analyzing things. Everything seemed to have meanings, so why shouldn't she analyze them? 

Tara sighed, 'I'm such a loser,' she thought. She went back to her desk, dragging her feet behind her. When she got to her desk, she sat and looked at her water color paper. She had been wanting to paint a faery for a while, but she couldn't get herself to start it. It took her a week to decide on the color scheme; blue. In honor of Adrienne, but would she give it to her? Not until it's perfect Tara decided.

For three days Tara was quiet, more quiet than usual. It was almost as if she was back in 6th grade when she was alone. She roamed the house, jaw clenched slighty, eyes toward the ground.

During the day, she helped Amber with the house work and went to the store with her and helped her run errands. 

When the end of the day came, it was time for Tara to go babysit Monica. She decided to leave about a half hour earlier than she was suppose to, not like being a little early would hurt. To her suprise, she saw Sean in his car with his head against the wheel. 

Slowly, Tara made her way to his car and leaned down to look in. She knocked gently on the window; he turned his head slightly then straighted up. He nodded his head as a welcome to come in and Tara did so.

Once she was settled in, Tara was silent. She turned, barely, to glance at Sean. She inhaled and turned fully to face Sean. He was staring a bit blankly at the street.

"Sean?" Tara asked with a tiny voice.

Without a word, he turned and looked at her.

"H-how are you doing?"

He stared and blinked. After a few seconds, he swollowed a lump in his throat, "Hurting."

He turned back to look at the street, his body slightly shaking.

When Tara arrived to the house, she knocked on the door, making it the exact time she was meant to be there. Soon Ashley, Monica's mother opened the door with a smile on her face. "Tara! Hey, come on in," she said very cheery.

"Tara!" Monica squeeled and ran up to the blonde jumping on her.

With a small laugh Tara said, "Hey, Monkey."

"Okay, Tara, I might be about 30 minutes late tonight. There are frozen pizzas in the freezer. Um... Have fun girls!" Ashley hugged them both and walked out of the door.

About 3 hours passed since Ashley left, "Tara? What's wrong?" little Monica asked in curiosity that only a child would have. "You seem sad."

Tara turned at the girl and smiled a sad and almost pathetic smile. She took a deep breath, "I'm okay, Mon. D-don't worry about me." She tried to give a reasurring smile.

Monica gave a suspicious look, she may have been young, but she wasn't blind. Anyone could see Tara's distress, her saddness from just the look of her eyes. But, Monica decided to drop the subject and go back to watching TV with her baby sitter.

**July**

It's been 3 months since Adrienne started her chemotherapy, and lately, she'd been feeling a bit spunky. Her sister, Andrea, allowed her to have her friends over. Of course Adrienne had chosen Sean, Tara, Tim, and Ellie. All were happy to be around each other, for the first time since May, they were together, many smiles on their faces, all hiding the fear and the sadness that lay within each and every one of them. For each of them, it was the first time they actually SAW Adrienne since her chemo started.

"So guys, what do you think of the bald look? I don't know if it suits me. I'm thinking of a wig. Maybe a bright baby blue?" Adrienne said with a huge smile on her face.

Sean, who sat next to her, was incredibly careful not to make her uncomfortable, or to touch her more than nesessary for fear he may make her sick. "I think you still look hot bald. You almost look like a rock star chick." Everyone laughed.

"A wig like that would suit you. But right now, I see more of a, bright red one." Ellie said with a smile.

"How about an umbrella hat?" Tim said jokingly. Everyone chuckled.

"Ha ha, Timbo. So what's this I hear about you spending the night with Claire, huh?" Adrienne began teasing him, "Just how close are you two?"

A big blush made its mark on Tim's face and he made a fake laugh, "We don't need to discuss that."

"Oh, c'mon, man," Sean playfully punched Tim's arm, "You can either tell us or we can let our minds wander into dirty thoughts."

"Dirty and naughty." Ellie added.

Tim made a face, "Alright. What do you think we did? Her family wasn't home, there was some booze, a bed..."

"Tim scored!" Adrienne exclaimed causing everyone to laugh.

Tara, however, said nothing but mearly smiled. She was so scared and feared everything. All she wanted to do was find some way to cure Adrienne of this disease, but she knew the dangers of magicks and medicine being mixed. That could do more harm than good, and Tara wanted to beat herself over and over because she couldn't help. She just continued to smile and look on at Adrienne Wilson, the first person who noticed her.

By the time it was the late afternoon, about 5PM, Adrienne had grown exhausted. It was time to leave. Everyone got up and were hesitant to actually consider a hug to Adrienne. "You guys, I'm not in a plastic bubble. I want some love!" she smiled.

Slowly, everyone stepped forward to give a hug. Ellie was the first to go up to Adrienne, both goth girls opened their arms and embraced. "Make sure you go to that Perfect Circle concert." Adrienne said.

"I will." Ellie replied, it was obvious she was fighting tears by the sound of her voice. Then when she stepped away from Adrienne, her eyes glazed and looked like they were about to flood.

Then Tim stepped up and he inhaled deeply, "It was great seeing you." They hugged and held still for a few seconds then broke apart and smiled at each other. "I swear I might as well say you're my sister." he smiled.

"Why not? I've been saying you're my brother." she smiled back as she turned to Tara.

Tara made her way in front of Adrienne and stared with her big, sad, blue eyes and made a weak smile. They embraced and held it for several seconds. For Tara, time stopped and in the room at that moment, it was just her and Adrienne, just the two of them holding each other.

"Please believe me when I say you will be great in life, Tara. You are beautiful and great." Adrienne whispered into Tara's ear, not breaking their embrace.

It was several seconds before they parted, Tara was speechless, but her eyes said enough. She fought the tears from falling, she had to wait til she was outside, at least, for Adrienne's sake, as well as her own.

Finally Sean stepped up. When he and Adrienne embraced, it was almost sad. Everyone in the room could feel how much these two cared for each other and how scared both really were. "I love you." they both said at the same time, then smiled.

"I'll call you tonight, ya?" Sean asked.

"You better." Adrienne replied.

When they were done saying their goodbyes, Sean offered everyone a ride home, but only Tim accepted. Tara wanted to walk because she liked looking at the outside, and Ellie wanted to keep her company. Sean smiled and patted the girls on the shoulder, then he and Tim got into his car and drove off.

The girls began the walk in silence. Neither knew what to say, but the silence between them was enough for a long conversation. They walked a couple blocks before Ellie said anything, "Hey, how're you holding up? Honestly."

Startled, Tara turned to the punk girl, "Wh-what?"

They both stopped and Ellie turned to face the blonde. She gave Tara a look then continued, "It's obvious how you feel about her. I just want to know how you're doing. You put up a wall to protect yourself, but you'll only end up hurting more. Trust me," she rolled up a sleeve on her left arm and revealed something frightening. Her entire forearm was covered in scars, "I used to cut. My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is in the army, in Kuwait. I didn't let anyone in. This was how I dealt." She rolled the sleeve back down.

Tara stood there in bewilderment. That had happened so randomly. 'Where did all this come from?' Tara thought.

"You've got to be careful, Tara." Ellie continued, "Sometimes you need to vent, otherwise," she paused, "You could get lost." She gave one last look at Tara and continued walking.

The rest of the walk in silence. Neither girl knew what to say, however, this was a comforting silence between both girls.

**August**

"So you guys broke up, huh?" Sean asked from under the car that he and Tim were working on.

"Yeah. We both wanted to. I mean, she's a kick ass chick to hang out with, and hot as hell, but she wasn't really good for talking." he paused," Well, only about cars." he chuckled.

Sean shared the chuckle with Tim as he came out from under the car and stood up. He put a hand inside his pocket and pulled out a black box.

"Whoa buddy! Sorry, but I don't swing that way! You might wanna try Rickie though." Tim exclaimed, jokingly.

"Hey man!" Sean shouted, slightly punching Tim in the arm, "It's not for you, you're not pretty enough... It's for Adrienne."

That was almost enough to knock Tim out of his chair, "What!"

Sean smiled, almost blushing, and looked at the box, "What can I say?" he looked up, "I love her man."

"That's beautiful... But how can you say I'm not that pretty?" Both boys chuckled, then Tim asked, "When are you going to ask her?"

"Next month," Sean's voice softened, "On our one year anniversary."

Tim smiled and patted Sean on the shoulder, "You're the only guy I trust. Treat her well."

The guys hugged and patted each other on the back and returned to fixing the car.

Meanwhile, Tara spent her day helping her mother around the house. Amber noticed that the past few months, Tara had gone grey.

While Tara stood at the sink, ready to wash dishes, Amber stared at her daughter. Slowly Amber walked behind Tara, slowly and gently she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. It was an odd connection between mother and daughter; slowly Amber released her energy to Tara in order to calm her.

Tara turned to face her mother, standing only an inch shorter, stared into her mother's eyes. The only place she could find comfort. Tara flung herself in her mother's arms and cried on her shoulder.

For all they knew, Tara and Amber could've stood there for hours or they could've stood there for a minute, either way, their hug broke when the phone rang. Tara turned back to the sink and began to wash the dishes, slowly. Amber reached for the phone on the wall, "Hello?... Yes she is, who may I ask is calling?... Hold on," Amber covered the phone with her hand, "It's Ellie Nash?"

Moving away from the sink, Tara dried her hands with a towel and grabbed the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey, what are you doing?" Ellie asked through the phone.

"Washing dishes."

"When you're done with that, want to go for a walk? It's still kind of light out."

"Let me ask." Tara placed a hand over the mouth piece, "Mom? After I finish the, um, dishes... Can I go for a walk with Ellie?"

Amber cocked an eyebrow, "Who's Ellie?"

"A friend." a small blushed crept on Tara's cheeks, she didn't even realize she blushed, but Amber noticed.

"Sure." Amber said with a nodd.

Tara returned to the phone, "Sure."

"Great. I'll head over there. You should be done by the time I get there."

The girls said their goodbyes and hung up. Tara returned to the sink, washing the rest of the dishes.

It wasn't long before Tara finished and Ellie arrived, "Mom, th-this is Ellie."

"Hi." Ellie said with a polite smile.

"Nice to meet you, Ellie." Amber said, "Enjoy the walk." With that, she walked back into the kitchen.

"So, um, ready?" Tara asked.

"Yeah." Ellie replied.

Both girls walked about a block without a word coming from either. It was an awkward yet, comforting silence. It was heavy, yet light. Neither girl knew what to say, but each was glad to have the other. There was a feeling of comfort between them.

"Ever tried weed?" Ellie suddenly asked.

"What?" Tara was startled.

"Weed... Pot... Ganja... You know?"

"Um..." Tara thought. There were so many herbs that she and her mother used, and Tara knew that "marijuana" was one. But if she technically "smoked" it, she couldn't say. Although, now that she thought about it, the feeling she got after inhaling the smoke from burning the herbs, she got the completely relaxed feeling. She continued, "Sort of."

Ellie chuckled, "Sort of, huh?... Want to try? My stuff is clean. It's not laced with anything."

"Here?" Tara looked around

"No. People can see. I know a place. You don't mind being late?"

"No."

The girls made their way near a wooden trail. There was a path and Ellie lead Tara to the side. The girls walked a ways before finally coming to two trees with a bench in between them.

Slowly, Ellie stepped up to the bench and sat, her combat boots breaking several twigs, then she pulled out a joint. "It's clean, like the stuff from the 60's. You want the first hit?"

Tara shook her head as she sat next to Ellie.

Taking out a lighter, Ellie brought the joint to her lips and lit it. She inhaled the smoke and held it in for several seconds. Her chest, covered by black lace and other materials, then exhaled. Very little smoke was visible. She handed the joint to Tara.

With a shaky hand, Tara grabbed it. Many times she and Amber burned herbs and inhaled the smoke as a method of relaxation and meditation. Was she high? She thought so. Her hand made its way to her mouth hile holding the joint. She brought it to her lips, mouth opened a crack, sticking the tip of the joint in her mouth, wraping her lips around it. Softly, Tara inhaled, feeling the cool, yet hot smoke enter her throat. Her lungs began to burn with the cold smoke as she held it in. The cold burn began to grow and she finally blew out the smoke, the cough frenzy beginning.

Suddenly Tara felt a hand patting her back. "Whoa there! You going to live?" Ellie said, taking back the joint.

"Yeah." Tara replied between coughs, finally gaining some control.

"One hit should do us both good." Ellie had a small grin on her face.

"Yeah," Tara's cheeks grew red, "Yeah."

Both girls stared off into the woods, knowing what each was thinking: Adrienne. Yet, both felt completely comfortable with each other.

Author's Note: Sorry SO SORRY for the massive amounts of lateness on this sub chapter! So sorry! Life and work and school and exhaustedness is interfering! But do not worry for I shall NEVER forget this story. 


	7. 11th Grade Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Tara, Ellie, or Sean. Tim and Adrienne based on friends of mine.

Author's Note: Sorry it's taking forever! I won't stop this fic, I promise. Good lord! It's been almost 3 months since I updated? See, the thing is, I write in a notebook then copy that onto the computer, that's where the hold up is.

**September: 1995**

The buzz of Tara's alarm clock sounded off with an annoying blare. A new day was here and school was going to start for her. She was now in 11th grade, a new year, she was now a junior.

Not two seconds passed before Tara turned off her alarm, yet she didn't make a move to get up. Through the covers, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. There was a faint crack that Tara began to study. It was thin and not very noticeable. Her eyes began to follow it one way. Soon it just disappeared, so she back trailed on the crack, following it. The crack went to the wall and down, hiding behind her dresser.

'What a waste of a minute,' Tara thought as she removed the covers and swung around the bed, her feet landing on the floor. For a moment, Tara just sat there. Today was the start of a new grade, but someone important to her wouldn't be there.

Tara blinked a few times, her eyes beginning to sting slightly. Quickly she stood up and walked to her closet and took out a dark brown skirt and her combat style boots. She put the skirt and boots on her bed and then went to her dresser. The first drawer she opened was a dark green peasant top, a gift she had gotten for a birthday. She decided to wear it. Together, the outfit was purely earth toned.

Slowly Tara walked out her door and into the bathroom. The face staring back at her in the mirror was so pale and depressing. With a sigh, Tara began to brush her hair and continued her bathroom needs.

Before she finished brushing her teeth, there was a knock at the door. The door opened and Amber walked in, "Good morning. Aren't you late for Marching Band?"

Tara shook her head, "I'm not in it anymore." She put her tooth brush away.

"Why not?"

"None of m-my friends are in it."

"Neither Tim or Ellie?"

"No." Tara simply answered, the word giving an end to the conversation.

With nothing else to say, Tara walked back to her bedroom and began to dress. The pajamas came off and the street clothes came on. Putting on the boots took a little while longer than the clothes, but once everything was on, Tara looked at herself in the mirror and didn't really see herself.

She was looking through the wall.

Enough was enough. Time to get going. Tara grabbed her book bag and walked out of her room and down the stairs, stopping by the kitchen. She leaned and looked in, staring at her mother. It must've been a few seconds before Amber turned and saw her daughter.

"Tara?" Amber asked, a bit concerned.

"I'm fine. Sorry. Um... I'm going to s-skip breakfast." She began to move toward the front door and walked through.

The walk to school was much the same as the years before. However, the walk itself didn't seem as refreshing as it once was. Each step she took seemed almost hollow. The air seemed a bit stale. It wasn't as fresh as it should be.

Tara looked at the trees as she walked. The leaves becoming a warmer color, the sign that autumn was coming. She'd always loved the color of the trees right before autumn, they were always so beautiful.

Once Tara got to school, there were kids scattered about, running mad. She noticed a freshmen hurrying through the hall, bumping into an upperclassmen. The frightened freshmen apologized and hurried away.

It was strange how life worked. Survival of the fittest. Social Darwinism. The strong overpowering the weak.

Tara shook her head and went to her new locker. Finally, a top locker. No more bending down, having the person above getting mad. Tara opened her locker and arranged her books, pulling out the ones she'd need. She almost regretted dropping band, but she couldn't stand being there without Adrienne. However, she did stay in orchestra. Again she had honors English, only this time, she was by herself. US History, Algebra 2, Art Structure, and Latin.

For the morning, all she has was History and English, so she got out her books for those classes and made her way to English, the first class of the day. In that class, Ms. Drucker, a smart, outgoing, hippie-like teacher taught the class. Tara liked her. No one she cared about was in the class, but the teacher was awesome, very cheery.

After that was History, and much to Tara's surprise, she found Ellie in that class.

"Tara!" Ellie called, "Over here!"

With a smile and a nod, Tara made her way to the far corner where Ellie was, sitting on the desk next to her. "Hey."

"What's new?" Ellie asked.

"Nothing really."

"Alright class!" Mr. Thomson, an energetic man, exclaimed. "Welcome to US History! Here we will be covering... US History!" he brought up his hands and shook them.

"His enthusiasm isn't contagious." Ellie said, making Tara giggle.

The rest of the day was slow for Tara. In her art class, she was alone as well as the rest of her classes. She stayed with Laurel Hill as her art teacher someone Tara was able to connect with. She really enjoyed that class, her favorite activity, which was Laurel's to, was sketching; random doodles.

Soon, however, school was over and the grounds of the streets near it began to fill with students eager to get home. All hurried around, crossing streets and jumping into cars as they rudely held back traffic.

"Tara!" Ellie called from behind, running up to the blonde, "Hey. How was your first day?"

"Um, it was okay."

"No band huh?"

"No. Dad's probably not going to... Like that."

"Hey sexy ladies!" a voice called from a car, the voice belonging to Tim, who was inside of Sean's car. "Want a ride?"

Ellie turned to Tara and smiled, "Sure!" she grabbed onto Tara's arm and pulled her to the car and both girls crawled into the back seat sitting next to each other.

"Buckle up." Sean called from the driver's side as the car began to move.

Throughout the drive, Sean and Tim continued their guy talk about cars and whatever else boys liked to talk about while Tara and Ellie sat quietly in the back seat. Neither girl spoke, however, every so often, both girl's arm would softly touch the other's and that touch would be gentle and comforting.

"Turn here." Tara instructed.

The car turned as Sean maneuvered the wheel; her house was coming up.

"Right here." Tara spoke; Sean brought the car to a stop. She begun to make her way out of the back seat, having to crawl over Ellie, both girls blushing. Once she was out, she straightened her shirt and her jeans and looked to Sean, "Th-thanks for the ride."

"No problem." he replied.

Everyone else said their goodbyes as Tara walked up the pathway to her front door; it was unlocked. As soon as she entered, she noticed Dale hurrying around the house, gathering papers and his briefcase. She knew he was running late for work. "Goddammit! Amber! Where are my keys?" he spotted them, "Nevermind!" he grabbed and went right past Tara without ever acknowledging she was there.

Tara began to go upstairs when she started to hear noise coming from her room. She timidly peaked in and saw Donny looking through her sketch book, "Hey..." she said as she opened the door. "Wh-what are you doing?"

Donny closed the sketch book and looked to his sister, "This is some nasty shit, Tara. It's horrible." He laughed, "Wait till Dad sees it."

"No!" she exclaimed, a bit too much with excitement.

"What?" his face became dark.

"Umm..." Words would not form in her head or her mouth.

Slowly, like a giant, Donny walked to Tara, towering over her. "Did you just raise your voice?"

Her body began to shake.

Very quickly, Donny grabbed Tara's arm hard with one hand. He tightened his grip. The pressure made Tara wince and whimper, which became more abundant as he tightened his grip.

"Dad is way to easy on you. But me, no. I'm gunna make sure you know how to speak to us." he growled as he let go and punched her in the ribs. All the air in her body was forced out as she fell to the ground. "Look at me."

She obeyed.

Without any heart, he opened her sketch book and tore out a drawing. It was of a faery, which Adrienne and Ellie had really liked. He held it up and ripped it in two.

Tara tried to protest, but she was unable, still on the ground, barely breathing.

He grinned as she looked up at him and he looked down. Without warning, he struck her across the face, sending her back to the ground.

"Such stupid shit," he mumbled as he left the room, never letting go of her sketch book.

It took several minutes before Tara made her way to the two pieces of paper that layed lifeless on the floor. Tears fell from her eyes as she picked up the two pieces, trying to fit them together again. The breathing was still not normal and the pain in her sides was not going away. Nothing was right and proper.

Meanwhile, at Adrienne's house, Sean had made a surprise visit. He was a perfect boyfriend to Adrienne. The entire night, Sean dedicated it to her.

"Sean, you didn't have to do all this," Adrienne said as she looked up at him lovingly, as he placed a pan of vegetarian lasagna on the table and took a seat.

"It was no trouble. I wanted to do something special for you." Sean had the tiniest blush as he began to cut through the lasagna. He had taken much time to prepare for this night. Everything had so far landed right on time.

Both teens had enjoyed their night as they ate and drank, all the while, Andrea had stayed in her own room, knowing full well what Sean was up to.

When dinner was finished, Adrienne and Sean had moved over to the couch in the living room and watched television. All Adrienne had the strength to do was to lead her head against Sean's chest, while his solid arms were wrapped around her, never wanting to let go.

Once their time in front of the television was done, Sean lead Adrienne outside to her backyard, giving her his jacket, covering her up. What awaited them outside was a blanket, pillows, and the night sky. The teens settled on the blanket looking up at the stars. Adrienne pointed out constellations, "There's Cassiopeia... And Orion. They're all so beautiful."

Throughout all his star gazing nights, Sean was never able to see the shapes the consolations made, but he still was astonished by the cosmos, though because of his "Mr. Tough Guy" status, he'd never admit it. He smiled at her comments, "Yeah they are... But not nearly as much as you."

A blush crept onto Adrienne's extremely pale face, "Sean..."

"Adrienne," Sean whispered as he rolled onto his side to face Adrienne, "I love you. Love you more than you can count stars in the sky."

She was speechless.

"Will you... Marry me?"

An enormous smile, so big and so happy, appeared on Adrienne's face.

It was several hours before Dale had came home from work and Donny wasted no time in showing Dale his sister's sketchbook. "Tara! Come down here right now!" Dale shouted.

Fear began to build in Tara as she rose from her bed. Holding onto her side, she made her way out of the room and down the stairs. Each step seemed like a cliff. Waiting for Tara in the living room was Dale. Walking in, Tara hid behind her hair, her long sleeves passing her hands.

The fireplace was lit and Dale was standing in front of it, looking at the closed sketchbook. When he heard Tara enter, he straighten his posture and turned to face his daughter. "What have I been telling you? Is this why you quite band? To do this 'art'?"

The only reply from Tara was her head tilted toward the ground, speechless.

"Dammit Tara!" he shouted and threw the sketchbook onto the couch.

Tara shut her eyes tightly.

"I've told you over and over about how evil magic is and about how art can make your mind weaker, but you don't listen." he walked closer, "How much money do you spend on art stuff? How much good money is wasted on that crap?"

Finally Tara's eyes opened as she looked at her father, however, she did not answer him.

"Your money could be spent on better things! That paper isn't even fit to be used as firewood!"

A smile grew on Donny's face, "Heck yeah!" he shouted as he grabbed the sketch book, "I'll take care of it." Without any other thought, Donny tossed Tara's sketch book into the fire.

"NO!" Tara shouted as she ran for it. Donny quickly grabbed her and pushed her back hard enough to knock her to the floor.

"Dammit Donald!" Dale shouted, "Why'd you do that!"

"Thought you wanted me to." Donny was dumbfounded, his eyes wide and stupid.

"You moron!"

Tara managed to crawl right in front of the fire, close enough to feel heat and see the pictures burning into ashes. She couldn't help but cry as memories were being destroyed.

"No wonder you can't keep a job. You can't even wait for directions. Get out of my sight you disgrace. I'll talk to you later."

Glaring at Tara, Donny finally turned and walked out of the living room fuming.

Dale turned to Tara as soon as Donny was out of the room, "Stand up, Tara."

Slowly she began to rise, wincing in pain.

"Why are you holding your side?" he questioned.

"I, um, fell... In gym class... Today." she stuttered.

Nodding, Dale looked at the fireplace. "That's what happens when you go behind my back. I wasn't going to throw it in right away, but next time, I will. So there had better not be a next time."

"Yes sir."

"Good. Now go upstairs."

She obeyed.

Once she got into her room, Tara went straight to her bed and hugged one of her pillows. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as the event that had just happened not five minutes before, continued to replay in her mind over and over again.

The door began to open slowly, revealing Donny in the door way. Tara could tell by his aura that he was enraged. Very slowly, he walked in, closing the door, clenching his fists. Terror ran cold through Tara's veins, "P-please, Donny."

"Please nothing..." he said in a very low voice. At first, his speed of walking was slow, then it increased and suddenly, Tara was on the floor and Donny was beating her, making sure not to hit her in the face, to not leave evidence.

Suddenly, Tara's world was consumed by darkness.

**October**

"So he asked and I said yes!" Adrienne exclaimed, full of excitment and joy as she told the story of Sean proposing to her.

"Wow," Ellie smiled, "That's so awesome."

Everyone noticed how skinny and pale Adrienne had gotten since she started her chemotherapy; the doctors have started giving her medicinal marijuana for physical pain. But now, after Sean proposed to her, she seemed to come alive more.

"And he was so romantic about it to. I mean, we were star gazing and talking and he asked me."

"Damn... Why'd we break up?" Ellie joked, "You hooked one of the few good guys out there."

"I know." Adrienne smiled happily.

"Hey girls," Andrea called out, "I'm off to work. No parties!"

"Don't worry, Sissy! We'll be good!" Adrienne called back.

Once Andrea left, the girls continued their girly chit chat, "Hey, guys... I'll b-be right back. Going to the bathroom." Tara announced.

When Tara was gone, Adrienne noticed how Ellie was looking after Tara as she walked out of the room. "What are you doing?" Adrienne asked with a grin on her face.

Quickly, Ellie turned to Adrienne, "What?"

"You... You were looking at Tara."

"So? I always look at people."

"Ellie, that wasn't just any kind of look."

"Whatever you want to think." A small blush was growing on Ellie's cheeks.

"Oh... You like her, don't you?"

At first, Ellie was dumbfounded, words couldn't form in her mouth. Her eyes averted themselves to the carpet then back to Adrienne, "You're crazy."

"Am I?"

Ellie nodded.

"Whatever, Eleanor."

"Whatever, Emma."

"Hey! You know I hate that name!"

"Hmm, wonder why I called you that... Well it is your legal name."

"So? I hate it." Both girls smiled and giggled to each other, "Point taken. Oh, and by the way, my name is legally Adrienne now. No more Emma."

"Afraid to be confused with Emma Nelson?"

Adrienne shot a glare at Ellie.

"Did I miss something?" Tara asked, standing at the doorway.

"I don't know, did she, Ellie?" Adrienne turned to Ellie with a smirk.

"No."

Tara became confused. It wasn't like them to be giggly like this. She shook it off and took her spot on the floor.

She couldn't help but notice how pale Adrienne looked, and how much weight she lost. It was a depressing sight, yet Adrienne still managed to continually keep a smile on her face, never wanting anyone to worry.

It was quite a sight, three friends, complete misfits, fitting several stereotypes, yet all individual from those labels.

Adrienne took the role of the morbid goth chick, Ellie was the punk rocker, and Tara was the tree-hugging hippie. A groups of misfits according to the social norms. Even Sean and Tim were misfits, Tim being the head banger and Sean the soon to be criminal. Despite all their differences, all had each other, as long as they had each other, it was all okay.

"So, who's the maid of honor?" Ellie asked Adrienne.

"Huh? Oh, my sister, duh!" She giggled, "What? You guys thought you were all special or something?"

"Just a tad bit."

The girls laughed.

"I guess she doesn't love us like we thought, huh Tara?" Ellie touched Tara on her side.

At Ellie's playful touch, Tara winced. The bruises on her torso still hadn't healed and they were still bothering her.

"Oh my god, Tara, I'm sorry. I didn't know I hit you that hard."

"No, y-you didn't. I just... I have to go. M-my dad's probably waiting." She struggled but did eventually stand, holding onto her side. "See you guys later?"

Ellie nodded wanting her to know how sorry she was. Adrienne also nodded, giving Tara a knowing look.

Embarrassment and shame could be seen on Tara's face. now wasn't a time she wanted to discuss this issue so she quickly left the room and made her way to the front door and out of the house.

"I-I didn't think I poked her that hard." Ellie stated to Adrienne.

"You didn't," she replied, "She's probably got a bruise."

"What?"

"It's not my place to say this but, Tara's brother hits her... A lot."

"What!" Ellie was beginning to get angry.

"Yeah, and her dad isn't too nice to her either."

"Why does she stay? What about her mom?"

"Her mom also gets it from her dad. And I don't know why they stay."

As Adrienne and Ellie continued their conversation, Tara was making her way home. With each step she took, pain traveled through her still sore body.

It didn't take long for Tara to get home. Once she walked through the door, she immediately made her way up the stairs and into her room. As soon as she was inside her room, she closed the door and leaned against the door, looking around the room.

Her mother's health didn't seem to change, her father was ignoring her more and more, and Donny just seemed to harass her every chance he got. Feelings of dread engulfed her constantly, and she was always afraid; of what, she didn't know. Some darkness fell upon her and it frightened her more than anything. It was almost as if she could tell that some kind of darkness was coming and she wouldn't be able to stop it.

After a few days had passed, she learned to push the dread aside; knowing she couldn't do anything about it, that it would reveal itself eventually.

The days seemed long and grey. During lunch, Tara sat with her friends on the bleachers. She would look over the field and watch the other students going about their days.

"I've got to finish my auto project." Sean said as he stood.

"Do you always think about cars?" Ellie asked with a smirk.

"No," Sean replied, "I think about food to." He smiled.

"McCarthy said the projects are due Thursday, so we only have two days. Such a random day." Tim announced as he also stood.

"Which is why we're going now. Later girls." Sean said as he made his way down the bleachers with Tim following him.

"Boys love to play with their cars." Ellie said as she turned to Tara.

Tara looked at Ellie and couldn't help but notice small changes in Ellie's appearance. She no longer had her hair dyed or up and wild. Seldom did she put it in a side pony tail or braids anymore. It was always straight down. However, she still wore her eye liner, but now all black rather than a bright purple or red.

Of course, Tara began to change herself. Her hair was still in front of her face and her clothes still covered her entire body, but now, she wore earth tones, rather than bland colors. it made her feel more attuned with the Earth. However, she dared not wear makeup. No way in hell would her father allow for that to happen.

"Hey! who are you thinking about?" Ellie asked, waking Tara from her thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Who are you thinking about that's making you day dream so much? Was it Steve?"

"Oh... Steve? No. No one. I was j-just zoning... I guess."

"I see." There was a pause, "What do you want to do after high school?"

"Um…" Tara thought for a moment, "I love art. I'm thinking… Art teacher?"

"That's cool."

"What about you?

Ellie smiled, "A director who writes her own screenplays."

A couple of days passed and Tara and Ellie were in the library, along with the rest of their history class, doing research for their project on prohibition in the US. The day was a bit too bleak for Tara's taste.

"Ellie," Tara called, "This book has a p-picture of Al Capone and his crew."

Making her way to Tara, Ellie looked at the book, "Awesome. We're doing good on pictures and information." She took the book an walked back to the table they occupied, setting the book on it along with the others they collected. She began to turn back around, "So, we're probably going to have to get together to… Tara?"

Something bad was happening and it was hurting Tara. She felt dizzy, weak, and nauseous. It was hard for her to focus, everything was blurry and grey.

"Tara? You okay? Do you need to sit down?"

"I…" her knees gave out and she went for the ground. Without thinking, Ellie moved and grabbed Tara's arms before she fell.

"Mr. Thomson!" Ellie shouted.

Hearing the shout, the teacher hurried across the library, "What happened?"

"It's Tara!" Ellie frantically said, "She passed out or something. I don't know what happened!"

Turning to another student, Mr. Thomson said, "Kate, go get Nurse Sylvia. Hurry!" he turned back to Ellie, taking off his coat, rolling it, "Make her comfortable. Put this under her head on your lap."

Carefully, Ellie did what she was told. She was scared something may be wrong with Tara. Her lips began to tremble as she closed her eyes and whispered, "Please be okay."

The nurse came in barely 5 minutes after the student, Kate, had gone; with her hair in a bun and wearing her pale brown sweater. Quickly she knelt next to Tara and Ellie and did her nurse-type routine; checking for a pulse, breathing rhythms, etc. Everything seemed normal. The nurse took out a bottle and opened it, moving it near Tara's nose.

Soon enough, the girl began to stir and she quickly woke. "Wh-what happened?" she asked.

"You passed out." Ellie replied, relieved that her friend was now awake.

"I-I did?"

"Tara, has this happened before?" The nurse asked.

"No."

"Can you stand?"

Tara began to move, Ellie helping her, not realizing she had been holding Tara's hand during the entire ordeal. With Ellie's help, Tara stood, however, she held onto Ellie, also holding her hand and not realizing it.

"Ellie, go with Nurse Sylvia and help take Tara to her office."

"Okay." Ellie put and arm around Tara and begun walking behind the nurse.

Tara felt incredibly weak and needed to lean on Ellie for support. 'What's going on?' she thought to herself. Something like this never happened before. It was almost as if something was draining her, leaving her very weak.

Once they were at the Nurse's office, Nurse Sylvia took the girls to the back and settled Tara on one of the beds. "Tara, I'm going to call your parents to take you home."

All Tara could do was nod. As the nurse left, it hit Tara that her father or brother would be home and hear about this. It would not make them happy. "Ellie…"

"Yeah?" Ellie stayed right next to her, holding her hand.

"She can't… Call m-my dad."

"Why?" she gently squeezed Tara's hand.

"H-he won't like this." Her breathing slowed.

"Tara, his daughter fainted and seems to be really ill… I don't think he'll mind."

"Don't l-let her call. Please."

But it was too late, Nurse Sylvia came in, "I got a hold of your father, Tara. He's coming, along with your mother."

Ellie stayed with Tara until her parents came and picked her up. It was the first time Ellie had met her parents. Right away she liked Amber; Dale on the other hand, she didn't like so much. He reminded her a lot of her own mother, only not so drunk.

"Thank you for staying with her." Amber said.

"No problem. I was really worried."

"she'll be back in school tomorrow." Dale said as he walked out the door.

When the Maclays got home, Dale went straight to his desk in the den, not saying a word to Tara. Amber helped her daughter up the stairs and into her room. Gently she laid Tara down on her bed and sat next to her. "What are you feeling, Sweetheart?"

"Like s-something's draining me. Mom, something's going to h-happen. And I don't know what, but I can feel it."

Amber was silent as she placed a hand on her daughter's forehead and released much calming energy, it just about knocked Tara out, it relaxed her so much. It was a great way to calm one's nerves.

Truth was, Amber could feel what Tara was feeling; sensing something was going to happen. She didn't know what, but she knew that whatever it was, it was going to hurt Tara a lot.

After school was out, Ellie was giving a ride home by Sean and Tim. The ride was silent on her part because she spent the entire time thinking about Tara. Once she got home, she thanked her male friends and went inside. After about an hour or so of not doing her homework, she picked up the phone and called Adrienne. It didn't take long before the subject was switched to Tara.

"And she just about passed out. It was pretty scary." Ellie said.

"I'm sure she'll be okay. Tara's a lot stronger than she looks." Adrienne replied.

"I know."

There was a pause.

"You need to tell her… How you feel."

"What?"

"Tara. How you feel. It's obvious."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ellie… Whoa…" Adrienne began to feel strange.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Ellie said as she began to worry.

"I don't… know." Then it was silent and then a thump.

"Adrienne!" Ellie yelled into the phone, "Adrienne!" She clicked the phone off and re-dialed; she got a busy signal. "Oh God…" She was getting frantic, very frantic and she had no idea what to do. Thoughts were racing through her mind so fast she didn't have time to comprehend them. Quickly she stood, then sat and dialed Adrienne's number again; still busy. "Shit!" she shouted as she jumped up from her desk and darted out of her room. "Mom!" No answer, "Goddammit!" Her mother was either not home or passed out, but Ellie didn't care either way. Instead, Ellie blew out the front door slamming it closed as she jumped off the porch and ran as fast as her legs could carry her; running towards Adrienne's home.

Good thing for her, she wasn't wearing anything heavy or her usual boots that weighed about 7 pounds each. This made it easier for her to run.

As she ran, people looked at her as if she was a mad woman; she didn't care how many people watched, she just blew passed them, 'Let them watch,' she thought. There was only one thing on Ellie's mind: Adrienne.

Out of breath and light headed, when Ellie finally got to Adrienne's house, she thought and was hoping, she was hallucinating what she saw… But she wasn't, "No…"

The next day stood out from the others; eerily calm. The night before, Tara was physically drained and ill. The whole night she could barely lift a hand she was so weak. But now, this day, the world was still. Everyone that passed her seemed somewhat lively, then some seem to lack color. Even the trees seemed to lack color, almost as if they were mourning. 'But of what?' Tara wondered.

All day her classes seemed to take forever, each time she'd look at the clock, the second hand would freeze. 'But that can't be, could it?' That, Tara wasn't sure. She'd seen a lot of things out of the ordinary many times, but this was too much.

Tara hadn't seen any of her friends all day, not Ellie, Tim, or Sean. It was almost as if they all ditched school together, but why would they? They all were together, all there for each other as well as Adrienne.

Finally the end of the school day came; math class. It was long awaited, but now, Tara only had 50 more minutes before she could go home and be with her mother.

The outside seemed to bright, but once Tara got inside the classroom, she took a look around and everyone was still. Confused, Tara walked to her desk on the opposite end of the room. As she walked to the desk, Tara couldn't help overhear someone say "passed away." At those words, Tara froze, her blood ran cold.

'No, it can't be her. Don't think it,' she said to herself, turning toward her classmate. "Wh-who passed away?" Tara asked with fear in her voice. She wouldn't let her thoughts go into her conscious. She refused to let them come to the surface of realization, but it was there, in the back of her head. In her unconcious it was waiting, 'Please no...'

"Adrienne Wilson. Last night." said the girl, her eyes glazed, her voice weak. Then she walked away, rubbing her eyes.

Those words, that name, it rang in Tara's head over and over again. Everything went grey. Nothing had color whatsoever. Suddenly, Tara wasn't in the class room any longer, she was back in 7th grade, in the gym sitting all alone. Deep in her own thoughts when Adrienne came and sat next to her. She seemed so healthy, so lively back then. Not a care in the world, never dreaming that she'd get cancer.

Then reality had its way of coming back, no matter how hard anyone tries. At first, she couldn't believe it. Adrienne had been doing better! Ellie and Sean had both seen her the last week and said she looked better. Then Tim and Sean saw her only a few days earlier, both said she was beaming. This wasn't happening, it couldn't happen. Adrienne was suppose to make it, not die! Her light was suppose to bless the world, it wasn't suppose to be taken away!

If only she could have seen her before, just for a second. Tara grew angry with herself for not having gone to visit Adrienne the passed few weeks, sure she had phoned but that was not enough. It did not make up for physically being there in front of the girl who saved her life all those years ago. With each passing second, Tara couldn't help but grow more angry at herself. Yet, the actual thought of Adrienne being dead had not sunk into Tara's conscious. No. She still grew angry, almost as angry as she had been with her father each time he drank or verbally abused her.

Several minutes passed and she made no movement. Slowly the anger was being replaced by shock. Slowly Tara sat down at her desk, fearing she may faint or fall or both. The world begun to turn on it's own, leaving her behind.

No movement. Tara made no movement as she sat there, the event, those words, playing over and over again in her head. All she could do was stare at the wall, to keep herself from passing out right then and there, in the middle of class. Staring at the blank, grey, ungrudging wall. The wall with no emotion, no movement, no anything, just a wall. Then it got blurry. 'Why is the wall getting blurry?' Tara thought.

Her eyes began to burn and sting, her mouth was as dry as a desert, and Tara didn't feel her tears running down her cheeks. Soon, however, the world caught up to Tara. Her mouth hung slightly opened, but felt so numb. There were now rivers flowing down her face that she fought against, but had no avail. When she made an attempt to move her hand, the tips of her fingers tingled, she always hated that feeling. She couldn't help but start tapping the tips of her fingers on her desk. Still, the tingle was there. It wouldn't stop and Tara hated it.

The tingle traveled up her arm and consumed her body. Everything tingled. She tried to fight it, but she was weak. Then, the urge to vomit came up on her. She swallowed the lump in her throat, which felt like it was ripping her inside, slowly and painfully it settled in her stomach quite heavily.

The lump began to rock slowly inside her, its jagged edges piercing her within. The urge to vomit growing stronger. Her eyes burning so much, she could barely keep them open, all the while, the tears still flowed with no sympathy. Her breathing slowed and became shallow, sharp and piercing breath. There wasn't enough oxygen getting into her lungs and they both began to burn and cry out.

'This isn't happening...'

Yet it was. The realization was becoming more and more real to Tara. Her eyes shut as tight as they could. So tight, her head began to ache with pain and pressure. So tight, she began to sweat above her brow. So tight, her head began to shake. Soon her entire body followed. Everything began to hurt. Her heart ached with each beat as it got louder and louder in her ears. Her jaw clenched tightly shut, causing her teeth ache.

It was all too much, Tara couldn't handle it. She stood and looked to her teacher, Miss Feiler, and said, "I'm s-sorry," then she hurried out the door closing it behind her. For a moment, she leaned against the door breathing in the fresh, yet stale, air. It felt like she was breathing in needles with each breath she took.

With a quick look at the grey sky, Tara ran. She ran as fast as her legs could take her, running across the campus. Then, she realized where she was running to; the nearest girl's restroom. She got into the nearest stall and fell to her knees and vomited. The lump was still there as she continued to vomit.

Soon, she just gagged as nothing came out. It was almost as if she was trying to get the lump out, but it would not go anywhere.

When she finished gagging, she flushed the toilet and stayed on the floor of the bathroom stall, smelling worse than she remembered. She hugged herself, her arms around her stomach as she breathed. Then her breathing quickened and her eyes began to blur her vision. Her lower lip quivered as she tried to contain her voice and her whimpers. But the pain was too much now and her whimpers and her cries would be heard to anyone who walked in. It finally hit her, Adrienne, her friend, her everything, was dead. She would never see her again, hear her voice, feel her warm hugs. Never again would Tara be able to stare into those beautiful eyes.

Once at home, Tara walked in, her eyes red and swollen from crying. Dale took one look at her and turned away from her. For some reason, this made Tara begin to cry again as she went up into her room, laid down on her bed, and hugged her pillow.

It was Tara's birthday that week and now there was more of a reason to dread it. Not only was it a reminder of the time she had left as a human but also a reminder of the time of Adrienne's death.

The next week was the memorial for Adrienne; Tara wasn't sure she wanted to go. It pained her too much to see her best friend, the girl who changed her life. Seeing her body in a coffin was not something she thought she could handle.

Slowly Amber peaked in and noticed Tara on her bed. She came in and gently sat down next to her hurting daughter. "What happened?" she asked as she rubbed Tara's shoulder.

Through her tears, Tara replied, "Adrienne… Sh-she… She…" then more tears fell and Tara buried her face in her pillow as she cried a bit harder.

It was as clear as crystal to Amber what Tara tried to say. Adrienne had died. 'That was it, why Tara felt so weak yesterday.' Amber concluded. She continued to rubbed Tara's shoulder.

When her tears finally calmed, Tara didn't move. "Mom… Th-they're having a memorial n-next week."

"Are you going?"

"I can't. I can't see her like that."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know…" and again, the tears came.

For the rest of the night, Amber stayed with Tara until she finally fell asleep.

Throughout the entire weekend, Tara continued to cry silently, despite her father telling her stop and be strong. Crying was for the weak he always said. Donny didn't help much by constantly harassing Tara. It was shear hell.

At school, Tim nor Sean could be found, however, while Tara was at her locker, Ellie approached her. The girls just stared at each other with sullen faces before they finally hugged and cried on each other's shoulders.

After a few minutes, the girls parted from each other and rubbed their eyes. Ellie was grateful she decided against wearing her black eye makeup.

Once she composed herself, Ellie wrapped her arms around herself and asked Tara, "Are you coming tonight?"

Tara knew she was talking about the memorial. Even after thinking about it all weekend, Tara wasn't sure, "I don't… I don't know."

All Ellie did was nod. She herself almost didn't want to go. It would pain her too much to see one of her best friends dead. But she knew she would regret not going if she didn't and something told her, Tara would regret it to. "You should. I think it'll be good for you."

Deep down Tara knew Ellie was right. Still, at this moment, it was too much; she mearly nodded then asked, "Where's Tim and Sean?"

"They didn't show up."

"Oh."

And that was the end of their conversation. During the day, both girls were quiet, neither spoke more than 2 words at a time.

When it was time for the memorial, Amber had gone with Tara and they stood with Ellie, who was alone. Andrea had on a royal blue gown on, wearing it because blue was Adrienne's favorite color.

"Thank you everyone for showing," Andrea began, "Right now is not a time for mourning, but for remembering. It's not time for crying but to be happy about Adrienne's life and how she lived. We're going to have some of her friends come up and say a few words and then we're going to watch a video that John and I put together." There was a pause, "So, whoever wants to can come up."

The first person to go up was Tim. He was dressed in all black but this time, there was no band name on his shirt; it was just solid black. Sean stayed behind, everyone knew he was Adrienne's boyfriend, but they also knew he was not a speaker.

"Hey everyone," he began, after taking out a piece of paper, he continued, "I first met Adrienne in the 6th grade. I really don't know why we started talking, but I'm really glad we did. She became my best friend, she was like a sister to me. Every time a guy bothered her, I'd be there to defend her, but she'd tell me to stop trying to be macho or something." Then he paused, "She always saw the good in people, saw the potential. It didn't matter if you were the biggest loser, she'd still befriend you."

At those last words, Tara began to tear. It was true, Tara was indeed a "loser" and Adrienne still befriended her.

"She was probably the wisest soul I have ever met. There's no one like her. Thanks." he finished and stepped down as another student stepped up.

Tara wanted to share her experiences with Adrienne and say what she meant to her, but she couldn't. It was too hard.

A hand placed itself on Tara's shoulder, when she turned, she found it was Ellie's hand. She gave the punk girl a small smile and she returned it.

When the other student was finished, Ellie approached the podium, "Hey," she started, "I first met Adrienne in 9th grade. Besides Tim, her and I were the only 'Goths', as people called us, in band. It was great the way we'd mess around with people, making them think we were evil or whatever. But never did she mean any harm other than pure fun. What was so great about Adrienne was that, you could be so alone, so angry at the world, and she'd find some way to calm you, to make you feel it's all going to be okay." Ellie's voice started to break, "She'd find some way to make the pain stop…" she paused, "I'm sorry." She stepped off and walked around to the back. No one else stepped up.

Andrea stepped back up, "Thank you everyone for your kind words. Now we're going to show the video.

The video showed many pictures of Adrienne growing up. This made Tara really want to tear up. She noticed Ellie in one of the corners rubbing her eyes. Slowly Tara began to walk towards her.

"Hey." she said.

"Sorry. I don't usually cry like this." Ellie hugged herself trying to force herself not to cry.

"It's okay." Tara wanted to so badly bring Ellie into a hug, but something kept stopping her; perhaps her anxiousness.

"I don't cry." but that statement just made more tears fall down her cheeks as she closed her eyes tighter, the urge for bawling began to grow.

In that instant, Tara wrapped her arms around the red head and held her close and tight. Tara herself couldn't stop the tears that began to fall from her cheeks either. The girls just held each other and cried together.

The rest of the night was a typical memorial. Everyone got their chance to walk up to the casket and say a final goodbye.

When it was Tara's turn, she froze, seeing Adrienne burned an image forever into her memory. She looked so cold and stiff. Her skin had almost no color. The smell of being embalmed was so strong, it was making Tara's stomach turn and she was becoming dizzy very quick. So badly did Tara want to place a hand on her cheek and gently kiss her forehead, but she knew better. She just continued to stare at the shell, the body that was once her friend, Adrienne Wilson. So stiff and cold and colorless as Adrienne laid there, eyes and mouth closed, hands together, in her own little blue gown.

****

Author's Note: I am SOOO Sorry this took forever. Wow… Since March… It's been WAY too hectic and such. But seriously, this chapter was really hard for me to write. Adrienne is based solely on my own friend Adrienne. She really did die of liver cancer, only my friend died at 15 in the 10th grade. It was really hard on all of us. But I hope people still liked this chapter.


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